Yahoo Lifestyle 23 Incredibly Honest Confessions From A Morgue Worker That Will Change How You See Death
Recently, on Reddit, someone who works in a morgue invited other users to ask them absolutely any question they might have about the profession, and it led to a truly fascinating conversation.
She kicked off the thread, writing, "I’m a morgue attendant and I take in the unexplained/unexpected deaths in my city. I work along side pathologists, funeral directors, the police and tend to the families of the deceased. We do visual IDs of people and also viewings while they are in our care. AMA!"
Here are some of the most interesting questions and answers:
Note: comments have been lightly edited for clarity.
1.Q: How did you get that job? What were the requirements for it?
A: I am also a funeral director and embalmer. I entered the death industry and just never left. I love it so much as I have a purpose now: looking after those who have died. I was so frightened of death when I was younger, so I became the person who I would want to look after me.
2.Q: What does a typical day at work look like for you?
A: As death has no timetable, I work 12-hour shifts on call to bring down hospital deaths and receive coroner deaths. Some days, I sit around for hours on end with nothing. Other days, I’m absolutely nonstop. I receive, do the paperwork, and file the decedents into their "cabinets," and sometimes their families wish to stay in our family room to be nearby (a part of our culture to do so).
3.Q: I'm a radiology student and I've learned a lot of my human anatomy on cadavers! I thought I would be freaked out by it, but I wasn't, while other people, even months into the class, can't get very close to the bodies. So, how long did it take you to get used to the bodies? Are there times when seeing them still makes you sad, creeped out, or generally upset? Or is it mostly normal to you now?
A: Day one, I guess I was a bit taken aback, but now I see vessels and people I never knew. I admire people, their scars and tattoos, and the hints of a life well lived, and I honor them. I move the shells which homed souls.
4.Q: Are you used to the smell?
A: The smell. Oh lord… I think I get used to it and then it just hits me like a ton of bricks. I have a higher threshold than most people, but sometimes it just fries your eyebrows off.
And here is a very fun fact — the lipids in our skin absorb the smell. If you’re around it often enough, you soak it in, and then you fart out that exact smell. My husband (bless him) has to put up with my decomp-smelly ass for as long as I work there. God, I love him.
5.Q: Do you ever converse with people in your care?
A: Absolutely. I talk to the people in my care, and I’m a singer, so I’m usually belting my heart out around the morgue. I compliment them and tell them how lovely their family is.
6.Q: Do you ever struggle with the sadness that comes with death? If so, is there support for you?
A: Absolutely! We have grief counseling available if needed. Every now and then, I’ll see a case that breaks my barrier. I do my best to leave everything at the door. My mantra is, "It’s not my grief." My husband is also in the industry, and we quickly vent and move on. I can be empathetic, but I will not be apathetic.
7.Q: Does the age of the deceased impact you and your work emotionally? I am not sure of your gender and family situation, but I assume that for those who are mothers, it would be difficult to work with children. Any thoughts on this?
A: I’m a 31-year-old woman with no children. The ones that hurt me the most are young people who die by suicide or die tragically. It’s not their time, yet it is. I pour my heart out for them and their families as I couldn’t imagine a bigger heartbreak. I will pull out all the stops so their start to their grief journey is as best as it could be in a troubled situation.
I’m not a mother or will not be a mother, but I still empathize with families who have lost their babies.
8.Q: How do you cope with children? I face death so much in my job; my patients often pass away from terminal diseases. But children get me. How do you cope with all that potential life they had being over, especially when it’s preventable?
A: It’s not my grief. I have a barrier around me that disassociates vessels from the person. I feel empathy, but I am the guardian of their vessel; I focus on that. Not who they were or who they would have been. It was never my decision to make. I honor them and give them dignity, and that’s all I can do as a person in their lives. It hurts, but I leave it at the door every day.
9.Q: Have you ever had to take care of someone you knew, and if so, how close were you?
A: Not yet, but it breaks my heart knowing one day I will. I don’t know their names until I sign them in.
10.Q: What was the strangest death you've come across?
A: There are two I can think of, and they are so bizarre.
A man got drunk and fell over (maybe hit his head) while being chased by a swan. The swan then proceeded to eat his face completely off. I couldn’t believe the damage that was done.
The second was a man who was walking his dog, and a taxi nearby backed into a stop sign. The sign fell and, like an axe, went into his skull, splitting it down the middle.
11.Q: Has this changed how you view death and how we should care for the dead?
A: I became an embalmer after falling in love with the Egyptian practices when I was a little girl. The way they honored their deceased in such a passionate way and prepared them for life after death according to their beliefs encouraged me to do the same in modern times.
I’ve gained so much insight into different cultures and the positive ways that we can grieve. I’d love to see people embrace practices like washing their loved ones, dressing them, and taking them home to sit with them and their grief. Be the person who presses the cremation button or lowers the casket yourself as a family. Involve yourself so you can take away the fact that you were a part of their end journey.
12.Q: You work closely with death and dead people, which are things that most of us don't like to think about. You must be exposed to grief and violence. Has your work changed your outlook spiritually at all? Say in regards to a possible afterlife or the existence of a soul?
