Yahoo Lifestyle "It’s Okay To Be Alone": Here Are 17 Lifelong Regrets Older Adults Carry With Them To This Day
Regrets are a part of life; however, there are many different levels of regret. Sometimes, a single decision can be so impactful that it completely alters a person's life. Often, this individual will make it their mission to warn others not to repeat the same mistakes...
So, recently, when Redditor u/Pristine-raptor asked the r/AskOldPeople community, "What do you wish you had known as a teenager?" Older individuals were happy to share their life lessons, regrets, and little pearls of wisdom. From sex and love to fitness and finance — here are 17 lessons adults over 50 wished they had learned in their younger years:
1."Never sacrifice yourself or appear unintelligent for any man. Don't hide who you are or become submissive. AND never stay in a relationship after seeing the first red flag."
"I spent too many years in toxic relationships because I wanted to be loved, didn't want to 'fail,' or tried to 'change for him.' I thought, 'But I love him' was a good enough excuse for staying in these relationships. In all of those years, I lost my self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. I almost lost my life once. No man is ever worth those things.
Find a partner who is also your best friend. A person you genuinely like and who genuinely likes you in return. Someone you truly enjoy being around and doing things with. They should treat you like a best friend, respect you and your boundaries, and really care about you, not the person they want you to be.
That's worth all the gold on the planet."
2."You give away your power when you don't set boundaries — even with your parents and family. And especially with friends and romantic partners."
"It's okay to ask for what you need and want. It's okay to respectfully disagree. It's okay to like something, believe something, and explore something that moves you away from other people in your life.
If they love you, they will support you in discovering and becoming your own person."
3."It's okay to not know what you want to do with your life — very few people do. If there's no burning passion that you've had since childhood, learn as much as you can from any areas that interest you, but stay open and flexible. There's plenty of time."
"If you can, take a gap year between high school and college. Work, travel, talk to people from all walks of life, or rather, ask questions and listen. K-12 education rarely exposes one to people with very different life experiences, and it can limit your thinking. Waiting tables when I was 19 was a better education than my whole first year of college. I was working with people from different socioeconomic backgrounds, different countries, and of different ages.
There is no timeline in life. There are a few imposed by laws, biology, and occasionally by society itself. But you don't have to be married at this age, own a house by that age, etc, unless it makes sense in relation to your personal goals. For example, I know a guy who loves cruise ships and — even in his 50s — still has no desire for a house because he prefers to work as a cruise ship nurse and travel the world. For him, owning a home would be a waste of money.
Let your larger goals determine your milestones, not what your friend from high school biology class is doing. She's on a different track. Wish her well, but live your own life."
4."To work on my insecurities and my self-esteem. Although I came across as happy, funny, independent, and extroverted, I was deeply insecure. Because of that insecurity, I dated the wrong guys, hung out with the wrong crowd, and cared about the wrong things."
"Luckily, I had a lot of goals and a strong focus on them, so when I graduated high school, a lot of that dissolved, but my insecurity did not. It felt like it took too long for me to figure out who I was.
Once you figure out who you are, the rest falls into place very easily."
5."When I was 17, a local business owner came to talk to my class."
"This was roughly 40 years ago, so I'll paraphrase. He told us: 'Nobody cares — not your boss. Not your coworkers. Not your friends and, surprisingly, not a large number of your family.
Nobody cares. It's all on you.'
Basically, anything you want is on you to get — money, success, happiness, fulfillment, acceptance, peace, love — nobody will give you those things, and some will actively work against your efforts to get them.
The only person you can rely on is yourself."
6."Every life has good times and bad times. No state of affairs is permanent."
"Terrible things become distant memories, and good things should never be taken for granted."
The only thing that matters is growing and learning from these experiences; with this perspective, even the bad times and tragedies have value."
7."First and foremost...get the education to acquire your DREAM job! Pursue it relentlessly until you obtain that, then start working. I'm 61 and getting married and procreating was what my generation had drilled into their head."
"If I had it to do over, I would enjoy college, LOVE my job, and NOT feel obligated to become a wife and mom. I did all three. I worked full-time (I liked my job but didn't love it), kept a spotless home with home-cooked meals most nights, and was a very involved mother.
