Yahoo Lifestyle 21 People Who Had Sex For The First Time On Their Wedding Night Are Getting Brutally Honest About Their Experience, And It's Actually Super Interesting
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community who didn't have sex before marriage to tell us about the reason for their decision and if they had any regrets. Their responses were honest, interesting, and actually quite surprising. Here's what people revealed:
1."I waited for religious reasons, as did my husband (26F and 29M). Unfortunately, we discovered during our first night together that both of us had sexual dysfunction. I have severe vaginismus, and he has ED. Both of us had to do a lot of work to overcome it, and while neither of us regrets waiting, it's upsetting that our faith doesn't allow for experimentation so we could have resolved these issues before our first time. However, it made it easier to have empathy and not base our entire relationship on our sex lives; we found other ways to grow close, like lots of foreplay."
—libm
2."We waited until our wedding night to have sex for religious reasons. It wasn't too bad, and we had sex several more times until I suddenly got a pretty bad UTI. I had to go to the ER to get antibiotics and spent most of the rest of our honeymoon sleeping. No one told us this could happen. We've been married for 47 years, but if I had it to do over, I'd ignore religion and have sex before marriage so that our honeymoon wasn't such a disaster."
—Anonymous
3."My wife and I both waited until marriage to do the deed for religious reasons. But the wedding night was really amazing. We had a big, fun wedding, and the first night together was really special. We just hit five years together, and every time still feels special. There is something to be said about growing together sexually. We both had no prior experience before we were with each other, so we had nothing to compare each other to. But we both focused on each other's pleasure and communicated well. 10/10 would recommend."
4."I waited until marriage because of religious beliefs. I wasn't pressured by purity culture; I actually didn't experience that growing up. My parents were pro-sex ed, and they encouraged my questions. They always told me, 'We believe sex should be reserved for marriage, BUT if you choose to have sex before, tell us, and we will get you birth control.' My experience with this topic at church was also generally positive. Now, here's where it gets interesting. My husband is an atheist. Before we dated, I told him I wouldn't have sex until marriage, and he was fine with it. He grew up in a super dysfunctional family where sex was prioritized above all else, to the point it caused constant turmoil, so he wanted to try something different. We dated for two years, married, and had sex for the first time on our wedding night."
"It's been six years, and we're very happy. I'm still religious, and he is still atheist. We're both glad we waited. We both feel society is too quick to scoff at waiting and is too sex-obsessed."
5."We waited to have sex until after being married. We were married young, and he was my first serious boyfriend. I'd made out with a few people but never done the full act, so it was very awkward, and I didn't know what to do. The playlist I made was laughable when I look back on it, and I was very loud because I felt like I had to be. *Note: Porn is fake and sets you up to feel weird if you're trying to imitate it.* I wish I could have just been in it, enjoyed the moment more, and stopped trying to live up to this weird expectation I had in my head. I am glad my experience was with someone I knew, loved, and committed to. We've been married for over 10 years now, and the improvement is drastic, much more natural, and enjoyable."
—Anonymous
6."I waited until marriage to have sex. I had not even 'experimented' with myself. I don't regret only having my husband as my partner, but I do wish I had been able to experiment with myself and learn more about what a healthy sex life should be. I grew up in a very religious setting, and it left me with some mental trauma. All my life, I was told that sex is bad, but then suddenly, once married, I'm supposed to be able to flip a switch to 'sex is good.' It doesn't work like that. Not only do I have that issue, but I also have vaginismus, which can strain a relationship, and I think it all stems from my upbringing and the mental toll a strict raising like that has brought."
"My parents' version of sex ed was handing me a book from the early '90s and telling me to read it when I was around 11. I have vowed that when I have my own children, I will teach them openly and respectfully about their bodies and sex, give my advice, but let them make their choices. I don't regret not waiting until marriage for sex, but I regret the stringent upbringing that made me unfamiliar with my own body, even now. It's taken PT and therapy, and I still don't have a normal sex life (though anxiety and depression are contributing to that as well).
Proper sex education and exploration of your own body are so important. I'm still religious, even now, but I have broken out of the ultra-conservative ways that damaged me growing up. But one of the biggest things I want women to know is this: It is NOT supposed to hurt. If it continuously hurts, please see a doctor. I thought I just wasn't 'experienced' enough, and that's why sex was hurting because I didn't know better. Thank goodness I was directed to a doctor and could get diagnosed to be able to work on treating the vaginismus."
