Yahoo Lifestyle 22 People Who Ignored Warnings Not To Marry Their Spouse
A couple of months ago, I asked those in the BuzzFeed Community who married against their friends' advice to share their stories.
Some are living happily and don't regret their choice at all. Others wish, in hindsight, that they had trusted their friends to spare themselves the time, energy, and heartbreak.
Here are a few more responses that readers shared:
1."My husband and I got together at 16 years old. He proposed before I went to university. At school, I made many new friends, but they never seemed to vibe with my fiancé. They viewed his proposal before I went to university as a way of 'tying me down,' and when he would ask me on the phone how my assignments were going, they saw this as him being 'controlling.' As time passed, it became clear that a lot of this hatred came from one particular friend, who was a big influence on the others. Fast-forward 10 years later, I no longer speak to that friend. We drifted apart. (Eventually, she got married but is now divorced.) Meanwhile, my now-husband and I have a wonderful marriage, and I'm still very close with several of my university friends, who now get on wonderfully with my husband."
—anonymous
2."I started dating a great guy, but my friends didn't like him because he could be a little short and didn't have the easiest personality. However, he never spoke a bad word about them, and he had a lot of friends and family who loved him for all the amazing things about him. My friends didn't get that he was and still is my kindred spirit. Eventually, they showed how they were never actually my friends and only liked the unconditional support I gave them."
"They did various things over the years that showed how they didn't show up for me or respect me. This included one of these friends, who was my maid of honor for our wedding, ditching me two months before the wedding. She claimed it was due to cost, even though I was keeping costs at a bare minimum. My fiancé even offered to pay for everything she needed to help her show up for me, yet, it still wasn't worth her time.
He has since championed me, gotten me through law school, and helped me become 5x the person I would have been without him. I made new, better friends in law school that I've had now for 10 years, and his long-time friends have become like family. Sometimes, meeting the right person just shines the light on the people who want to continue treating you badly and who don't like that you have found an advocate. Can he still be a little more moody or less tactful than other guys? Yes, but he makes efforts to be his best self for me. I could have found someone more like Mr. Bingley, who was happy and cheerful all the time, but I found more of a Mr. Darcy. He is the most faithful and loyal best friend I could have."
—anonymous
3."My ex-husband alienated not only my friends but also my family. He was arrogant and always put my friends, family, and myself down. I don't think he ever said one nice thing to anyone in my life. He would brag to his friends about how awful he treated me. I went out one night with my friends and got home around 11. I was off the next day, but that morning at 5:30, he decided I would get up and fix him breakfast. I still don't know what I was thinking."
—anonymous
4."During my first year of college, I became really close friends with my roommate. We told each other everything. I started dating this guy, and as soon as my roommate met him, she hated him. She made fun of him and tried gossiping about him behind his back. I was getting really pissed off at her, and so, she eventually told me that she had a one-night stand with him and was mad that he didn’t remember her. I broke up with him about a month later."
—anonymous
5."I'm the friend. She is still with him 20 years later. I've stepped away from the friendship. He lies, cheats, and is a general scumbag. She is depressed, in therapy, and on meds but refuses to cut him loose. The constant drama is exhausting. My pity has worn thin. I've realized I prefer friends who are uplifting and fun rather than sticking with an energy vampire just because we go way back."
—anonymous
6."I’ve been best friends with my bestie for 26 years. We grew up together and experienced so much of life’s 'firsts' with one another. I love her more than I can describe and consider her my sister. There has only been one time that we’ve really fought with each other. It was when she was 17, and her 15-year-old boyfriend gave her a promise ring, and she became 'engaged.' The plan was to marry the moment her boyfriend graduated high school and then live in her parents' house immediately after the wedding. It was so insane that I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, and we hashed it out. It is still the only time we’ve ever fought or been angry with each other. Years later, she admits how crazy the whole situation was and doesn’t hold any resentment toward me."
7."I met my now-husband when I was 18 in my first semester of college. My best girlfriend from ninth grade was going to a different university. When I started dating my husband, she didn't want me to date him because she had seen me date three other guys in high school and get my heart broken. She told me we wouldn't last just like all the others and that she didn't want to have to 'pick up the pieces' when I got dumped again. I was really hurt by what she said, considering she hadn't even met him or spoken to him to judge his character. She stopped talking to me after I told her I wouldn't break up with him just to avoid a potential heartbreak later."
—anonymous
8."I met my current boyfriend online. When I was getting to know him, I found out that he was going to high school with my best friend at the time. He was also distant cousins with her boyfriend (very small world). Anyway, she told me she wasn't supportive of our relationship because 'it would be awkward if we broke up because of family gatherings.' Well, I ended up dropping her six months later with encouragement from my therapist after years of her making me feel bad about my weight that I gained from my medication (among other toxic things). Her boyfriend ended up breaking up with her not long after, while I am still with my boyfriend three years later and probably getting engaged this year."
—anonymous
9."Before I got married, two friends took me aside to tell me they thought 'I could do so much better' and that they had always pictured me with someone more caring. They were right. The relationship was tumultuous. It lasted almost 20 years and ended with him trying to sell all of our assets and leaving me to take care of four kids and a dog all on my own."
