Fiancé blasted as 'toxic' after refusing this demand

Penny Burfitt
·Lifestyle & Entertainment Producer
·4-min read

A man is copping the full wrath of the internet today, after his attempt to garner sympathy online backfired spectacularly.

Keeping himself anonymous, the man in question shared his decision to refuse to – ahem – bow to his wife to be’s request to greet her grandparents with a traditional gesture on Reddit.

Enagement couple korean bow refusal
An engagement may well be called off after the future groom refused his bride's cultural demand.

“My fiancee is Korean-American, and I'm American,” the man explained on Reddit’s ‘Am I the A**hole?’ forum.

“We've met each other parents before, and she's met my grandparents, but I've yet to meet her grandparents because they live in Korea.”

He goes on to explain they are planning to visit the grandparents as soon as the global pandemic will allow, but that a cultural norm she has asked him to observe while over there could unravel the entire relationship.

“She's asking me to bow to her grandparents when we meet, since respecting the elders is a big deal in Korean culture,” he explains. “Not just like a causal dip, like a full-on 90-degree bow.”

Mature Japanese businessman bowing to show respect. Tokyo, Japan. January 2018
In many cultures, a deep bow is used for greetings, or as a sign of respect to elders. Photo: Getty Images

“I said I'd rather not since I found it emasculating and that I just don't bow to anyone.”

The fiancée argued that it was an important part of her culture, but the man dug his heels in.

“I just think it's hypocritical to expect me to bow to her grandparents when she didn't bow to mine,” he said. “Her grandparents aren't my superior just because of their age, why should I have to bow?”

“She said it was just one tiny thing I could do to earn their respect, but I said that if it was so tiny, it should be fine if I don't do it.”

“I respect myself and that's why I'm not going to bow, and she was just going to have to respect my decision,” he continued. “She thinks I'm an a**hole for that, [am I]?”

The response was more or less unanimous – yes.

Reddit users blast ‘toxic’ decision

Bride and Groom cultural bow fight Korean culture American
Some even suggested the wedding should be canned over the disagreement. Photo: Getty Images

“You're emasculating yourself by being hung up on what's ‘manly’,” one astute observer pointed out. “It's FAR more gentlemanly to show cultural respect.”

“My eyebrows are in my HAIRLINE,” an alarmed reader wrote. “Someone drank the toxic-masculinity-koolaid.”

Others pointed out a sense of cultural superiority, or even downright racism seemed to be at play.

“She didn't bow to your grandparents because in American culture that's not a thing,” on reader wrote. “Your whole attitude shines of some sort of tunnel-visioned xenophobic refusal to accept that customs other than your own exist at all. You're not defending your dignity, you're broadcasting your ignorance.”

“Honestly, if you’re marrying someone of a different culture, you should’ve seen these sort of things coming and respect them,” one said.

“Yea, I read that and saw a red flag on covert racism immediately,” another wrote. “[The original poster] also hasn't taken the time to understand his fiancée's culture and heritage and quickly steamrolls her request.”

Needless to say the man was labelled an ‘a**hole’ on the thread.

It’s not the first time very problematic behaviour ahead of a wedding made waves online.

Earlier this week a groom was left in a major rift with his family after his sister made a nasty comment to his future wife about her wedding dress.

The man explained that his 27-year-old fiancée has a permanent burn scar from her collarbone down to her chest after a car accident when she was younger, in which she lost her mother.

It seems the groom’s sister decided to inform the bride to cover up the scar for her big day, and flew into a rage when the bride opted for an elegant strappy gown that proudly showed it off.

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