Parents debate when they can finally stop giving adult children expensive Christmas gifts

With last-minute Christmas shopping underway, parents have one question: Should adult children still be spoiled?

“At what age did you guys start slowing down on Christmas gifts for them?” influencers Nikki Tomczak and her husband Marty asked fellow parents on TikTok.

For years, the Tomczaks have showered their children — ages 29, 23, and 22  — with everything from toys when they were toddlers to mature household necessities as they’ve gotten older. They’ve even financed unrelated expenses like mortgage payments, engagement parties, hospital stays, baby showers, and nurseries for them.

However, adding a son-in-law, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren to the mix, has complicated things. Now, Nikki and Marty are wondering if it’s feasible to continue the tradition of getting multiple gifts for each of their three kids.

In their video posted on December 10, the Tomczaks said this year the family has decided to do a Secret Santa swap, meaning each person has been assigned one other individual to buy a present for without them knowing. In this case, Secret Santa is in lieu of typical gift-giving, where everyone has to get everyone something.

“So, we’re only going to be buying for the little kids,” Nikki explained. “And then we’re only going to be buying for one adult each which means we’re not going to be buying for all of our kids for the first time.

“I’ll admit we’ve been helping with some big things the last couple of years,” she continued. “But it feels super weird to not be buying for each one of the kids. It makes me really happy to see them open, you know, 10 things each. I love to buy them things, but how long can I really continue to do this?”

Marty chimed in: “I say f*** these kids. I don’t even know what the hell they’re getting, anyways.”

The Tomczaks question prompted widespread debate, with many parents rushing to add their two cents on the topic. Most viewers admitted they either started scaling back when their kids hit 18, substituted gifts for family trips when their children became adults, or have never stopped spoiling them.

“I will buy for my kids till they die,” a passionate mom commented, while another disagreed: “We stopped last year at 25-23-20. The older two are married. We started paying for a family vacation for all instead of buying Christmas and birthday gifts. Memories are priceless!”

A third said: “I just give my kids 500 each. They are 25 and 28, both in college.”

“My mom still gives us gifts and stockings at 53, 50, and 48. We are all very self sufficient but it makes her happy,” someone else admitted.

Meanwhile, one person noted: “We buy for everyone less than 18. once they turn 18 we do a Secret Santa. IT is just too expensive once the family grows. I have 6 kids, 4 SIL, 1 DIL, 15 grands, and 5 great grands.”

Speaking with Today, Nikki confessed she’d probably never stop buying presents for her children. In fact, her youngest, who has special needs and still believes in Santa Claus, always receives multiple gifts from everyone in the family.

“These are my kids for life and I will always have something for them,” she said. “I just don’t know if it should be the same as it was when they were children ... at what age do you find the balance?”

According to Nikki, this year’s Secret Santa is a good jumping-off point for future Christmas celebrations at the Tomczaks.

“They were onto something — can I really be doing huge, giant Christmases forever?” she questioned.