Couple Decides to Skip Regular Thanksgiving Plans After Their Guest Isn't Invited, Leading to a 'Huge Argument'

A Reddit user is seeking advice after she and her boyfriend backed out of a Thanksgiving lunch because their out of town guest wasn't invited

A couple has elected not to attend their regular Thanksgiving lunch after their guest for the holidays wasn’t invited to the meal.

As detailed in a post on Reddit, a woman and her boyfriend invited one of the boyfriend’s cousins to spend Thanksgiving with them. Typically, the couple have a Thanksgiving lunch at the boyfriend’s dad’s house, and they hoped their guest would be able to join.

“My boyfriend’s parents have been divorced for over 20 years. His cousin—let’s call her Jane—from his mom’s side of the family is driving seven hours with her two dogs to spend Thanksgiving with us,” the poster explains. “My boyfriend and I are very close with Jane, and play games online several times a week.”

Related: Woman Disinvites Mother to Thanksgiving Days Before Holiday Over 'Offensive' Comment

Because of the potential family tension that could ensue from inviting someone from the mom’s side of the family to Thanksgiving, the poster attempted to resolve the issue months in advance.

“Knowing this might become an issue as Thanksgiving approached, I texted my boyfriend’s dad back in July to ask if it would be okay for Jane to join his family’s Thanksgiving lunch. His response was, ‘Why isn’t [boyfriend] asking this?’ and that was the end of the conversation,” she explains.

Between July and October, the Reddit user says they mentioned multiple times that Jane would be visiting for the holiday, though it wasn’t until the dad confirmed Thanksgiving plans that the boyfriend officially asked if Jane could join for the meal.

“His dad implied that it would be inappropriate for someone from his ex-in-laws’ family to attend,” the poster explains. “For context, he has only met Jane once at a wedding 10 years ago, and the divorce happened before Jane was even born.”

Though the father suggested the couple come to the lunch for “just an hour,” the woman writes that the time it would take to make the drive on top of the prep time needed for their own Thanksgiving meal at home will make it nearly impossible to compromise.

“We kindly explained that if Jane couldn’t join, we wouldn’t be able to make it to lunch,” the poster continues. “This sparked a huge argument.”

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

Though the couple is dealing with the family conflict following this, it seems Reddit is decidedly on the same side as the poster and her boyfriend.

“You're allowed to have your own personal plans for Thanksgiving,” one commenter points out. “The attitude for those sorts of large celebratory events is, usually, the more the merrier; and with more mouths to feed, the less leftovers there are.”

Related: Woman Refuses to Host Thanksgiving After Sister Hands Out ‘Family Code of Conduct’ Contract

Others point out that the poster's boyfriend probably should’ve addressed the issue sooner with his father, despite the woman attempting to do so herself in July.

“I recognise you did ask the question months ago OP and the dad was irritatingly obtuse and refused to answer, but why did your boyfriend take so long to properly ask instead of just dropping hints?” one commenter questions.

“I like to plan. My boyfriend and his Dad? Not so much,” the woman replies to the comment. “I stayed out of it mostly after my initial text message in July since the response was clear that it wasn’t my business, but once it was clear Jane wasn’t welcome I made it my business since she’s our guest and my friend.”