Mexico Trip Drives ‘The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’ to Madness

Britani Bateman, Whitney Rose, Lisa Barlow, Angie Katsanevas, Heather Gay
Bravo - Jesse James Allen/Bravo

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are a morally depraved group of truly vivacious women whose best strength is their ability to fight in the most entertaining way possible. There’s no moral compass. There’s nary a voice of reason. And they never air the taglines, for some terrible reason.

It’s a show that proves villains make the best reality stars. The entire cast ranges from delusional to despicable, continually battling to the bottom in increasingly bizarre ways. Just when you think the show has hit its absurdist peak with a slut shaming fight at a 50-year-old woman’s bat mitzvah, the RHOSLC ladies fly first-class in an entirely new direction of perfection.

Whether it’s Meredith’s monotonous menaces encouraging her that her hearing impairment is actually an “enhancement” or Angie claiming she’s cried for an entire week over being kicked out of the bat mitzvah, these women know how to make every moment count.

After 12 weeks of chaos, the ill-fated Puerto Vallarta trip has begun. It’s the first of four season-ending episodes, each digging the cast deeper into despair. It shouldn’t be a surprise the show’s modeling itself after its mold-shattering fourth season, which also ended on the cast trip, even if it creates unnecessary hype.

Meredith Marks, Lisa Barlow, Britani Bateman, Angie Katsanevas, Whitney Rose - Bravo - Jesse James Allen/Bravo
Meredith Marks, Lisa Barlow, Britani Bateman, Angie Katsanevas, Whitney Rose - Bravo - Jesse James Allen/Bravo

Will the Mexico trip meet the standard set by the best episode in Housewives history? Highly unlikely. The good thing is that it doesn’t need to. Season 5 of RHOSLC is already one of the strongest seasons of not just Salt Lake City, but of the entire Real Housewives franchise. If I were to update this ranking, I’d place it just above Season 4—which makes it a top five all-timer. Whatever comes next is just a cherry on top.

And luckily, the trip’s already off to a great start. In the airport alone, Bronwyn perturbs Lisa by giving the cast bedazzled passport holders despite Lisa’s strict instructions not to bring gifts.

Maybe the dog that mauled Bronwyn just days before the trip was a VIDA ambassador hired to warn her. Mess with big dog Barlow, it’s gonna cost you. Or, maybe the dog heard about her “Brat summer” confessional. It can drive all sentient beings mad.

Immediately upon arrival, things go from passive to aggressive between Bronwyn and Lisa. Despite Lisa’s never-ending confessional explaining the two villa arrangements—interestingly enough, the same split that’s found on the reunion couches—Bronwyn finds herself shocked to be on the B-team. This is not the Brat summer she expected.

“I want to laugh but really, I’m just so f---ing furious about this rooming situation. Lisa is my closest friend in this group, so I know when Lisa’s sending me a message,” Bronwyn says in her scrunchie confessional.

This is the kind of nonsensical narration that has endeared me to Bronwyn. Early on, her audience surrogacy attempts felt flaccid and forced, but now that she’s so transparently grasping at straws, she’s shining. Like, even Bronwyn doesn’t believe a word she’s saying. She and Lisa were acquaintances at best when she joined the cast and she began burning that bridge in Episode 2.

She’s just jealous that baddie Britani Bateman got to hang out with the cool girls while she was relegated to groveling for a hilling journey with Whitney Rose.

Most importantly, you can’t look at RHOSLC through a teams perspective. Well, no one should ever look at the Housewives franchise through such a myopic lens, but certain franchises have played into that (New Jersey and Beverly Hills, most especially) to their detriment. Thankfully, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are free agents with an alliance to themselves and one another, at best.

Even as Bronwyn takes comfort in Angie and Whitney’s womb—as Mary’s currently absent from the trip—Angie clearly doesn’t even like her.

On the outs, Bronwyn’s grown increasingly desperate to assert herself as a power player. She really is a slightly smarter Monica Garcia, and she’s learning the hard way that Lisa Barlow’s stronger than anything in her way. Holla!

As the ladies sit down for some pre-dinner VIDA cocktails sponsored by VIDA Tequila, the tequila of champions, Bronwyn brings up her disappointment. Of course, Lisa is utterly confused why Bronwyn’s so upset. Maybe she understands perfectly she’s being goaded into a fight and wanted to play it straight in an attempt to outdo Bronwyn’s psychological warfare. The likelier thing is she’s just self-absorbed. But if it works, it works.