—anonymous
10."My best friend married a guy who was embarrassed of her. They had different social circles, he was heavy into drugs, and he eventually became a cop. They divorced after a couple of years after he cheated on her. Safe to say, our friendship suffered during that time."
11."I had a large but very close group of friends during college. They’d all been very kind and supportive of me as I struggled to find the right job and trajectory in life. Several years later, their tone changed rather quickly when I started to find my lane and began dating the woman to whom I’m now married. They’d be cold and unkind to her, but we could never understand why. The last time we spoke was when they chose not to come to my wedding at the last minute. No call, no show. They just…didn’t come. I was too distracted marrying the love of my life to worry about a group of people who could only tolerate an unsuccessful, single version of me."
—anonymous
12."My best friend dated one of our college classmates, and it happened to be the one guy I didn't get along with. Somewhere along the way, we agreed to end hostilities for my friend's sake since neither of us wanted to leave the picture. Years later, this guy (who's now married to my best friend) and I got similar psych diagnoses. It turns out we got on each other's nerves because we had different manifestations of the same disorder. We get along a lot better now."
13."Most of my friends approved of my S.O. throughout the duration of our relationship and marriage, with the notable exception of one close friend I met seven years before my husband came into the picture. He hated him and would constantly tell me and our many mutual friends that he was toxic and would be an inadequate husband. Most people he said this to thought he was full of shit, including me, but less than a year after I married my husband, it was clear from his lazy, self-centered, and patriarchal behavior that my friend had been right. I ended up cheating on my S.O. with a friend, and we've been happily married for eight years."
—anonymous
14."I actually saw this happen to a friend I'd known half my life when she met and married her now ex. All her friends, including myself, told her he was bad for her, but she didn't care. She became toxic, and the relationship turned abusive. They divorced a few years later, and she ended up marrying a friend from high school and becoming a stepmom to his kids. Years later, she's incredibly toxic. The last time we spoke, she blamed me for not being there for her in her hardest times. Meanwhile, I was going through my own issues, and while I tried to be there for her, I was at the beginning stages of learning about healthy boundaries and standing up for myself. Needless to say, we are not friends anymore."
15."I was super attracted to her because she was this crazy, punk rock-looking girl, and that was my weakness. We had many mutual friends who tried to warn me that she was not a good person, but I did not listen. Even her best friend tried to warn me that she was just going to hurt me. My dad had just passed away, and I was struggling with sobriety, so I was at a very vulnerable point in my life, and she swooped right in. The longer we were together, the more my friends stopped coming around."
—anonymous
16."So, essentially, we started dating in high school. My friends didn't like him cause he both dealt and did drugs and vaped before, and it wasn't clear when or if he stopped. I still liked him because he promised it would never happen again and was perfect otherwise. Fast-forward to after the wedding, he basically got arrested for a drug abuse incident that had been happening for who knows how long. I have divorced him since then, but he still cares about me, and we have stayed somewhat friends. I am now much happier and way more trusting of my current husband, and I wouldn't like my life any other way."
—anonymous
17."I met my best friend in kindergarten when we were 5 — literally 49 years ago this August. She married a narcissistic asshole, and I've never liked him at all. He is a blowhard and a condescending mansplainer on his best days. She stays with him because that's what she believes she deserves. It breaks my heart. All I can do is be there for her."
—anonymous
18."It ended in a divorce six months into the marriage. He definitely was not who I thought he was, and all my friends and family saw right through his bullshit. From tax invasion, insurance fraud, cheating, lying, leaving me to parent his kids with his ex while he was MIA, stealing money from my bank account, and taking out loans in my name. I had to get a restraining order against him during the divorce process, during which he broke into my truck and messed with it, costing me thousands. He also tampered with my SUV, which blew up my motor on a brand-new car."
"Also, when we were married, I wasn't allowed to leave the four walls of my house and couldn't talk to friends as 'they were trying to split us up,' but clearly they had real reasons."—anonymous
19."My friend warned me that I was settling when I married my jerk boyfriend, who later became my jerk husband. Twenty years later, when I was ready to divorce him, she gave me the money to file. She insisted."
—anonymous
20."The night before my wedding, one of my best friends came to my house to try to talk me out of the wedding. At that time, I cared what people thought and didn't want to disappoint my family, friends, and my boss, so I went ahead and married him anyway. Six years later, I was fleeing into the night with my barefoot 5-year-old daughter and nothing else. Fifteen years later, my daughter and I have been through the fire together, are now best friends, and I am the happiest and most content I've ever been in my adult life. Oh, and I think I've met the love of my life! :)"
—anonymous
21."Back in my early 20s, I started to date a man who was completely different than every other guy I have dated. My friends and family disliked him. My best friend forbade him from coming to her home ever again. We eventually decided to elope and only have my best friend and his brother there. My best friend drove from another state to try and convince me to not marry him...I did...I regretted it, and less than a year in, I had him move out and filed for divorce. Almost 20 years later, I am married to the most amazing man, who my family and friends adore."
—anonymous
22."My best friend and I have been friends for over 20 years. She and her sister met my ex and INSTANTLY did not like him. They thought he was a bum, and that I could do better. They say your best friend is the best judge of character when it comes to guys, and mine was the best."
—anonymous
How do you vet someone when you first start dating? What questions do you ask them? Share them in the comments below.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
