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Family slammed over insensitive demand of grieving couple
A couple has been left "devastated" after they were asked to host a baby shower just two weeks after the stillbirth of their first child.
Sharing their story, a man took to Reddit's Am I The A**hole subreddit to question if he and his wife were in the wrong for being upset after being asked by his brother and sister-in-law to host their baby shower.
"My wife and I were expecting our first baby boy together we've been married for three years and my wife had one miscarriage before and we were really optimistic about this pregnancy," he said. "But the unexpected happened and my wife had a stillbirth two weeks ago. It all happened so fast. We thought we planned for everything but all that was unexpected.
"We were devastated to say the least. We haven't gone out nor talked to anyone during these times. My mom and family visit to check on us. They bring meals, books and they ask how were doing everyday," he wrote.
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"Yesterday my brother and his wife were visiting as well. His wife's pregnant with their second and the moment they sat down. She started talking about her baby shower. My wife and I were getting uncomfortable. As she went on about what they're going to do. My mom was sitting there when my brother's wife looked at me and my wife and asked my wife if she's willing to host her baby shower party.
"We were stunned. My wife almost cried while my brother just sat there arms folded and smiled at us. His wife said no one is available so she asked my wife to do it and that I'll be nice for her to 'change the mood'."
It was then that the Reddit user said he told his sister-in-law to stop "acting selfish and inconsiderate" given everything he and his wife have recently been through.
"She played dumb as I reminded her that we just lost our son and asked how could she possibly think it's okay to even ask something like that. My brother told me to calm down but I lost my temper," he wrote.
"My wife went inside the room and I kept telling them what an insensitive request my sister in law just made. Shockingly no one thought it was a big deal. We got into an argument and my brother blew up when his wife stared crying. I told them to leave and my mom didn't like that I was yelling at them and lashing out."
He wrote that his mum berated him for half an hour and told him to apologise to the couple and remember they had been checking up on them and sending meals.
Reddit users were quick to take the writer's side with one writing, "[Not the a**hole]. First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you guys are getting okay.
"Secondly, literally reading that filled me with anger on your behalf. How. Insensitive. And. Selfish. Can. You. Be?
"Also, seriously? Planning a baby shower will change your wife's mood?? She's not upset because she banged her toe, she LOST A BABY. Your wife was almost crying and they still didn't stop?? You were well justified."
Another user agreed, adding, "Add to that it’s their SECOND baby. Aren’t showers generally for obtaining baby stuff you don’t already have?!"
Someone else added, "This enraged me. ENRAGED. I had a miscarriage, not even a stillbirth and it destroyed me for months. Losing a pregnancy, a child, is a process of grief. You can’t just throw food and check-ins at a grieving person and then be mad they don’t 'cheer up' enough to be expected to not only ATTEND an event that would be traumatizing and distressing but HOST IT?!?!?!?!
"I want to cry for you and your wife. I’m so sorry. And you are a fantastic partner for standing up for your situation the way you did. I know it’s hard to understand the loss if you haven’t experienced it, but holy s**t is your family tone-deaf. Family doesn’t just get a pass to be horrible because they are close to you...."
Another user wrote, "I had a stillbirth. I was barely holding myself together. If someone asked me to do that, that may have broken me. Good on you for standing up for yourself and your wife. Stillbirths and miss carries are tough on all parties, and people tend to forget the other partner."
For support on miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death you can visit Sands.
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