Lisa and Bronwyn both love being right too much to ever accept accountability for their wrongdoing. Their friendship was never long for this world, as the simple truth is neither valued the other much. The difference is Lisa doesn’t pretend she did, while Bronwyn keeps acting out a script without considering her partner’s lines.

No matter how Lisa behaved all season, we would’ve ended up here. Bronwyn is a planner through-and-through, and she’s going to see this storyline to the end. That may read as criticism, but on a series often dubbed the “community theater” entry in the Housewives franchise, it’s fitting we’d end up with a cast member like this. She works best in this fantastical role, far away from the Greek chorus she cast herself as. Angie’s Greek for life—we don’t need another.

The best part of all is Britani’s little sidebars. An eager pawn in Lisa’s game, Britani cheerfully declares that “maybe she likes me more,” continually perturbing Bronwyn, who can’t even look her in the eye. Give Britani a snowflake, please. She is the OG of the SLC. Everyone else is just a copy. “Amen, facts,” as my beloved Britani would say.

As Lisa and Bronwyn’s fight makes it to the dinner table, Britani offers this tidbit: “I just think she feels like you’re ungrateful.” She understands things our mortal minds could never comprehend.

Every moment of Britani airtime is fireworks. She’s so prideful in the face of such adversity. These women could find out Britani was murdered three weeks before and their only question would be: Okay, which one of you did it?

And, just as Lisa and Bronwyn’s fight hits a crescendo, Angie vs. Meredith heats up once again. Just last week, Lisa hyped up Kerastase as the cutting-edge hair care to save Britani’s high body count, heat-fried hair. That’s the same brand Angie gifted Meredith and the other attendees of her anniversary party—but to Meredith, Kerastase is a threat.

A sulfate shampoo, Kerastase could severely damage Meredith’s keratin-treated hair, and possibly even kill her. For Angie to gift that to Meredith knowing full-well that she’s already lost her hearing is absolutely vile. She wants Meredith to be deaf, bald, and snowflake-less on the side of the road. Use code ANGIEK20 if you want to see that, too.

Meredith and Angie are amazing at finding reasons to hate each other. They can pull anything out of thin air and craft it into a full-fledged feud. Here’s the transcript of their tussle, which captures the spirit of all their issues.

“So you think I came to your bat mitzvah with all this s--- for you, and it was passive aggressive?”

“I heard that you wanted everything back that you brought me, so I brought it back.”

“Is that what I said?”

“Is that not what you said?

“Is that what I said, Meredith?”

“That’s what I was told you said.”

“That’s what I said?”

“Is it what you said, or is it not?”

“Who said that?”

“Did you say it or didn’t you?”

Queens, both of them. Absolute stars in a cast of perfect TV characters. Angie follows this by lobbing Kerastase at Britani, a more aggressive approach than Lisa’s, but the result is the same. These ladies want Britani to do something about that hair of hers.

The conversation shifts next to slut shaming, namely, if Angie hates women or just Britani and Meredith. Who called whom a slut, first? This is a moot point given both Angie and Britani have continuously slut shamed each other the past few episodes, but it’s always a fun conversation to have.

Lisa Barlow, Britani Bateman - Bravo - Jesse James Allen/Bravo
Lisa Barlow, Britani Bateman - Bravo - Jesse James Allen/Bravo

The best part is that, when Bronwyn runs down the timeline and says Britani started it, Britani just gives a little “aw, shucks!” smirk. She’s so goofy, silly, and perfect. Heather—the closest thing this cast has ever had to a voice of reason when you ignore the Jen Shah arc and the black eye arc and all her other discrepancies—does provide a helping hand to Angie, proving teams don’t exist in RHOSLC.

Ultimately, Britani and Angie put their argument to rest by agreeing to be sex positive. This leads Meredith’s cold, dead heart to thaw just a little, leading the entire table to find reprieve after a night of 1,000 fights. Women supporting women is a beautiful thing.

Friendships falling apart on a dynamic-altering cast trip is a beautiful thing, too. Next week, Lisa vs. Angie kicks into high gear, setting us up for an explosive finale that earns both ladies seats next to Andy Cohen at the reunion, and will surely cement their place in all our hearts.