"I Get Secondhand Embarrassment": 24 Trends, Traditions, And Decor That People Seriously Hate To See At Weddings

Whether you've attended several weddings, have planned a wedding, or just like to scroll through aesthetically pleasing wedding photos and decor, I'm almost certain you've come across something and thought, Absolutely not. Recently, I asked members of the BuzzFeed Community what their wedding icks are, and some of them are hot takes. Here are the things people really don't like to see at a wedding:

1."Please, for goodness sake, stop shoving cake in your partner's face. It's tacky and just disrespectful when they take it too far."

2."I hate the confusing dress codes — from Italian chic to dressy casual to cocktail wear ('but cowboy boots are welcome!'). I also think asking people to conform to a dress code that likely requires them to buy a new outfit, in addition to accommodations and gifts, is too much. People have no idea how much this can impact their guests!"

—Maree, 59, California

3."The dollar dance. It's tacky and demeaning."

4."Insisting that it's the bride's day and that she must always have her way. The wedding is supposed to be for two!"

—skimcrab626

5."I have nothing against vows, pre-scripted or handwritten; I think they are sweet, and I genuinely enjoy hearing them. BUT, I cringe when the couple writes their own vows and say something like, 'We fight a lot' and 'We fight hard,' or take nasty jabs at each other during the exchange. Like, you are insinuating that y'all are toxic. Maybe don't add that stuff in your vows for everyone to hear?"

6."Wedding hashtags. #StopIt."

—Shelby, 28, Michigan

7."Anything that insinuates or blatantly asks for cash."

—lizk41ced1621

8."I like to see how couples make the wedding uniquely theirs, especially now that I'm an adult and my good friends and family members are the ones getting married. But the only thing I dislike is the garter toss. I thankfully don't know many younger couples who do it, but it gives me the worst secondhand embarrassment. I don't really like the word 'cringe' because it's often used to police harmless but corny fun, but if anything embodies the word, it's having your new husband go underneath your dress and remove your undergarments with his teeth in front of your loved ones. I don't even know how this became a thing."

9."When guests or family take jabs at the couple or make jokes at their expense. It's not funny, and it usually comes across as very mean-spirited. It's one of the most sentimental and important days of the couple's lives — don't crack jokes about them. I once went to a wedding where one of the bride's cousins grabbed the mic at the reception and, in 'good humor,' made fun of the groom for getting briefly tongue-tied while reading his vows. He clearly was very emotional and overjoyed, which was why he was getting a bit jumbled up. The groom looked so embarrassed and really lost his spark in the last hour of the reception. A few people tried comforting him, but no one directly called out the bride's cousin for making fun of him in front of everyone, especially when a bunch of the guests were laughing with her at his expense. It just broke my heart. Stuff like that crosses boundaries and isn't okay."

—Anna, 24, Virginia

10."It's a huge ick for me if there's a coordinated dance at any point — walking down the aisle, introducing the bridal party, a reception flash mob. I feel secondhand embarrassment watching."

11."The clichéd dances like the cupid shuffle and YMCA. It starts to feel like a middle school dance."

—Anonymous

12."Plasticware of any kind: utensils, plates, cups, etc. If I travel to your wedding and bring a gift, you can at least arrange for me a meal with a proper fork, knife, spoon, and glass. Don't be so cheap that you can't be bothered. I understand only if the venue is at a beach or pool-like setting and no glass is permitted, but if your wedding is on dry land? The plastic is offending."

13."Wedding planner here. I cannot stand it when the bride and groom choose to do an open mic-type situation with their speeches. What you'll get every time is someone who would normally be too shy to make a speech but, due to cocktail hour and an open bar, finds the courage to do it. It rarely goes well and sometimes ends in drunken tears. The secondhand embarrassment is almost unbearable!"

—D., 46, North Carolina

14."My biggest ick is a toss-up between lewd wedding photos and the cake toppers where one partner is dragging the other to the altar. Blech."

15."I hate the taste of fondant on a wedding cake."

—savorymoon813

16."The first dance, father-daughter dance, or literally any other circumstance where a crowd surrounds two people attempting to dance. It's so awkward."

17."When they send around a videographer and microphone to say something nice about the couple."

—Mary, Illinois

18."Having a 'sweetheart table.' I have never understood this trend. Why would you not want to sit with your guests at your wedding? Having the bride and groom at a small separate table at the front of the room seems so strange to me."

19."When the bride and groom print out poster-sized photos of themselves and hang them throughout the entryway."

—Kate, New York

20."When other people announce their engagement at the wedding."

21."When the best man 'forgets' the wedding band. It's played out."

—Jared, 40, Tennessee

22."The bridesmaids and groomsmen having to dance together. I've been in two weddings and dreaded it each time. It's so awkward!"

23."Customized junk. No one wants cheap gear with random initials or wedding slogans on it. It's wasteful and not climate-friendly."

—Anonymous

24.Lastly: "When men speak on behalf of women. Patriarchal tradition is odiously strong in wedding rituals. 'Giving away' the bride is a major ick that I thankfully see less often now, but a trend I'm still disappointed to see is how often men speak on behalf of women. This usually presents in some version of a toast — either the groom speaking on behalf of himself and his bride, a father speaking as the representative of the parents, a male figurehead officiating the ceremony, etc. I'd love to hear from the mothers, the bride, or the female role models in the couple's life instead. My husband and I asked our moms to officiate our ceremony, and it was beautiful to hear them speak about the children they'd given birth to!"

Honestly, I also kind of get the ick when it comes to group dances. However, though extremely cliché, I will make the exception for "Marry You" by Bruno Mars. What is your ultimate wedding ick? Let me know in the comments, or you can anonymously submit your thoughts using this form!

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.