‘Nobody owns a name’: Pregnant woman defended for refusing ‘demand’ to change baby’s name

A pregnant woman has been defended after she refused to change her unborn baby’s name at the behest of her brother’s girlfriend.

In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, the woman gave some context about her brother’s relationship of eight months, noting that things are “getting a bit rocky” and he’s considered ending things with his partner.

When the Reddit user and her husband first got pregnant, she said they weren’t sure whether to share the name they’d chosen with their family.

“At first we were hesitant about being public about the name as I know disagreements can occur. I won’t lie it’s a pretty basic name but it was his late grandmother’s name and a name I had always liked so we went with it.”

The mother-to-be explained that her husband’s mother passed away when he was a child and his father wasn’t present in his life, so “his grandmother became his caregiver.” She added that when she started dating her husband, she was a teenager and his grandmother also became an important part of her life.

“We always had a good relationship so this wasn’t just a name I was going with for my husband. We both loved the idea of our baby girl to take the name of her great-grandmother and to wear it in honor of her,” she wrote.

However, when her brother’s girlfriend found out about the name choice, she “flipped.” The woman’s brother’s partner went on to explain that the name “was her late daughter’s,” whom she’d had with a previous partner. The user’s brother apparently “had no idea” what the daughter’s name was. He also informed his family that she passed away last year, urging them “to be careful on those sorts of topics.”

“[My brother’s girlfriend] immediately demanded we change the name and said the baby wouldn’t care,” the post continued. “I explained it was also in honor of my husband’s late grandmother and it had real meaning to us, and we didn’t want to change it. But she insisted she couldn’t hear her daughter’s name, especially not on another child.”

She admitted that if his brother’s girlfriend was “genuinely part of [her] family,” and if her sibling was more confident that the relationship would last, then she would have considered changing the name. The pregnant woman concluded that while she tried to come up with a solution, she ultimately got into an argument with his brother’s girlfriend.

“I offered for them to come up with a nickname we use around her if she desperately didn’t want to hear the name but she refused,” she said. The argument resulted in the woman’s brother breaking up with his girlfriend “on the spot.”

The Reddit post has quickly sparked discussion, with more than 8,900 upvotes at the time of writing. In the comments, multiple people came to the woman’s defense and urged her to keep the name given the special meaning it had. Although they understood why her brother’s now ex-girlfriend was unhappy, it seemed like his relationship was on the outs.

“I get why she is upset, but she can’t demand that of you. If you’re not even close enough to her to know the name of her late daughter, then that’s far enough of a separation that she can’t tell you what to do,” one commented. “It would be a different story if her daughter’s name was a unique name, and that you only decided on it after hearing it from her. But that’s completely not the case here.”

“I lost my first child when she was seven months old. I was sensitive about the family using her name... But never demanded anything. Nobody owns a name. I have a cousin that gave her daughter a middle name and asked me,” another wrote. “Of course, I gave my blessing. You didn’t know her daughter... Y’all aren’t family... I personally don’t think you did anything wrong.

“They had issues and weren’t married, engaged or living together( I hope). She was just a girlfriend of eight months and that’s not to diminish her loss, just to put perspective on her relationship level in your life and family,” third wrote.