Yahoo Lifestyle “Dad Is Happier Than When Mom Was Alive”: People Whose Parents Are Dating Someone Young Enough To Be Their Child Are Sharing What It's Like
Watching one of your parents start a new relationship after a divorce or the death of their spouse can be a little awkward. But you know when it's REALLY awkward? When they date someone your age...or younger!
Over on Quora, adult-aged kids who have been through just that are sharing what it was like, and let's just say these relationships come with a lot of drama. Check it out:
(Some entries were taken from similar Reddit threads here and here.)
1."When my mother passed in 2005, I was 46, and my father was 80. He was having sex with their 40-year-old housekeeper while my mother was in the nursing home dying. When my mother died, my father and the housekeeper married within six months. Good for him, I thought at the time. She'd take care of him. But what she did was take care of herself — she convinced my father to sell his drapery workroom business and the commercial building."
"My late mother had always told me that half of everything my parents owned was mine. Well, she died intestate, and I did not get any of her inheritance. My mother's beautiful jewelry somehow disappeared, and the new wife (without any notice to me) sold off my books, including many first editions, which I kept in my father's library.
My father died without a will, but his main property now had his wife's name on the deed. In the state of Virginia, if a parent dies intestate, the properties go to the children (me). The new wife did not consult any attorney and have my father leave a will, so the property will be mine. The wicked stepmother can live off the money from the sale of the business, the commercial property sale, and my father's pension and social security. She did very well for herself and will live a very comfortable life thanks to my late mother's hard work (mom worked every day at the drapery workroom).
My cousin recently informed me that the stepmother trashed all of our family's photos and albums. This last act is why I despise the woman; she could have called me and told me to have someone come and get all the family records. Instead, she trashed everything and told my cousin she got rid of it because none of it was her family. Bitch."
—Alan R., Quora
2."My father married a friend of mine whom I would hang out with and go to parties with when we were in our early 20s. She was younger than me and a nice girl. I saw her one weekend, and by the Friday of the next week, she and my dad were married. I only found out about it when I read about it in the paper. I did not have any issues with it, but it was weird to have a stepmom younger than me; my sister was very upset for a while but got over it in time. Their relationship lasted until dad's death many years later. I once asked my dad why he did what he did, and he answered: 'I can't live alone.' I have learned that people have the right to try and be happy…and they were."
—Jeff P., Quora
3."Mom was 54 when she dated a 21-year-old. He was handsome-ish. My mom's very much a child spirit and a very interesting person. She's also a former model, so appearances are super important to her. She easily looks 8–10 years younger than she is. I wasn't surprised that she skewed toward younger men when she started dating, but this guy was the youngest out of a batch of mostly early 30-year-olds and definitely viewed as a mistake now, LOL. His car broke down in the middle of a date, and he started crying. And then when she ghosted him, he got his friend to text her that she broke his heart. It was a wild ride."
4."My dad has frequently dated women my age. When I was younger, he would compete with my older brother for dates. So when my brother was dating my friends, my dad would steal his dates. It is what it is. It's also part of many reasons I haven't had a super close relationship with my dad for years. It is a sign of other issues."
5."When I was younger, I pretended I was fine with my dad's new relationship because it seemed he needed her. The truth is, it was never fine, but we didn't know that it wouldn't be or why until time unfolded things for us. It might have been fine if they hadn't decided to have more children, but when new children came, the original children were left behind — not because of a lack of love on our dad's part but because of the overwhelming demands of my stepmom for the new family to feel like a perfect family. She even once admitted that it bothered her that he had kids from a previous marriage. This has caused my sibling and me to feel like we have nowhere to belong. All the while, we had to watch these new kids get all the time with our dad when we still needed him."
"My sibling and I have hard lives and desperately craved belonging. It's no secret that when you desperately crave that, you will marry a narcissist or two. My sibling and I are divorced and struggling to coparent with our narcissistic exes while the new family continues to take family vacations, just them. They probably don't even think to invite us because we are busy raising our kids, and they're right: We have no time for it anyway now; it's too late. But even as recently as two years ago, our dad felt he had to host two separate holidays, one for the new family and one for us.
The honest-to-God truth is I'm sick about it, and it's been 30 years. If I didn't need to be around them to make a decent life for my kid, I would not be here. I would try with all my might to start my own life and community elsewhere and move on from this constant reminder of what we lost."
—Lorna V., Quora
6."Honestly, I didn't give a rat's ass about her age. She was actually a very lovely lady and definitely a better choice than his first girlfriend, who was in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. I could not tolerate her and had to move four hours away. His wife now is down to earth, humble, and respectable. She gets a bad rap for being a girl from the lower class marrying up, but I tend to ignore that or tell people to keep their opinions to themselves. What matters most is that my father is happy. In fact, he seems a lot happier than when my mother was alive."
—Anonymous, Quora
7."My grandmother died in the '80s, and my dad went to check on his father after one year to find he had the same eggs and milk in the refrigerator as the day she died — and was a complete emotional wreck. My dad suggested he sign up for counseling, and my grandfather did. The part we didn't expect was when he suddenly started dating his counselor, and they married a year later. She was three years younger than my dad. You should have seen the look on my dad's face when he hung up that phone call."
—Your Uncle Dodge, Quora
8."My father was 62 when he dated a girl who was 26 (younger than me by a decade). He brought her to an event at my home, and she was all over him. Lots of PDA. I found it disturbing. I couldn't imagine what they had in common or what their future would look like."
