Older mums v's younger mums

Late arrivals

At 43, Kayte is expecting her second child this month. She had her first child, Charlotte, five, at the age of 37. She believes older mums can be just as active and involved in their children’s lives as younger mothers.

My ultimate plan wasn’t to wait until my late 30s to start a family. In fact I had been clucky for a baby from my late 20s but the rest of my life was not sorted. I wanted to be in a steady relationship to have a baby and at that stage I just wasn’t.

I fell pregnant with Charlie when I was 37 years old. At the time I did not consider myself to be an older mum because it is quite common for women to be having babies at this age now. I had a great pregnancy and I didn’t have any greater monitoring because of my age. However, this time around it has been a lot different.

I have done a bit of research about pregnancy and giving birth at 43 and realise there are a great many risks for women my age. There is a one in 49 chance my baby could have Down Syndrome, a higher risk of having a still birth, miscarriage and gestational diabetes, to name a few. I think when I had Charlie five years ago I was blissfully ignorant of these statistics.

During this pregnancy I have been constantly reminded that I am an older mum by the increased monitoring. There have been more scans and more tests to make sure everything is alright.

In a way it concerns me that when my baby turns 21 my husband and I will be reaching retirement age. Some people have pointed out that we may not be around when our children are starting their families and raising our grandchildren. But we’re not having children to have grandchildren. And no situation is perfect. My mum had me when she was 21 and yet she passed away before I had Charlie.

And in terms of being active with my children, I have never been in better shape. My husband and I lead a very healthy lifestyle and we enjoy the outdoors with our children regularly. In hindsight I think I’m a better mother at this age than in my 20s. I’ve achieved a lot in my career, have travelled and am more secure financially. I have been able to embrace motherhood wholeheartedly.

Young Mums

Heather was 19 when she discovered she was pregnant with Isaac, now 14 months. She and her husband, Aidan, 22, think they are the perfect age to raise children and are already planning their second child

When I found out I was pregnant with Isaac it was a surprise but we welcomed it as Aidan and I had been married for a year already. We met through friends at church when I was 17 and he was 18, were engaged eight months later and married a year after that. During that time we also bought a house. I guess people think we have done a lot in such a short time, but I think when you find the right person, why wait?

I don’t feel like I’m too young to be a mother, even though I am much younger than the average mum in Australia. I have encountered a few people who question my age but when they find out I’m married, they tend to accept it better. It seems that my marriage has given me a certain amount of credibility as a mother and for that reason I haven’t really encountered the negative comments I’ve heard other young mothers get.

I don’t think people should make assumptions based on something basic like age without knowing the background. There’s really no reason why a woman can’t be as worthy a mother at 20 as at 40. We have had to postpone things like travel, but we’ll still be young enough to start travelling when Isaac is 20. And we don’t feel like we’ve missed out on partying like other people our age because we’re not into that scene anyway.

One positive about being a young parent is that I have the energy to keep up with Isaac. He’s so active and it can be so draining that I can’t imagine doing this at 40! I also feel we’ll be able to relate more to Isaac as he’s growing up because we’re closer in age – I hope we’ll be good friends. It’s nice to know we’ll see him grow up and hopefully start his own family while we’re still young.

There’s no right or wrong situation here, it’s what works best for you and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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