Common Parenting Concerns

From the moment you know you’re pregnant, it can begin: a cascade of anxieties touching on everything from health to finances. And as your child grows, so do your worries. Can she subsist on cereal? Why doesn’t she have all her teeth? Why is she struggling to read? Let’s put some panicky thoughts to rest.

“I’m afraid my baby will stop breathing while she’s asleep”
Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), which is currently linked to around 60 deaths a year in Australia, is often a big worry for new parents. But you can cut your baby’s risk by following simple guidelines, such as putting her to sleep on her back and getting rid of blankets, pillows, bumpers, and sleep positioners in her cot. (Check out http://www.sidsandkids.org/www.sidsandkids.org for the full run-down.)

“Although the risk of SIDS ends when your child turns one, you can rest a little easier once she hits the six-month mark,” says paediatrician and SIDS researcher Dr Rachel Moon. Still hovering over your child’s cot, searching for a steady breathing pattern long after her first birthday? Chalk it up to a basic protective parent reflex, and know that you’re not alone.

Co-sleeping has been linked to a heightened risk of accidental suffocation and strangulation, but if you do want to sleep with bub, take the necessary steps to make it’s as safe as possible. Make sure there’s no way that your baby can roll off the bed to the floor and that there are no gaps between the mattress and the wall or bedhead that can trap her. Ensure that the bedclothes won’t allow her to get tangled up and if you’ve been drinking or taken something to help you sleep, then it’s strongly recommended that bub spends the night in her cot.

“I’m worried my baby will develop autism”
It’s true that the incidence of autism spectrum disorders has risen to about one in 160 children in Australia, and that boys are up to four times more likely to be diagnosed than girls. But some experts suggest that the apparent rise in numbers is mainly due to heightened awareness of the syndrome among doctors and a broadening of diagnosing criteria.

Still, experts agree the risk is somewhat greater if you or your spouse has a family history of autism or if your baby was born premature. If your child’s social development is limited (if she doesn’t smile, babble, coo, point or wave in her first year and doesn’t use eye contact to communicate), if she makes unusual and repetitive body movements, and if her language development is delayed (no words by 16 months, no
two-word phrases by 24 months) or takes a backwards step, see a paediatrician. Early intervention, before age three, can make a huge difference for a child with autism. Still, it’s critical to seek help as soon as a child is diagnosed, regardless of her age.

One thing you don’t have to worry about when it comes to autism is vaccinations. Multiple studies have shown that there is no link between vaccines and autism and the one early study that did suggest a link has been thoroughly discredited. If you’re in any doubt, talk to your GP.

“I am scared my child may be molested by a stranger”
The media tend to play up cases of childhood sexual abuse by unknown assailants, but they’re rare. Most cases of abuse involve someone the child knows and trusts.

It’s important to explain to your child that her body belongs to her and that no-one has the right to touch her in a way that makes her feel bad, uncomfortable or funny. Teach her that it’s okay to say no if an adult touches her in a way she doesn’t like, and to always tell you if something has worried her. Explain she should never go anywhere with someone she doesn’t know (even if that person claims you said it was okay) and try to minimise situations where she’ll be alone with an adult in a non-public place.

“I’m freaked out by all the chemicals my child might be exposed to in her toys, bottles and foods”
No matter what lengths you go to, you can’t shelter your child completely from environmental toxins. But you can take steps to minimise her exposure.

Choose safer plastics to reduce exposure to suspected hormone-disruptors bisphenol A (BPA) and phthalates. Avoid plastics with the numbers 3, 6 or 7 on the bottom and pick glass or stainless-steel containers instead, use bottles labelled ‘BPA free’, and you may want to avoid toys that contain polyvinyl chloride (PVC).

Opt for organic produce if you can afford it. Conventionally grown apples, pears, grapes, blueberries, cherries, nectarines, peaches, strawberries, potatoes, celery and spinach are among the foods that often contain the highest levels of pesticide residue.