9."My dad had a stepdad who was two years younger than him. My grandma was only 15 when she had my dad, and my dad's stepdad was 18 years younger than her. The marriage lasted about 15 years and ended in divorce. The funny part is that my grandma expected my brothers and me to call him grandpa. Again, he is younger than our dad, her son, so my dad told us we didn't have to. My dad was mostly embarrassed — not that his 'stepdad' was younger, but that his ex-wife was a family friend, and my grandma broke up their marriage. But what goes around comes around because that's also how their marriage ended, with him cheating (she probably did, too)."
—Tech Gal, Quora
10."Both my dad and mom dated much younger people who were closer to my age than theirs. When I was 17, my 41-year-old dad dated a 21-year-old lady. I was completely unsupportive toward them and did not actively participate in their lives while they were dating. Then, when I was 20, my 40-year-old mom dated a 26-year-old guy. This hit closer to home for me, as he moved in the same friendship circles as I did. They dated for a while and even lived together. My relationship with my mom suffered greatly from this as I just couldn't accept that my mom was dating someone who was friends with my friends. It got so bad that we almost disowned each other. I then did what I did with my dad and disassociated myself from her, too."
"I am now 38 and have a different perspective on it. All those years ago, I did not understand and could not accept that my parents could date someone close to my age, and I took quite a selfish stance on it. Now, having my own family and my parents leading their own lives, all I want is to see them happy and have someone to share their lives with. That would give me great peace, regardless of their partners' age."
—Taryn V.D.M., Quora
11."I am sure everyone has different feelings about this. In my case, I am the young wife, not the daughter. My husband has two daughters who love him and just want him to be happy. I know this because I asked. One daughter is one year younger than me; the other is four years older. They are perfectly fine with our marriage. Now, I am sure this also depends upon the actual ages of the people involved. When we married, my husband had just turned 55, and I was 29 (three months away from turning 30). If he were 65 and I were 19, I am sure some folks might have raised an eyebrow or two! Especially if the daughter was 20 or 21. So, how it goes depends entirely on the situation and age."
—Leslie C., Quora
12."I'm the child of a marriage like this, and it was kind of a shit show. My dad had been married before, so my mom was the second wife. My dad was older than my maternal grandmother, and my mom was younger than my half-sister (my dad's daughter from his first marriage). Also, my nephews and I are essentially the same age. My half-sister hated my mother, refused to attend the wedding, and to this day doesn't acknowledge that I was ever born."
13."I was upset when I heard that my dad was probably sleeping with my 21-year-old roommate when I was in the hospital. My stepmother never brought it up until after the divorce (when I was 25), and I couldn’t confirm or deny it because I wasn’t there, but I did tell her that I’d heard rumors. What really upset my sisters and me was when — years later — he started trying to date women who were young enough to be our daughters. If you’re trying to date someone young enough to be your grandchild, you need a nurse, not a girlfriend (which is exactly what I told my dad)."
—Danee I., Quora
14."My dad's second wife was just around my age. Since I was out on my own, it didn't bother me all that much. I was bothered more on my mother's behalf, who was left for someone younger than her oldest daughter. I guess karma knows what it's doing because this woman left my dad a few years later. It did bother my sister at the time because when someone younger is trying to be a parent to a grown child — simply because they're married to their father or mother — there's going to be a problem."
"I would suggest this might be more of a problem for the new, 'improved' spouse rather than the children. Since the children are likely to be grown, or almost grown, and perhaps very resentful of the new spouse, they can leave. The kids' parent is now married to someone who drove their children away. Some parents won't care, others will. Some new spouses won't care, some will.
If I'd still been at home, though, when my dad remarried and I had to live with them, the story would have been different. I would have resented her intrusion very much."
—Gigi J.W., Quora
15."I'm a 24-year-old woman, and my 62-year-old dad is going out with a girl younger than me (she's 23). Three years ago, my parents divorced. I'm their only child and live in my own apartment, while my mom got the family house and my dad bought a new place. They've been on friendly terms through their separation, which has made some things much easier. But my dad's actions following their split have been causing issues. He started frequenting bars and going on blind dates most evenings. I can't lie; my mom and I worried that he wasn't coping well with the split, but he reassured us that he was a grown man and that we shouldn't worry about him. I tried to step back and not meddle in his love life, and we didn't talk about it much. But then, about a month ago, dad met up with mom and me to tell us about his new relationship. To our surprise, he pulled out his phone and showed us his new girlfriend — a 23-year-old."
"Neither of us knew what to say, as my dad gushed about how wonderful she was and how she was an 'old soul' with whom he had a profound connection. He kept on and on until my mom essentially asked what the hell he was doing with a girl younger than his daughter. To be clear, the dates he told us about in the past had always been with women around his age. My dad didn't take mom's question well, arguing that she was a consenting adult and he wasn't forcing her to be with him. My mom acknowledged that it was legal, to which my dad replied, 'Then if you can't support us, it's your problem.'
I can't deny it makes me uncomfortable. Last weekend, my mom had a family BBQ, and my dad asked if he could bring his girlfriend and introduce us. I arrived, and they were already there, and honestly, within two seconds of speaking to dad's girlfriend, I felt so bad for her. She just seemed so childlike and nervous, and I felt super uncomfortable for her. Meanwhile, my dad was going around to the family talking about how great their relationship was and how he was '23 at heart.' People were clearly weirded out, but he didn't seem to notice and kept making a show of kissing his girlfriend.
So yeah, I don't know how to feel about this. I don't like the relationship, but is it even my place to do anything about it? It's at a point where I dread seeing my dad because I know he'll talk endlessly about his girlfriend. If I try to tell him how I feel, what would I even say? I'm just at a loss and don't know what to do."
Entries have been edited for length and clarity.
Did your parent date someone your age or younger? Let us know in the comments below or via this anonymous form, and you could be featured in a future BuzzFeed Community post.
