Netflix's Adolescence destroys number one piece of parenting advice: 'Terrifying thought'

As someone known for being carefree to the point of recklessness, I couldn't have imagined that having my son would ignite a hypervigilance in me that would have served me better in my 20s. And my 30s, if I'm being completely honest.

Once a person who lived by the motto of 'act first, think later', I now liken myself to a cartoon robot, constantly scanning and assessing situations for things that could potentially harm my child and for ways to prevent that from happening. It's a constant hum in my already overactive mind and I sometimes have to laugh at what a cliché I've turned into when I hear myself saying:

"Watch your head on the sharp edge of the dining table!"

"Don't run by the pool, darling, the surface is slippery."

"Have you thought about how high that jump is? You could hurt yourself."

It's an internal monologue any toddler parent is familiar with, and while it can be exhausting to see safety hazards in every situation, there is also comfort in their conspicuousness. We believe that if we can see the danger, we can control it, and, to a certain extent, this is true.

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But what happens when those dangers are things that we cannot see? When those sharp edges and slippery surfaces don't take the form of dining room tables and pavers around a pool but insidious online messaging and misogynistic "locker room chat" that we are not privy to?

This is the confronting reality that Adolescence, the four-part Netflix limited series that you have likely watched and almost definitely heard people talking about, is forcing parents to face - whether they are ready to or not.

As you probably are aware, the plot revolves around a 13-year-old boy who has killed one of his female classmates. Each episode, stunningly shot in a single take, tries to unravel the question of "why?". Why did this freckled, gangly kid who loves history and drawing do something so inconceivably horrific, and who is to blame for it?

I would hazard a guess that most parents who have watched it have immediately thought, "My child would never do this", before coming to the heartbreaking realisation that this could, and does, happen to anyone. The series forces us to grapple with what our kids could be capable of if influenced in ways unfamiliar to us, having grown up without the pressure of sharing every aspect of our lives online.

Watching Adolescence with my partner has led to us having more in-depth conversations about what it means to raise a son in a time of unfettered access to the internet and social media and all of the deep wells and dark corners that inhabit it. It's prompted us to think about how we may one day tackle issues like consent, rejection and respect with our child and, like every parent we know, to wonder if we are doing enough to raise a "good kid".

And therein lies the tragedy and brilliance of Adolescence, right? It's the way it attempts to unpack the fact that even the "good kids" with "good parents" can be radicalised and influenced by forces greater than our love. It's a terrifying thought when we are so often told that when it comes to our children, "all we can do is love them."

Yes, we need to love them, but love alone is sadly not enough. We also need to talk to them. We need to model mutual respect and make it irrefutably true that they can tell us anything and that we will be there to listen and not judge. To make it known that we are there to help them navigate the challenges of growing up with technology as a constant companion.

There will always be things about being a parent that we can't control. We cannot control what other people choose to put online or how governments respond to it. We can't control the rhetoric spewed by prolific and problematic people like Andrew Tate and Donald Trump.

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We also definitely cannot control our kids.

Because the point of having kids is not to control them but to gently guide them into being the best versions of themselves that they can be. To make them aware of the high jumps, sharp edges, and slippery surfaces of humanity so that they can learn to dismantle them and encourage others to do the same. Our job is no longer only to ensure that our kids are safe from harm but that other people's kids are, too.

As parents, we must continue to ask if we are doing enough, if we could be doing more or if we could be doing it better.

If there's one thing that Adolescence teaches us, it's that our children's lives quite literally depend on it.

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