'Big concern' pregnant people have when telling their boss: 'Fear creeping in'

You’re told to avoid stress during pregnancy which would be fine if there weren’t so many hurdles to clamber over in the run-up to having a baby. One of the biggies is often “that” conversation with your boss.

When should you tell them you’re expecting? Will it change things at work? And how should you deal with any potential fallout?

Sarah McCann-Bartlett, CEO of the Australian HR Institute, tells Yahoo Lifestyle it’s a “very personal decision” and assures that, whenever you choose to do it, the law protects you from being discriminated against because you’re pregnant.

But that still doesn’t mean all expectant parents feel comfortable telling their employers the good news.

Picking the right time

I certainly wasn’t jumping for joy about it.

Pregnant with number one, I worried about what impact it would have on my job in the months before I was due - and I was working as a deputy editor in a female-dominated office at the time.

You’d think, in this type of work environment, the “chat” shouldn’t have provoked too much dread but I still had nagging concerns.

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Would I start being overlooked? Were my team going to assume my focus had shifted away from work?

These are very normal reactions according to Doctor Christina Farrell, Psychologist at Balanced Living Psychology and mum of three.

“The early days are challenging because the key things that keep us stable – appetite, sleep and physical activity are changing which makes us more vulnerable to stress and overwhelm,” she says.

“This can feed fear and, in particular, the question of ‘when do I tell work?’ comes up as a big concern.”

It can trigger the isolation and exclusion emotions she says and fear around missing out on things like promotions, new clients and overseas trips is common.

The key, Christina advises is having consistency and stability in other parts of your life.

“If work is the centre of your world and you’re about to leave then you’re more susceptible to fear creeping in and catastrophising,” Christina said.

“You need a supportive partner and family; to be eating and sleeping well and to have something other than work in your life. If those areas are still quite balanced it will help manage the emotional wave.”

Is earlier better?

Despite all my worries, my hand was forced by the fact I was so unwell.

After my 12-week scan, it was a relief to limp into my boss's office and explain why I was a new shade of green. The resulting conversation helped alleviate stress as we discussed my maternity leave replacement and flexibility around medical appointments.

Sarah says telling your employer earlier is better for exactly these reasons.

“It provides a better experience for you. You may want flexible working, reduced hours, changed duties and this can only happen when you have told your employer,” she says.

While my decision to tell my boss at the three-month mark is common, it’s not the legal requirement.

How many weeks notice do you have to give?

“An employee has to give their employer at least 10 weeks’ notice before starting unpaid parental leave,” a spokesperson for the Fair Work Ombudsman told Yahoo Lifestyle.

“If an employee can’t give 10 weeks’ notice, they need to provide notice as soon as possible.”

There are lots of reasons you might want to wait.

Christina, who was working in a corporate project management role when she got pregnant with her first, didn’t tell her employer until six months.

“I’d only been in the job two months when I found out I was pregnant,” she says.

“I felt guilty they’d taken me on and invested time and energy into me but I had to anchor back to what was best for me and my family and that perspective stopped the fear creeping in. And I balanced it with feelings of joy and excitement.”

So, you get through it all once but what happens next time around?

Number two was easy for me as I’d started working freelance. I chose not to tell anyone until a few weeks before going on leave in case the work dried up.

It wasn’t so straightforward for Christina, especially because she had a body quicker to show a baby was on the way.

But, having done maternity leave once and successfully returned to work she knew it could happen again.

“The important thing when you’re on maternity leave is to stay connected which shows you’re still interested. I checked in with a mentor and came in regularly so people saw me,” she says.

Know your rights

While the law usually works, discrimination because of pregnancy still happens.

High-profile cases like that of Weekend Sunrise presenter, Talitha Cummins, who alleged she was unfairly sacked on maternity leave, have hit the news in recent years.

And between 2019 and 2020 a Monash University survey found one in seven calls from Victorians to employment rights service JobWatch were about pregnancy and breastfeeding discrimination complaints.

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So, if it happens, you need to know where to go.

“Employees have a range of avenues to get assistance,” says the Fair Work spokesperson.

“Any workers with concerns can contact the Fair Work Ombudsman directly by sending through an online enquiry.

"You can also make a complaint to the relevant state or territory anti-discrimination body or to the Australian Human Rights Commission which is responsible for Commonwealth anti-discrimination and human rights laws.”

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