6 Polite Phrases To Tell Someone You're Not Interested, According to a Psychologist

When someone is interested in you—and the feeling isn't mutual—things can get really awkward, real fast. You aim for kindness and authenticity, but it can be tricky to know exactly how to tell someone you're not interested.

Faking interest isn't good for anyone. You may be able to fool someone by pretending to return interest for a while, but you can't trick yourself—and shouldn't have to. Knowing how to live in the "both/and" while figuring out how to reject someone nicely is important.

"It's an important skill that helps us nurture healthier relationships and build stronger emotional connections," says Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Duality Psychological Services. "When we are honest and kind, we create space for understanding and respect...We feel empowered to be authentic, and others feel valued—even in moments of disconnection."

Dr. Frank says approaching the moment with empathy can also lower tension and highlight intentionality in how you communicate. These traits are both signs of high emotional IQ.

Still, he concedes that knowing how to politely reject someone is daunting. Dr. Frank shared six phrases to help start the conversation. None are casually cruel in the name of being honest.

Related: 7 Signs Someone Might Think You're 'Hard To Read,' According to a Neuropsychologist

How To Tell Someone You're Not Interested: 6 Polite Phrases, According to a Psychologist

1. "I really appreciate your interest, but I don't think we're a good match."

Dr. Frank describes this phrase as kind but direct. 

"It acknowledges the other person's effort and feelings without being dismissive," he says. "You can use this when you've interacted enough to feel clear about your lack of interest but still want to show respect for their intentions."

2. "I have so much respect for you, but I see our relationship as more of a friendship."

This one is great because it honors the relationship you do have and want to maintain, which can soften the blow.

"Respectfully framing the relationship as a friendship signals honesty while valuing their presence in your life," Dr. Frank says. "This is ideal for someone you care for as a friend but don't have romantic feelings for."

3. "I think you deserve someone who can match your energy and feelings, and I don't think I can do that."

This one showcases how much you respect a person while also communicating and honoring your limits. It's one you can use on almost anyone as applicable.

"This shines a light on their worth and subtly places the focus on a better-suited connection for them," Dr. Frank explains. "You can use this whenever you find they're more invested or interested than you are." 

Related: 9 Subtle Ways Your Body Language Might Make You 'Instantly Unlikable,' Psychologists Say

4. "You're amazing, but I'm not looking for anything romantic right now."

Dr. Frank says this phrase is straightforward and gentle because it starts with "You're amazing."

"This is a...way to set boundaries without diminishing their efforts or feelings," he shares. "Use this when your lack of interest stems from circumstances rather than the person."

Just make sure it's true—if you're really crushing on someone else and become social-media-official hours later, you'll seem way less authentic.

5. "You're truly a great person, but I think we're better suited as individuals than as a couple."

Noticing a pattern? When telling someone you're not interested, honesty with a side of flowers is the way to go. Dr. Frank says this one is especially good if you've been dating or in a relationship that's fizzled out.

"This acknowledges their positive traits while expressing clear boundaries, reframing the idea that a mismatch is OK," he continues. "It is best when you've both had time to understand each other but find relationship goals or chemistry aren't aligned."

6. "You deserve someone who can completely return your feelings, and I'm not the right person for that."

This one is complimentary toward the person and shows vulnerability and authenticity on your part. Dr. Frank likes the subtle framing the most.

"It highlights their worth and steers the focus toward their well-being rather than your disinterest," he explains. "It's ideal for when it's clear they have strong feelings you can't reciprocate."

Related: 22 Surprising Habits That Make You 'Instantly Unlikable,' Psychologists Warn

The Cliché Phrase To Avoid at All Costs When Trying To Let Someone Down Easy

Are you ready for it?

Dr. Frank does not recommend using this tried, true and totally overused phrase: "It's not you, it's me." 

"It can feel dismissive," he explains. "While it might seem like a way to take the blame, it doesn't offer any meaningful explanation. It can confuse the other person or doubt the authenticity of your feelings. A more honest and specific approach is better for providing closure."

Many of the above phrases are a gentler, more thoughtful way to convey this sentiment.

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Source:

• Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Duality Psychological Services