Yahoo Lifestyle 
Dave Grohl's secret love child reveals wider issue for men like him: 'Ego boost'
Foo Fighters star Dave Grohl shocked fans this week when he announced he's become a father again to a newborn daughter born outside of his 21-year marriage.
Unless you've been living under a rock or you're one of those calm, collected people who mind your own business, you're probably across this week's scandalous news that Foo Fighters singer Dave Grohl confessed to cheating on his wife of 21 years, Jordyn Blum, and recently fathered a child outside of his marriage.
Announcing the bombshell to his 1.4 million followers on Instagram, Dave said he was doing everything in his power to earn back the trust of his wife and their three children, but also that he planned to be involved in his newborn daughter's life.
"I've recently become the father of a new baby daughter, born outside of my marriage. I plan to be a loving and supportive parent to her," the rockstar wrote. "I love my wife and my children, and I am doing everything I can to regain their trust and earn their forgiveness. We're grateful for your consideration toward all the children involved, as we move forward together."
Dave and Jordyn share three daughters together: Violet, 18, Harper, 15, and Ophelia, 10. So far Jordyn hasn't released a statement of her own.
While the news was shocking to many fans, others weren't too surprised at the "rockstar fathers a lovechild" storyline that has now played out. "Kind of paints his 'I’m a dedicated family man' schtick from his book a bit differently now," one person remarked on Reddit. "There goes my hero," another person quipped.
"Gotta love cheaters who claim they 'love' their wife/husband, especially those who have been caught cheating in several relationships like Dave. The fact that he had a kid outside his marriage at the age of 55 is crazy," another person commented.
So why did Dave Grohl cheat?
Dave's dastardly ways shine a light on a fairly common issue in monogamous relationships: infidelity. Regardless of gender or sexuality, most people in life have probably experienced cheating, either in their own relationships or seeing a loved one go through it.
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According to Sexual Health Australia, a survey they did in 2023 found that 60% of men, and 45% of women have cheated in their marriages. And don't worry, we're not about to go 'Yep, sounds like all men' on you. Popular researcher and psychotherapist Esther Perel disclosed in her book State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity that the number of women who have committed adultery has increased by 40% since 1990.
Relationship and intimacy coach Susie Kim told Yahoo Lifestyle that people cheat for a variety of reasons. "It can be from a need for validation, variety, or simply part of a person's values. Sometimes, people are drawn to cheat because it provides an outlet for them, where they get to be seen in a particular way, or they get to express themselves in a particular way that isn't available in their committed relationship," she said.
Ashley Madison's Chief Strategy Officer, Paul Keable told Yahoo Lifestyle that cheating often doesn't occur because of an issue with the person's 'primary' partner.
"Most of the time, having outside relationships is an inward journey and doesn't have anything to do with the primary partner. Many of our members have realised that having these outside relationships allows them to express different parts of themselves with different people," he revealed. "And oftentimes, they had no idea those 'parts' existed."
Why do so many couples stay together after a cheating scandal?
It could be fair to assume Dave, a touring musician who has admitted to cheating on previous partners, probably knew those 'parts' of himself existed. But can a family repair from such a public infidelity?
"The short answer is yes," Paul said. "Many married couples who face infidelity do recover and make the choice to stay together. Often an affair comes at a particular time - for example when someone needs an ego boost, or sometimes an affair is the result of an opportunity that comes at a time of instability in a marriage, or a moment of resentment. "
Susie said the problem with affairs in long marriages is that it often illuminates relational patterns that haven't been addressed and it also requires rebuilding of "the entire relationship".
"Reestablishing trust after an affair or a cheating scandal is a multi-stage process that really needs professional support," she told Yahoo Lifestyle. "The cheating person needs to be able to take full responsibility for their actions (in a way that their partner can be satisfied that they are not defending or excusing their own behaviour) and be available for the huge and ongoing sense of betrayal, grief, anger and sadness that their partner and children will be feeling.
"The thing about an affair in a long marriage is that it illuminates relational patterns or issues that haven't been addressed. Everything comes up to the surface when a large relational trauma like an affair is revealed. So the process of repair and rebuilding trust often starts with the immediate fallout of the affair but ultimately includes a whole knockdown and rebuild of the entire relationship."
The rise of non-monogamy
If you're in the dating scene or have been in recent years, the rise of ethical non-monogamy is probably not a new phrase to you. If you've been married for 84 years and have no idea what I'm talking about, the term is basically a fancy new way of saying monogamy is so yesterday.
Ethical non-monogamy (or ENM) is often used as an umbrella term for relationships in which all partners give consent to engage in other romantic, sexual, or intimate relationships with people outside of their primary partnership.
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Susie has noticed the rise of the trend in her own practice, saying that couples are starting to open themselves up to exploring non-monogamous practices.
"There are increasing numbers of people and couples exploring open relationships or ethical non-monogamy dynamics, especially amongst millennials and Gen Xers," Susie told us.
"I think couples often get to a stage where they have been together for a while, are fairly settled, and one or both people realise that they want to connect with people outside of their relationship. With increasing literature and media attention on non-monogamy as an option, more couples are turning to explore this."
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