A: Honestly, the work has really rattled my understanding of death. But in a good way? I’m more intrigued about what happens after than scared. For me, I work purely with vessels, and I am their caregiver. I honor them, and I feel like I’m making a difference to those who are grieving. It gives me purpose. I have no faith but honor all faiths for my patron's sake.
You learn so much about cultures and faiths through death, and all of them intrigue and inspire me.
13.Q: You said you’re an embalmer — do you ever put makeup on people for open casket funerals? If so, what is that like? I’m always so curious how they can get people so lifelike and peaceful.
A: Yes, I’m a skilled makeup artist also! The skin acts very differently when it’s cold and/or embalmed. We use specific foundations that don’t need heat to blend. We use a color-matched cream, which is slightly darker than the skin tone, to give warmth, and my trick (which I learned from drag queens, lol) is to douse the translucent or setting powder with blurs and blends! We also have makeup and hairdressers who come in for bigger jobs, which are above my ability for people who are more "dolled up."
I specialize in reconstructing, which uses wax, which is a very different ball game, but the mortuary cosmetics are brilliant at making it work if you know them well.
14.Q: Have you ever watched a cremation? Does it take a while or is it really quick at a high temperature? Does the coffin burn first, I guess? Sorry but I've kind of always wondered about it. One of our relatives insisted on going through and watching her husband being cremated because she wanted to be with him literally to the very end, which freaked out everyone else at the service!
A: Great question! Yes, my husband works in a crematorium, so I’ve seen the entire process, and it’s absolutely fascinating! The casket is a dry material so burns up very quickly, the body has so much fluid that it takes time to evaporate. It takes about 2.5-3 hours for a standard body.
I respect your relative as I would do the same. We are told by society how to grieve, but it’s so personal that we should be able to choose what we experience for our own journey.
15.Q: Has anyone in your care ever been pronounced dead but woken up? Not in a zombie way but a misdiagnosis way.
A: I always say — if someone wakes up in my care, that’s the day I quit. I have doctors often coming down to declare people dead for the paperwork, and they still have to listen for a heartbeat or pupil dilation for legal purposes.
16.Q: In regards to organ donors, how is the process dealt with? Do you specifically receive the body before or after? As a registered donor, I would like to think that my wiggly bits are removed and I'm duct taped up before my relatives see me as a deflated sack.
A: I love this question!! To be a viable organ donor, you have to be on life support. When people die in accidents, it’s already too late to harvest. However, you can donate your eyes and skin even your brain. Anything that is taken out is just replaced with plain old cotton. We are just meat sacks, to be frank, and can easily be filled out with stuffing like a lil' teddy bear.
When I embalm a post-mortem case, the organs are taken out and put back again in a bag or dry packed back into the cavity. Your ribs keep a pretty rounded shape, so you’re not going to deflate or look like a boneless chicken.
17.Q: What’s the worst body you’ve seen as far as decomposition?
A: We recently received a body who had been submerged in water for five years in a car. The stagnant water created an almost mummy but pure white. Very interesting!
18.Q: What is the most moving or beautiful experience you have had since you started this journey?
A: I once went to the site where someone died in a tragic accident with the wife of the person who passed. It was no ritual of any culture, but they did their own. We gathered around his place of death with pheasant feathers and took our time to take in the scenery and birds. It was one of the most spiritual things I’ve ever been a part of.
I was the first person to touch him after he had died (I was transporting him), and his person really stayed with me until that moment, and I could grieve for someone I had never met and let him go. This is why I believe ceremony is so important, no matter how small. After I left, she gave me so much pheasant meat, and my family and I had a lovely dinner.
19.Q: Maybe a silly question — do you find you are busier around full moons or different moon phases? I take care of the living, and many of us nurses are superstitious when it comes to the moon.
A: This is such a great question and something I haven’t really paid attention to until recently when I saw a similar post about it! Seasonal deaths are definitely a thing, busiest as we're heading into winter and it gets colder. But full moons, I don’t know the patterns enough to comment. But I’m fully on board with moon phases and behaviors, so it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest!
20.Q: What’s the coolest tattoo you’ve seen?
A: I’ve seen so many!! My favorite was a tattooed coroner's toe tag (ON THE TOE!) that said "DOA" (dead on arrival). We had a chuckle at that one.
21.Q: Do you believe in ghosts?
A: I have very little experience with paranormal activity in my morgue but have heard others swear black and blue that they have. I never feel scared, and I work alone a lot. It’s the living I’m more frightened of.
22.Q: Do you ever have bad or scary dreams from what you see at work?
A: Yes, I do, actually, but it’s mostly work-stress related, like I have to embalm someone who Is rotting or missing a head, and their funeral is starting in 10 minutes kind of thing.
23.Q: What’s your favorite work-related joke?
A: If I died in an accident, I’d still end up at work. 🤣
Were you surprised by anything she shared about her work in the morgue? Or do you have any personal experience working with the dead? Tell us what you think in the comments.
And if you've had a life experience that you'd like to answer questions about for a future BuzzFeed post, let me know in this anonymous Google form.
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