Drew Afualo Tearfully Announces She's Taking a Break from TikTok: 'Unbearable to Exist on This App'

• TikTok star Drew Afualo — who has amassed more than 8 million followers with her biting clapbacks — announced she's taking a break from the platform in an emotional Dec. 9 post

• The author and podcaster, 29, said it's not because of "vitriol," but because "I feel like I will never be enough" and it's affecting her mental and physical health

• Afualo promised to return and hopes time away will help her realize the good she does on the platform

Wildly popular TikTok star Drew Afualo announced that she’s taking a break from the platform in an emotional Dec. 9 post where she shared she’s been “violently ill” as she struggles with her mental health.

“I've decided to take a break from TikTok, specifically,” Afualo, 29, began her post, which has been viewed 3 million times. “I don't want it to be any more dramatic than that. I'm not disappearing forever. I'm not deleting my account. I just need a break and because I love all of you so much, I want to explain to you why that is.”

Afualo — who parlayed her clever viral clapbacks to misogynist creators into a media empire with a hit podcast, The Comment Section, and best-selling book, LOUD: Accept Nothing Less Than the Life You Deserve, said that “my build on TikTok has been very difficult and at times, very violent, for my very particular niche.”

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But Afualo, who has 8.2 million followers on TikTok and was named one of PEOPLE's Top 10 Creators of the Year, was quick to point out that her break wasn’t “because of vitriol and I want to make that very clear. This isn't because of hate I receive from bigots or misogynists or the many, many people that don't like me on the app because of what it is I do, which is obviously trying to fight for other marginalized groups.”

She shared that she originally started posting on TikTok after getting fired — something she said “really derailed me because it felt like it proved to me that I was not enough.” But through work in therapy, she realized she needed her validation to come not from her accomplishments, but from herself. And in the last year, she said she’s lost sight of that.

“My validation now is no longer coming from me. It feels like I am consistently pursuing it from people who love me or care about me or are in the groups that I feel so driven to protect. And that again is an unhealthy and unsustainable way to view myself. Because now I feel as if I am constantly trying to fit into everybody's idea of perfection.”

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“People on this app see me in many different roles,” she continued. “The perfect content creator, the perfect influencer, the perfect ally, the perfect activist, the perfect feminist. The list goes on and on and that feeling is suffocating.”

“I consistently do not feel like enough for the groups that I feel so driven to protect and it has become truly unbearable to exist on this app, with that knowledge because I care so deeply about so many different people on this app …  it has gotten to a point now where I feel like I will never be enough. And it is starting to affect my mental health so severe that I am violently ill. I am physically very unwell.”

She shared that last year, “I almost had to be hospitalized,” but “I just couldn't [take a break] because I never want anyone to feel like I abandoned them.”

But now, Afualo says, “I need to protect myself too because I matter, too.” She compared her position on TikTok to “a burning building.”

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“I found the exit. I've opened the door and I'll hold it open,” she explained. “It is my honor and privilege to hold that door. But at the same time, I'm also getting burned from both sides and something has got to give eventually. So this is me doing that. I hope you all can understand and respect it. I am forever grateful for this platform and the community that we've built together and I promise I will be back.”

She said she hopes time away from the app will help her realize that she's a good person, as "there are content creators that do not deserve the influence and reach that they have ... They are bad people who don't care about others."

"I know that I'm not one of those people," she said. "And I think time away from this app will give me the opportunity to remind myself of that and remind myself that I am a good person and I know I'm a good person so I can fully show up for all of you."

She ended her video with a plea to her fans: “Please take care of each other, okay? Love you.”

If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

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