Luxe Listings Sydney is property porn from Amazon Prime Video

·Contributor
·3-min read

Streamer: Amazon Prime Video

Length: 6 x episodes (40-55 minutes each)

Score: 3/5

It’s fair to say, for most people, real estate agents are a temporary factor. You’ll meet them, they’ll show you places, lie about that wonky door getting fixed, exaggerate the assets of the surrounding area and be on their way once the sale is made.

Some of them are quite nice, some of them are super dodgy, but they tend to have minimal importance. For most people.

The super rich, on the other hand? Whole other story, as illustrated by the new Aussie reality TV show, Luxe Listings Sydney.

Simon Cohen and Gavin Rubinstein on Luxe Listings Sydney
Real estate is all about location, location, location. And that view behind Simon Cohen and Gavin Rubinstein? Pretty damn good one. Photo: Amazon Prime Video

Luxe Listings Sydney follows three of the best agents in town (just ask them, they’ll tell you).

There’s Gavin Rubinstein, the pint-sized ambition machine, Simon Cohen, the brassy commitment-phobe and D’Leanne Lewis, a more mature, classy agent who definitely seems like the most tolerable of the three.

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The show has the audience following around one or more of this trio, as they attempt to flog some of Sydney’s flashiest pads.

We get lingering, envy-inducing sequences showcasing these joints, some of which are tacky beyond belief, whereas others are gorgeous and dammit, why can’t we be rich too?

It’s a well shot affair as well, with clever editing somehow making Sydney look like a thriving social destination and not a life support system for various casinos, which is an impressive feat these days.

Gavin Rubinstein in a suit and sunglasses on Luxe Listings Sydney
What Gavin Rubinstein lacks in verticality, he more than makes up for in ambition and belief in himself. Like, a LOT of belief in himself. Photo: Amazon Prime Video

You’ll get a fly on the wall view of high power auctions, cringe as the agents try to lowball or price gouge one another and stare in shocked silence as they manage to sell a one bedder in Bondi the size of an outdoor dunny for THREE MILLION DOLLARYDOOS.

It’s sickening and fascinating at the same time to see how much dosh some people have to waste.

Sadly, however, Luxe Listings Sydney is severely lacking in one important area: D-RAAAAAAAMA! There’s precious little. Sure, there’s a bit of sniping between Gavin and D’Leanne, but no one throws their drink or says “game on, molls”. Disappointing, frankly.

Perhaps Aussies just aren’t as catastrophically exhibitionistic as our American friends, or maybe people dealing with sums of money this big aren’t keen on getting into drunken scrag fights, but it sure would help during a couple of the slower episodes.

D'Leanne Lewis and Simon Cohen looking at each other on Luxe Listings Sydney
D'Leanne Lewis wants Simon Cohen to know she's not angry, just disappointed. Photo: Amazon Prime Video

Put it this way, if you’re looking for Shahs of Sunset style fighting and shouting matches you’re likely to be let down. If, however, you’re keen to have a sneaky squiz at the type of house that sells for $45 million, and the sort of people who bid on them? You’re in for a treat.

Luxe Listings Sydney is not champagne reality TV. It’s a bit too safe, a bit too contrived to reach those trashy heights. Plus our central trio, while a bit slick at times, all sadly have redeeming qualities.

No, the show is more like store brand corn chips. A bit less spicy than the name brand version, with a little less crunch, but you know what? It’s still corn chips and you certainly won’t want to stop at just one.

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