A bride has taken to Reddit to find out if she is in the wrong after trying to stop her fiancé from having his best friend as his best man.
Taking to Reddit's Am I The A**hole subreddit, the bride explained how she and her fiancé got engaged over Christmas after being together for three years and are planning their wedding for later this year.
She writes that there is "one weird thing about our relationship" and that is the fact her fiancé's best friend is also her ex-boyfriend, who she was with for four years before she began seeing her current partner.
"We broke up because my ex got a new job offer across the country and I was not in a place in my life where moving like that was a possibility," she wrote. "So he left, I stayed, and we broke up. I was heartbroken and bitter that he would leave me like that and I pretty much blocked him, but I eventually got over it."
She and her fiancé began hanging out after the split and eventually started dating and when they made their relationship official, her partner called her ex and let him know what was going on between them.
"My ex thought it was a little weird that the two of us were together and that it would take him some time to get used to, but told my fiance that as long a we were both happy, what he thinks about our relationship doesn't matter and he's happy for us," she explained.
However, now that the couple is planning their wedding, the groom wants the bride's ex to be his best man as they've been best friends for years. This did not sit well with her.
"My fiancé doesn't have any brothers and my ex is by far his closest and best friend. But I pretty much told him that he can't be the best man. I told him it would be too weird that the two men who I have had my most meaningful relationships would be standing up at the altar with me on my wedding day. I told him all my friends and family know about my ex and our relationship and it would just be too weird for him to be such a big part of our wedding," she said.
"My fiancé is very upset about this and isn't willing to compromise on it. He says my ex has always been supportive of him and our relationship and he can't imagine anyone else standing by his side on his wedding day."
However, the fiancé did offer a compromise to the situation, suggesting that maybe they shouldn't have a wedding party at all. But the bride is insistent she has her two sisters by her side when they tie the knot.
"We've kind of put that argument aside for now, but whenever we try to plan something else about the wedding, my fiancé brings it up and we end up fighting about it. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and controlling and that he would never tell me what to do in a situation like this. He says he isn't forcing me to pick his sisters as bridesmaids and that I'm being an asshole for not allowing him to pick the people he wants to be by his side," she said.
"I just don't know what to do. I can't imagine how awkward my wedding would be if I'm trying to look at my future husband and all I see standing behind him is the man who ditched me for a job. I tried explaining this to my fiancé but he refuses to change his mind other than to have no wedding party at all and to me that is not an option. AITA [Am I The A**hole] here?"
It didn't take long for the people of Reddit to decide the writer was, in fact, in the wrong.
"YTA [You're the A**hole] and I'm afraid for you that you don't know it," one commenter wrote. "You would be an a**hole in any event, but especially since your fiancé's relationship with your ex pre-dated your relationship with the latter. Get over yourself. Your ex is clearly over you."
"YTA because this is an occupational hazard of knowingly dating your ex’s best friend," another said. "If you didn’t want situations like this to arise, you shouldn’t have dated him."
One user wrote a lengthy comment on the matter, saying, "After reading through OP's comments, it is very clear that:
"1. She only sees fiancé's best friend as her 'ex' and not a complete person who had a relationship with fiancé before, during, and after their break up.
"2. She is not over her ex whether it is because of unresolved anger, bitterness, or simply still having romantic feelings for him.
"3. She believes that the wedding is ONLY about her and it doesn't matter what her fiancé wants.
"4. She most likely got together with her fiancé to spite her ex and expected that friendship to disintegrate and [is now shocked] that they stayed friends."
They continued, "OP, if on your wedding day you truly believe you will see your soon to be husband next to 'the man who ditched me for a job.' You are clearly not ready to be married. First off, if you truly love your fiancé and want to spend your life with him, he is the only person you are going to see. Secondly, if you do actually spare a glance for his best man, the only thing that should occur to you is whether or not he remembered the rings.
"Or, as another commenter put it, you wouldn't be getting married if fiancé's best friend hadn't introduced the two of you in the first place. He may be your ex, but he is also the person that brought you and your fiancé together."
Many others agreed that the writer doesn't seem to be completely over her ex despite saying she is.
"YTA. It seems weird that all you're going to see is the guy who ditched you, and not the guy who led you to the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with," one person wrote. "It seems you aren't over your ex. And your ex and your fiancé were friends before you...you had to have known they were going to be important to each other?"
"YTA. You say you have gotten over it, but it's very apparent that you have not. If you had really gotten over it, there would be no problem. Your fiancé deserves to have his best friend stand up with him at his wedding," another added.
Some also suggested that the writer was being "ridiculous" and pointed out that she broke the "bro-code" and the "ex-code" so she should feel lucky her partner even wants to get married.
However, there were some people who were on the bride's side, with one user writing, "Dissenting opinion. NTA. This is a sticky situation. It's as much OPs wedding as the bf. The ex being supportive of their relationship is very different than standing at the altar.
"It's not unreasonable for OP to understand and maturely accept that the ex will be a part of her married life in the future without wanting him at the altar for her special, tender moment. Your feelings are legit, OP, don't let the black and white thinkers shut you down."
Another suggested the couple elope instead of having an ex at the wedding.
Someone else wrote, "Any ex at a wedding is weird. It doesn't matter how great of friends you are, I wouldn't want my SO's previous sex partner there let alone standing next to my soon to be spouse. I get that they are best friends, but I say it is weird.
"I can understand how others think that it should be fine because they were friends first, but would he be fine with your maid of honor being a previous long term relationship with him? I doubt it.
"You can be over a person and still not okay with them being there on that special day. You can be over a person and still not be okay with the reasons your relationship ended. So yeah, NTA."
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