40 Tweets About Kids' Attempts At Jokes

Nothing prepares you for the torment when your kid first learns how to tell a knock knock joke.
Kid, excitedly: knock knock
Me: who’s there?
Kid: umm
Me, sighing: fucking hell mate

— The Dad (@thedad) December 12, 2018

My daughter has a joke for you. "Why did the chicken cross the chicken? Well to get to the other chicken, of course."

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) June 24, 2011

Establish dominance by replying to your kid’s “Knock knock” joke with “Door’s open.”

— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) March 3, 2020

Good morning! Here's a joke for you from my 6yo daughter.

How did the fire cross the river?

It didn't.

— Karen Cole 💙 (@karlou) February 20, 2014

My kids make the best comedy duo because my 5yo tells jokes that make no sense and my 8yo condescendingly deconstructs exactly why they don’t work.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 24, 2018

Kids: *tells poop joke*

Kid: *tells butt joke*

Kid: *tells fart joke*

Me: *farts*

Kid: Ewww, Mom.

Me: What, not a fan of live comedy?

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 5, 2019

One time in elementary school I tried to make a joke about my family being poor and I got the words destitute and prostitute mixed up and the parent-teacher conferences were weird after that.

— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) October 1, 2019

The only knock-knock joke my toddler knows is the one that has a million knocks and no punch line.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 13, 2015

My kids telling a joke:

A penguin and a giraffe walked into a bar, and then I forgot the punchline because I got distracted by video games.

— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) February 27, 2014

A funny joke my 5 year old daughter told me today: "What did the fish say to the whale? Get in the sea or else you'll die."

— The Dad (@thedad) February 13, 2015

4: Knock knock!

Me: Who's there?

4: Someone's here? Let me go see!
[runs off to front door]

Me: No, that's not how it goes-

[sighs & closes his college savings account]

— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) April 30, 2020

Dear child who thinks they are funny:
Repeating "GET IT?! GET IT?! GET IT?!" after you say something does not make it a joke.

— Brent Almond (@DesignerDaddy) June 8, 2017

"Mom. Are you kitten me right meow?!"

-my daughter's attempt at a joke. I'm so proud.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) May 25, 2015

4: knock knock

me: who’s there

4: why did the chicken and duck cross the road

me: um...

4: it’s the cows house!

me:

4: it’s a punchline!!

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 14, 2020

It’s been 0 days since my daughter didn’t make a poop joke at the table... again.

— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) December 15, 2018

5: "Is this a library sound?"
Me: ..
5: ..
Me: ..
5: ..
Me: "I didn't hear anyth--"
5: "SSHHHH. Hahaha!!"

- my daughter's new favorite joke

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) October 8, 2015

My son just learned about riddles, but also doesn't understand anything about riddles, so he keeps blurting out stuff like, “Why did the turtle cross the road? HE DIDN'T HE'S DEAD.”

— The Dad (@thedad) September 26, 2020

me: why did the chicken cross the road?

daughter: to get to the other side?

me: to visit the smart and daring princess

[5 minutes later]

me: knock knock

daughter: who’s there

me: it’s me, the chicken

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) June 28, 2020

Daughter: what did dad cow say to baby cow?

Me: I don’t know.

Daughter: it’s pasture bedtime : )

Me: good one!

Daughter: thanks!

Me: hey that reminds me it is past your bedtime.

Daughter:

Me:

Daughter: [under breath] couldn’t wait til morning to tell that joke could you.

— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) February 26, 2020

My daughter told a joke and then said, "Guys, that was so funny, I'm going to say it again." Cancel the DNA test. She's mine.

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) November 13, 2010

My daughter wanted me to share this knock, knock joke she came up with for me, the family's known introvert:

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Who the hell knows. Daddy is the only one home and he's hiding under the blanket so nobody sees him.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) February 8, 2020

Tried to teach 3 yo a joke today but he was too worried the chicken would be hit by our car to care why it was crossing in the first place.

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) July 4, 2013

3yo: Knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
3yo: 3yo!
Me: 3yo who?
3yo (in a low voice): Knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
3yo: 3yo!
Me: 3yo who?
3yo (in a falsetto voice): Knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
3yo: 3yo!
Me: 3yo who?
3yo: It's a knock knock joke!#MomLife

— MOMther (@PezzleStick) November 11, 2020

Just taught my son about knock knock jokes. The worst hells are the ones you unwittingly construct yourself.

— The Dad (@thedad) July 29, 2019

7-year-old: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

7: Probably someone you don't want to talk to.

Too real.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 18, 2017

My son's joke of the day: What is brown & sticky?

A stick.

— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) May 30, 2013

4yo: Mommy, you want to hear a funny joke?

Me: Yeah, kiddo!

4yo: Why did the humpback whale cross the ocean?

Me: Why?

4yo: To get to the other side. WAKA WAKA!

— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) April 10, 2020

My 7 year old son has started telling pun jokes and I've never felt prouder of anything.

I also realise how much of an annoying shit I must have been over the last 4 decades.

— Stewie Loves Coffee ☕ (@stewiecoffee) May 20, 2019

My son just pitched me a Twitter joke:"Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?" Like to have him adopted, RT to have him killed

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) April 8, 2017

Laughing at a child’s joke is a great way to hear that exact same joke 8,000 more times.

— The Dad (@thedad) June 13, 2019

Mr 7: I know why you like beer so much.
Me: Why?
Mr 7: Because you have a beard!#KidsWriteJokes

— Tikitu de Jager (@tTikitu) April 29, 2020

11yo son: What do you call a cow with no legs?

Me: Oh, Dear God...

11yo: GROUND BEEF!
*laughs hysterically at his own joke

— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) July 19, 2015

My daughter's attempt at a joke: Why can't an orange sing? Because it doesn't have eyes to see what language to sing in. Bless her! <3

— Alie Koffeman (@AlieKoffeman) June 14, 2011

Engaging in "Yo Mama" jokes with your own child is sort of a lose/lose situation.

— Raquel D'Apice (@theuglyvolvo) May 27, 2013

*my teenage sons being loud, laughing, making inappropriate jokes*

Me: SHHHH! The windows are open & the neighbors are outside!

Son: Well, I’m a little offended they haven’t laughed yet.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 17, 2019

3: knock knock

5: who’s there?

3: house

5: house who?

3: house poop

Both: 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) February 8, 2020

My son's joke of the day:

Where do milkshakes come from?

Nervous cows

— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) August 3, 2013

My kid: Mom. Why did Daddy and Winnie The Pooh cross the road?

Me: uhm, I don't know. Why did they cross the road?

My kid: Because daddy needed to flush him down the toilet because he was actually a bear made of poop and he shouldn't be walking around. #kidswritejokes

— NIN10Doe🇺🇲 🇳🇴🇸🇪🇮🇱 (@Stunningnbrave) August 22, 2019

My 4yo has begun to make up her own knock-knock jokes. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated during this difficult time.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 10, 2015

My son: *tells a joke for the hundredth time in a row*
Me: *coughing up blood from all the forced laughter*

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) February 3, 2016