Men Are Sharing Stories Of Their Feelings Being Embraced By Other Men, And It's A Wonderful Break From The "Toxic Masculinity" Stereotype

I recently asked the BuzzFeed Community about men's experiences having their feelings dismissed or ignored by other men. But in a wholesome plot twist, most men actually shared stories of their feelings being *embraced* by other men! Please enjoy the heartfelt responses that prove men have feelings too, and toxic masculinity is a disease:

Note: Not all responses are from the BuzzFeed Community. Some are from this Reddit thread and this Reddit thread.

1."Honestly, it’s been quite the opposite. I have about five good male friends with whom we constantly talk about our feelings. Emotional struggles, insecurities, marital and relationship issues, it all comes up. We rarely break down in tears, but we address some things."

2."I've only had really positive experiences speaking with men about my issues. It's finding the courage to open up about my issues with my friends that's the problem, never the responses I get. I don't think continuing this negative stereotype helps anybody, to be honest. There are men's groups opening up in every city in the civilized world, men's support groups opening in corporations worldwide, more men's charities starting, and a sea of change in how men are encouraging each other to talk. Maybe we should focus on that instead?"

3."Great idea to think about the variety of ways men overcome their reluctance to talk. An example is tying conversation with an activity. A professional athlete in Canada founded a men's group for the outdoorsy/athletic types who might not otherwise participate. He makes them chop wood, canoe, etc., to get some of their energy out. In the evening, they sit around a fire to talk."

4."It depends on whether they are a real pal or just an acquaintance. You have to really trust another guy to open up emotionally. We feel this way because, for most of our lives, we've witnessed how men are emasculated (usually family members or other male friends sharing emotions with their female partners). Or we watch people laugh at a boy who is crying versus how they treat girls when they cry. So you learn young that the world doesn't care about men's feelings. So you push that down, and maybe, if you're lucky, you someday find a solid pal you can open up to without fear of mockery."

5."In my experience, the women in my life dismiss my feelings more than the men in my life. In fact, I can't think of a time the men in my life dismissed my feelings."

6."Showing emotions as a man works out in my favor, but that’s typically only in very close friendships that have lasted years."

7."I can't speak for all men, but when I was in my early 20s and had a robust social circle (both men and women), I most certainly did. There were dudes I was close enough to that we'd be up to the wee hours of the morning having deep conversations about our relationships, mental health and insecurities."

8."I've been friends with the same group of guys for over 15 years. We're all very close. We share our feelings and get emotional around each other often. I've, on occasion, broken down into tears around them when sharing really tough things. It's never usually around the whole group, more so when it's just two or three of us, and there's the opportunity to slow down and talk about life a bit."

9."My best friends and I talk all the time about our relationship fuck ups and how we feel. We give each other advice and hold each other accountable. We grieve together. We celebrate together. We cry on each other's shoulders. Men don't use their feelings against you (unless you're a perv). Maybe I'm just lucky to have such good friends."

10."Only with my best friend of the last 10 years. And TBH, it’s kind of funny that the other dudes I’m friends with act super macho and shit and act like no one understands them, or they have to 'get through shit on their own like a man.' These dudes are the most miserable. Like, I went through hell on my own for a number of years and didn’t talk to anyone, but it’s a lot easier when you can talk to someone. Even if you don’t tell them absolutely everything, at least you are still getting shit off your chest."

11."The suppression of feelings causing such harm should be a clue that the idea that 'men are supposed to be men' is what got us here, and that men need to learn to talk to each other, even if it's just a pat on the back or a 'I'm struggling' into 'let's do something.' Just the knowledge that your friend is going through it can change the energy in a way that's supportive, but so many men are caught in the trap of feeling like burdens when, in fact, holding it all in is just...putting more rocks in the bag. The people around you have to hold them either way sooner or later. Might as well share the load."

12."I have spent the last two to three years being first-line support for one of my male friends. Listening to crying, frustration, anger, and multiple hour-long rants for catharsis. It's fairly normal outside the world of stereotypes."

13."My friends and family members (men and women) have all expressed admiration for my vulnerability and compassion. It’s enabled them to comfortably demonstrate the same characteristics. Live your truth."

And finally, this user shared this very important distinction when it comes to men being emotional and vulnerable:

14."I'm all about men showing emotion if they're doing it in a regulated way. You can cry. You can be frustrated. You can do whatever. But some men just become explosive instead, or it becomes more like emotional vomit instead of expression, and THAT is always a turn-off. In fact, it can be extremely frightening sometimes. No one wants to be on the receiving end of that. Express, don't explode. Work on emotional regulation so you can express it in healthier ways. And if you're striving for health and people wanna demean you for it, find new people. It's dumb. Men should be allowed to be emotional too."

Men, comment below to share your experiences of having shared your emotions with other men. Or if you've had your feelings dismissed or ignored (by men or women), tell us all about it.

Responses have been edited for length/clarity.