Yahoo Lifestyle I Just Watched "Sex And The City" From Start To Finish For The First Time, And I'm Honestly Shocked At How Little Some Things Have Changed
Like many millennials, I was way too young to watch Sex and the City when it first aired on HBO in 1998. Luckily for us, it became one of the most iconic shows based on young women in their 30s navigating love, sex, careers, and friendship in New York City.
If you're unfamiliar with the show's premise, it's centered around four single best friends with very different life choices, careers, and goals who all sip on cosmos and prance around the city in runway-worthy outfits.
Like many women, I watched reruns of the beloved show throughout my young adulthood — college-aged into my 20s — hoping one day I'd live a glamourous life similar to Carrie Bradshaw, Miranda Hobbes, Charlotte York, or Samantha Jones — running around with friends in Manhattan drinking cosmos at night and debriefing about life's woes over eggs in a local diner the next morning.
As a journalism student, when I first started watching the show, I obviously identified with Carrie. I prayed that one day, I could ponder my thoughts, sitting in front of my laptop, writing while looking out the window of my NYC apartment. What a dream, am I right?
Honestly, although I was very familiar with the show and its characters, I had never watched the series in order from its first to last season. As a newly single 31-year-old straight woman working in Manhattan, navigating life as best as I could, I decided to rewatch the entire Sex and the City. I nodded my head 'yes' a ton, and felt validated in many ways.
It's important to note that while I'm highlighting a lot of positive realizations I had while rewatching the series, that isn't to say there were many things about the show that made me cringe. Like the many annoying sex scenes (yes, I said it), ridiculously cheesy lines, and overall unrealistic themes — Carrie's lavish lifestyle as a freelance writer/columnist, the women constantly meeting new men and/or getting hit on while just simply existing out and about in the streets of NYC.
It's also quite obvious how much the show lacks diversity and inclusion, so much so that the show's execs promised to do better in its 2021 revival sequel, And Just Like That (discussing that series is for another time). Or the disappointment with how they handled certain topics, like sexuality, in a close-minded way — remember when Carrie couldn't handle dating a bisexual man and ended things with him as a result? Come on, Carrie!
Since I am only focusing on things I personally related to and felt validated by from rewatching the series, here are some of my favorite moments from SATC and why I think they're important to point out now more than ever:
Note: There is no particular order in this ranking.
1.How the show addressed navigating breakups and the mixed emotions that follow them.
As I mentioned earlier, I went through a breakup back in the fall, and although I knew it was for the best, I felt such a wave of emotions for a long time — some days, I felt empowered; other days, I cried for hours; and other times, I felt angry and hurt. Throughout SATC, we, of course, see many breakups take place (HELLO BIG, STEVE, RICHARD, etc..), and it was quite therapeutic for me, especially as they navigated the topic of breakups.
The topic of navigating a breakup (especially in today's wild dating world) while still having feelings there, even if you know the relationship — or person — isn't good for you, is a heavy one. A line said by Carrie in the early seasons, "If you love someone and you break up, where does the love go?" reflects on the lingering feelings even after a breakup and helped me and so many people experiencing a breakup feel validated.
2.How the show discussed reproductive health issues in a very realistic, digestible way.
In an earlier season of the show, Miranda visits her ob-gyn and decides to get off of birth control (because she says her sex life is dull) and finds out from her doctor that she has a "lazy ovary," meaning that it will be challenging for her to have kids if she decides to one day. IMO, it was refreshing to see the topic of reproductive health issues being openly discussed on a TV show.
It's known that once women enter their mid-30s, their egg count and quality begin declining (which can obviously vary from person to person), which makes it tricky since the social pressure to have a baby gets cranked way up at 30. The topic of fertility issues, egg freezing, and whether or not some of us even want kids is suddenly constantly being talked about when you're in your early 30s (or at least, it is in my world).
If you know the show, Miranda's lazy ovary clearly didn't stop her from getting pregnant with her and Steve's son, Brady. So, while many of us women might be on an emotional life rollercoaster once we reach our 30s, Miranda is proof that stressing over a sentence said to her by a doctor is not worth it in the end.
3.How the show dove into heavy topics, such as abortion.
Speaking of Miranda getting pregnant, when she first found out about the news, she seemed to have already made up her mind about getting an abortion. She declared this news to her friends, which opened up the conversation to Samantha and Carrie, both recounting the times they, too, have had abortions.
We're clearly living in a time when abortions are a sensitive topic. As of last month, 19 states have banned or restricted the procedure earlier in pregnancy "than the standard set by Roe v. Wade, which governed reproductive rights for nearly half a century until the Supreme Court overturned the decision in 2022," according to The New York Times. Watching a show made over 20 years ago discussing such a heavy topic and removing the stigma from it in a subtle way was refreshing to see.
4.How the series showed that it's normal (but something that everyone needs to stop doing) to compare yourself to younger generations of women.
In an early season, the women go to the Hamptons for a party one weekend. While there, the gals are surrounded by women in their 20s, of course, causing the four of them to compare their 30-year-old selves to the youngsters they were surrounded by. In this episode, Charlotte even lies about her age to hook up with a younger guy.
One of the challenges of getting older as women is comparing ourselves to those who are younger. As a millennial, I'll scroll TikTok and find it hard not to compare myself to the Gen Z'ers posting videos showing off their trendy outfits or carefree lifestyles. I related wholeheartedly to this episode, proving that comparison really is the thief of joy.
5.How they showed that everyone, literally everyone, has body insecurities.
