The 'men you meet at 19' phenomenon is all over the internet. What is it?

How old were you when you experienced your first major heartbreak, and was it 19? If so, you're not alone. The “man you meet at 19” phenomenon has circulated the internet, with social media users reassuring each other that whoever you date at 19 is “not your soulmate” – he may actually be your rock bottom.

“I wish I listened when people said the older guy you meet when you’re 19 usually turns out to be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make,” wrote one TikTok user. This TikToker’s warning amassed nearly 5 million views: “The man y’all date when you’re 19 theory is real. If you’re 19, stay single.”

So what is it about being 19 that makes us so susceptible to dating the wrong person or getting our hearts broken?

“Our brains still aren't fully formed, and so the emotional part of your brain experiences things really intensely,” psychotherapist and author Amy Morin explains. “Falling in love can be quite intense. But also, if there's a breakup, it feels incredibly intense then as well.”

It’s an age where “people are still figuring out who they are,” Morin adds, which can lead to choosing the wrong partner or dating someone who is not meant for you long-term. But, “it's also a great time for experimenting with what kind of life you want to have, who you want to spend your time with and what you want your life to look like.”

19 is a transitional period between adolescence and adulthood

19 is a time in our lives when people are exploring, taking in new experiences and figuring out who they want to be. “For a lot of people, you don't really know yourself enough yet,” Morin says. “So then to figure out who would I want to spend my life with would be a really tough thing to answer.”

It’s also hard for young people to see that far ahead in their lives, which can lead to more irrational or impulsive relationships. “It can be more consuming than the relationships you have in the future,” says psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis. “Because as you get older, you tend to focus more into the future and do future planning. But at 19, you are more in the moment, or just a few years ahead.”

And it’s not just women who may experience the 19 phenomenon. Young girls are “sometimes socialized to think their worth will be dependent on a relationship as opposed to their career,” Morin explains, but everyone struggles with the loss of a relationship, regardless of gender.

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People may lack the tools to identify red flags

In this transitory period, many people still lack strong relationship and communication skills, which can make it harder to detect red flags.

When you’re experiencing the excitement of falling in love, possibly for the first time, the good days can overpower the bad ones. But at the same time, people may not have the tools to set boundaries or speak up for themselves, and find themselves stuck in a bad situation.

“We may be more susceptible to an unhealthy relationship because you wouldn't be as likely to recognize what's happening to you if somebody's subtly putting you down, if somebody is love bombing you one day and then they're disappearing the next,” Morin says.

Sarkis says it’s important for people to educate themselves and their friends about red flags ahead of time so they can more easily shut down a toxic relationship and seek help.

What are relationship red flags? Here's what you should look for.

Be open to new experiences. You will find love again

Sarkis says that not every relationship you have at 19 will last, but that doesn’t mean it’s always a bad one. The most important step forward, she says, is to look at what you’ve learned from it. “That's where the growth happens,” she adds.

You may look back and realize that the relationship didn't work out because it wasn't the right person, or that you weren't happy because you were "trying to fit yourself into somebody else's life," Morin says. But if you’re convinced the person you met at 19 is the only person in the world for you and it didn’t work out, “you will probably live a pretty lonely life," she adds.

As you grow older and wiser, you'll likely develop more skills and be more successful in a future relationship. Eventually, you stop thinking about your regrets and learn what you want (and what you won’t tolerate) in the future.

"Remind yourself there's a lot of people in the world," Morin says. "The chances of you never finding anybody else are pretty slim.”

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: The 'men you meet at 19' phenomenon is all over social media. What is it?