Protect from poisons. To prevent a bug or vermin infestation, focus on eliminating food sources (be sure to sweep up crumbs and store pantry items in sealed containers) and plugging holes with steel wool to stop the little critters getting in.

If you do need to kill off pests, go with natural options such as diatomaceous earth for bugs and plain old wooden traps for removing harmful chemicals from households, but a 2010 US study linked organophosphate pesticides to ADHD in children, particularly when a pregnant woman was exposed to the chemicals.

“I’m worried my child will grow up to be overweight”
More than a quarter of all Aussie children are considered overweight or obese and, though there has recently been reported a small but steady decline is the number of overweight preschoolers, it’s important you take action to help your child form healthy habits from an early age.

Start by serving a healthy breakfast. Research shows that kids who begin the day with something nutritious in their bellies have lower body mass indexes than those who don’t.

Limit sugary beverages (including juice), replace sweets with healthy snacks and encourage the eating of proper portion sizes. And while they don’t need a scheduled exercise regime, each day toddlers and preschoolers should be physically active for three hours, spread across the day.

“Our local schools aren’t good and private schools are too pricey”
Don’t rush to judgment about your local state schools! Choosing the right school for your child will involve a lot of research – talking to other parents and examining how the school fares academically compared to its neighbours. Parents can get a reasonable understanding of their local government and non-government schools through the My School website.

Private schooling can be prohibitively expensive, but there are alternatives to paying up to $20,000 a year or beyond for your child’s education. Most private schools offer a range of scholarships, awarded for academic merit, hardship or even sporting prowess.

Otherwise, the number-one way to make a poor-performing school better is to become an involved parent. Join the parents’ association and attend as many school-board meetings as you can to get a sense of what needs improvement. Then lobby for change. You can also supplement your child’s education beyond the classroom. Instill a love of books by reading to her every day, take advantage of museums and science centres in your area, and treat every day as an opportunity to teach your child something new.

“I’m afraid my toddler likes her nanny better than me”
It’s normal for any guilt you feel about leaving your child every morning to turn into jealousy towards her carer, but this isn’t going to happen! “Even if you only spend an hour with her every day, she’ll love you like no-one else,” says Betsy Brown Braun, child development and behaviour specialist. Make the most of your time together by putting away your mobile phone and giving your child your undivided attention.

“I’m terrified that my child will fall off playground equipment and hurt herself”
Playground injuries are fairly common with young kids, and falls are the most common type of injury for kids up to four years of age, accounting for about 8000 hospital visits in Australia each year.

But it’s a tiny fraction of falls that result in a serious injury, with the most commonly reported injuries being bruising and soft tissue damage. And in most cases, these injuries are preventable.

To help keep her safe, when your child is playing on a playground you should always follow the posted age and height recommendations and supervise as she plays. Avoid playgrounds with equipment that is higher than 1.8m off the ground and ensure that the playground is well maintained, with adequate cushioning material to ensure that if your child does have a fall, she won’t be landing on bare concrete!

“I’m concerned my shy preschooler won’t make friends”
It’s too early to tell whether your child’s bashfulness is a phase or a permanent personality quirk but, either way, you can help her cope. “Like the ABCs and addition, friendship is teachable,” says US parenting expert Michele Borba.

Point out the importance of making eye contact. Coach her to say something nice to a child she meets (“I like your shirt”). Arrange lots of playdates, and don’t set the buddy bar too high – having one or two good friends is lovely.

“I yell at my child and am worried she’ll grow up to hate me”
Chances are that won’t happen, but there is an increased risk that she’ll turn into a yeller, since home is where kids learn how to deal (or not) with anger-management issues.

"When you feel your blood start to boil, moderate your tone in front of your child," says psychotherapist Beverly Engel. If necessary, go to another room and cool down. When you return, calmly explain to your child why it is you’re annoyed (“I asked you three times to put your toys away and you didn’t cooperate”) and name the emotion (“That made me angry”). Even if you’ve blown up for as long as you can recall, your behaviour and your relationship can be repaired.