It's TOO much for one human to do all of those things. My ex-husband worked full-time, as well, but that was it. He never helped around the house or with our kids."
8."Stop worrying about what other people think..."
"Firstly, it has no bearing on your life, and most people are so self-centered they don’t really think about you much at all. Also, if you’re worried about a friend’s judgment, they’re not your real friend.
Related to this, stop being a people pleaser. People either like you or they don’t, and that’s okay.
People who chronically put you down are not your friends. People who let others put you down and don’t say anything are not your friends.
It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to start over. It’s okay to try and fail.
You need to listen to your head over your heart. Sometimes, your heart will choose poorly. In those moments, listen to your head."
9."How important patience is. You'll get where you want to go, but please slow down..."
"I was so eager to get a better job, a better house, and go on vacations, but I regret that now.
Those milestones will happen, but putting them on a credit card to make it happen sooner is a costly mistake. Don't believe in once-in-a-lifetime opportunities because you will have different, unique experiences later in life when you can afford them without paying for them with interest."
10."Working hard and studying is about more than just learning things you think you’ll never use. It’s about learning how to work hard and study."
"Truth be told, I was lazy AF in high school and, by the grace of God, still managed to get into a good university. But I was completely lost because I lacked good study habits or discipline.
Luckily, I was able to get through university and land a fantastic job. But it was a very rough transition and extremely stressful — which gave me terrible acne during those years. I could have breezed through had I developed good habits earlier."
11."You don't have to be good at something to participate and enjoy it..."
"When I was a teenager, I shied away from playing sports because I thought I wasn't any good. I thought you had to start off with talent and skill before you could join a team.
Now that I have kids involved in sports, I realize that most players aren't that good. But they're showing up at practice to improve and getting out there, competing, and gaining experience. Good for them!"
12."Your body will fail you one day. Keep it healthy now, and it won't fail you for a long time. The days you forget to keep yourself in check can take weeks and months off your life."
"It doesn’t happen fast — it starts really slow and then builds up. It might already be too late by the time you start feeling old. Stay active and keep moving. If you don’t move now, you won’t be able to in the end.
Sometimes even that isn’t enough. But you can be sure that those who are sedentary throughout their life suffer far more often than those who stay active.
I wouldn’t have listened back when I was young, but one more person warning me wouldn’t hurt anything."
13."I wish I would have realized that my body image issues were a total waste of time."
"I didn't need other people's permission, and most of my suffering was coming from the bullshit stories I was telling myself."
14."Compound interest, hands down. I mean, I knew it was powerful — but teenage me thought it was some boring adult thing like taxes or owning a shed."
"If I had fully understood how time truly is money, I’d have tucked away every spare dollar from birthday cards or my minimum-wage job into an investment account. It turns out that those $20 bills could’ve grown into something serious just by letting time do its thing. Instead, I spent it on fast food and CDs (Yes, I’m that old).
The moral of the story? Start early, and compound interest turns your money into the financial version of sourdough — it grows when you don’t even touch it."
15."That there were people in my life who should have been looking out for me but were actually manipulating me for their own interests."
"I wish I had known that the values I would eventually choose as right for me and my life would be at odds with the values of most of my 'role models.'
Basically, I wish it hadn't taken me a lifetime to understand who to trust and who not to trust. I wish I had understood that growing up was so confusing because so many people's words didn't align with their actions, and I was right to notice that."
16."Remember that you are still developing your mind and your discrimination. If a little voice inside says, 'Maybe don't do that,' listen."
"Don't be afraid to ask others for help with decision-making. Often, these people are not your parents!
There are wise people out there who are understanding and kind and won't judge you. But they can listen and share their own thoughts with you."
17."When elders gave me advice, it USUALLY wasn't because they thought they were better than me..."
"I understand now that my elders had far more experience with people than I did. They could see situations for what they actually were because they'd been there, done that, and were separated from the drama. Listening to them would have saved me so much time and heartache.
Many elders are very stuck in their times, so take this with a grain of salt, especially nowadays, but truly consider what they're trying to tell you."
What was your favorite bit of advice? Are there any life lessons you wish someone had taught you in your younger years? Let us know in the comments! (Or if you would prefer to stay anonymous, you can answer using this Google Form).
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