There's an episode where one of the major plotlines is how uncomfortable Charlotte feels ditching her towel when going into the sauna with other women. In the episode, Charlotte watches everyone around her ditch their towel until they're practically nude — which is kind of gross if you ask me — including Carrie, but Charlotte feels insecure in her body to do the same. After having this experience multiple times, she finally opens up to Carrie about how she's feeling. "Easy for you, you have a beautiful body." — I think this sentence from Charlotte to Carrie spoke volumes as it's a thought many of us women have about each other. Not feeling comfortable in our skin or confident in our bodies is a normal, relatable feeling. Charlotte is objectively gorgeous, but she still feels insecure in her body.
If you haven't seen the episode, eventually, Charlotte builds up the courage to drop her towel with an accomplished smile on her face. Talk about feeling liberated and getting out of your head about your own insecurities!
6.When they showed us why society should ditch the slut-shaming stigma that women can't have as much casual sex as men do.
We all know Samantha to be the character who owns her sexuality and isn't afraid to be who she is — in and out of the bedroom. Oftentimes in pop culture — and life — people don't think twice about men having casual sex... hello, Joey Tribbiani from Friends. However, when it comes to a woman wanting and having casual sex, she is often judged and, well, slut shamed.
I appreciate how the writers of SATC allowed Samantha's character to kill that stereotype. She was a liberated, powerful woman who wanted to have sex without any commitment or strings attached. She hooked up with both men and women and never changed who she was — even when her older neighbors started judging her for sneaking men into her apartment late at night.
7.As it showed, oftentimes, women don't get celebrated for accomplishing things aside from marriage and having babies.
A sad reality for women is that most of the accomplishments in our lives that are celebrated have to do with marriage and having babies. The 100s of congratulatory comments that appear underneath an engagement Instagram post, engagement parties, bridal showers, baby showers, and weddings are all milestones people happily celebrate women accomplishing.
However, why aren't women as celebrated when they get a promotion at work, land their dream job, buy their first home, break up with a toxic ex, or literally do anything on their own?? I've had this thought for a while, so in the episode where Carrie also has this realization and throws herself a "no-baby shower" after recounting the many gifts she's given to friends and events she's attended to celebrate friends' weddings and baby celebrations. Relatable AF!
8.How the show addressed the difficult reality of having cancer.
In the final season of the series, while at a consultation appointment for a possible breast augmentation, the surgeon feels something while examining Samantha and tells her to go get checked out. That is when Samantha receives the extremely difficult news that she has breast cancer.
The show carefully depicts the challenging journey that one in eight American women diagnosed with breast cancer go on — a journey that's still rarely shown this way on TV despite being so common. In this case, viewers watched Samantha experience the emotional rollercoaster of handling her diagnosis by wearing everything from wigs to hats after losing her hair to chemo.
In true Samantha — honest and real — fashion, in the midst of giving a speech at a cancer benefit dinner, Samantha suddenly rips off her wig due to having a hot flash, which in turn inspires other women in the audience to remove their own wigs. This was another example of how the show portrayed a heavy topic in a very real and honest way.
9.How it validated the difficult decisions women are faced with when having to choose between motherhood and a career.
While married to Trey and trying for a baby, in the series, viewers watched Charlotte face the common but difficult decision of whether she wanted to be a working mother or not. Financially, she didn't have to work, but having a career at an art gallery fueled Charlotte. When she decided that she wanted to quit working to focus on being a full-time mother, she was faced with various reactions from her friends.
Another key element was when Charlotte told the gallery show she was quitting. She lied and said she was focusing on humanitarian work instead of admitting she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, probably to avoid the scrutiny she might get from others.
Although I am nowhere near being a wife or mother, I often think about how, if and when the time comes, I will, too, be faced with making such a difficult decision. Oftentimes, especially if we're following typical gender roles, women are the ones who are expected to give up their careers to raise their children, while the men don't often have to give up much, and they continue to work to financially support the family.
Obviously, this isn't the case for everyone, and nowadays, there are plenty of working moms and stay-at-home dads. Still, Charlotte's dilemma remains relatable.
10.When they addressed why it's important to be a financially independent woman.
When Carrie learned the news that her building was being converted to condos and she had to either buy her (rent-controlled) apartment to continue living there or go elsewhere, she barely had any money to her name. When Big gives her a check to use to buy her apartment, Carrie's friends discourage her from taking his money because accepting money from a man puts him in control.
Maybe because I'm a hyper-independent girlie, but I loved how the women had this reaction and made it a point to encourage Carrie to be financially independent. Like the good friends they are, everyone (but Charlotte, which didn't sit well with Carrie) offered to lend her the money instead of taking it from Big. As a single woman, I think it's so important (and empowering) to take care of my finances and the freedom that this allows me to have. Don't get me wrong — it's expensive, especially in this economy, when the rent and all of the bills fall on me, but I wouldn't want it any other way right now.
11.Lastly, how the entire series stressed the importance of female friendships.
Lastly, female friendship is one of the most powerful themes seen throughout the series. There are so many examples and lines throughout the series that feel like a warm hug from a close female friend, but one in particular that stood out to me was in the episode where it was Carrie's 35th birthday.
After sitting at an empty restaurant table for several hours because none of her friends showed up for various reasons, she later told Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda how she was feeling down about being alone at 35 and not having a man to celebrate with. In a very wholesome and sweet attempt at making her friend feel better, Charlotte said to Carrie, "Maybe we could be each other's soulmates, and guys could just be people we have fun with."
Although it can be tricky to find, I think if you're lucky enough to find even just one woman in your life who uplifts you, empowers you, and always has your back, cherish that relationship forever. Life is complicated as it is for women, and ideally, we should come together to support one another, not compete or bring each other down. I'd like to thank Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte for instilling that in us.
What are your thoughts on the series? Did any other moments in the show speak to you? Let's discuss it all in the comments below!