—Anonymous
7."Yes, I waited, then didn't enjoy it at all. Then, I realized I didn't enjoy sex with men. I opened my marriage, met a woman, and got divorced. I'm now not dating because I am actively transitioning to androgynous."
—Anonymous
8."I grew up in a very conservative Christian religion that taught sex before marriage was a sin. I was not quite on board, so I ended up doing pretty much everything other than penile penetrative sex with multiple boyfriends. I experienced orgasms and had an understanding of what I did and didn't like. But my husband, who also grew up in a Christian religion and was taught sex before marriage was a sin, had never even kissed a girl or had a girlfriend when I met him. I taught him a few things while we were dating."
"We got married after only a year, so it was pretty fast. We were in our early 20s. We did wait until our wedding night to have sex, and honestly, it was pretty terrible. I guess it had been built up as this huge thing and didn't meet our expectations. Obviously, it's gotten better, and we're still happily married after seven years together, but I definitely will not raise our kids to think sex is some taboo thing that gives you a one-way ticket to hell. What a weird way to think."
—Anonymous
9."We waited for religious reasons. We met in college and dated for three years total before getting married. It was definitely hard to wait, but we believed that sex was designed to be enjoyed within the confines of a committed marriage relationship. Our first night was amazing. Heck, our whole honeymoon was amazing. I would say the sex has only continued to get better (married for 10 years now). Compared to now, our first time wasn't as amazing looking back. But it was amazing to experience it for the first time together and to continue to be able to grow sexually together. I love our sex life, he loves our sex life, and I have zero regrets about choosing to share that side of myself with him alone. I realize not everyone has this experience."
"I would say that although my parents taught me to wait until marriage, they did a great job of not making sex feel like this shameful or dirty thing. They described it as a wonderful gift to enjoy with your spouse, so making that jump from abstinence to being sexually active included zero feelings of shame or guilt."
—Anonymous
10."My husband and I both believe in waiting to have sex until marriage. When we were dating, we avoided all kinds of sex. Going into the wedding night, I had never seen him naked. I am very happy we waited. It was the sweetest experience. I think he was more nervous than me. But we both had many conversations about sex before getting married and knew enough to get us started. The fun part was figuring things out together. It was sometimes clumsy, but the wedding night was a great experience. We got to know each other in an even more intimate way. We had sex, and it felt good for both of us. Then we ended the night with a bath. Waiting would have been considerably harder if we had not had such a quick engagement. Luckily, throughout dating, we learned to communicate about our sexual needs, which made those conversations on the wedding night and in marriage much more natural."
—Anonymous
11."I waited to have sex with my husband, but I have regrets. I wish I could have experienced sex with different people before him. I felt pressure from my religion and my mother. We've been married for 13 years and don't have bad chemistry or anything, but I also feel foolish being so compliant to get approval."
12."We were both virgins on our wedding night. I was so afraid to get pregnant, so despite being on the Pill, we wanted to use a condom as well. The first go was bumpy at best. I recall looking at my husband and saying, 'Teenagers do this. It can't be that difficult!' We laughed and tried until we found what worked for us. I thought it would be like The 40-year-old Virgin — two minutes and done for him. Nope! It lasted about 30 minutes; then I had to call it quits. We tried again the next three days, but he still could not finish. Finally, we figured out that the condoms were too tight and bought some new ones, and that solved that!"
"We've been married 16 years, and our intimate life is PHENOMENAL! We talk openly outside of the bedroom with each other about this subject with zero shame or judgment. Being able to have those talks has made sex and intimacy so much better and much more frequent despite being parents to three kids. We have a better, more active sex life now than we did at the beginning. We've learned with each other, and I would never trade that."
—Anonymous
13."My husband and I were both virgins when we got married at 34 and 28. The decision was one we made because of our faith and also because we wanted to be with each other only. We were physical enough to know the chemistry was there, but we felt that abstaining from sex helped us make a clear decision about our comparability and desire to get married. We also talked about how often we wanted to have sex and had open conversations about sex before we were married. Our wedding night was awesome."
"He had done some reading on how to make the experience comfortable and enjoyable for me, and we had a wonderfully fun and exciting time. We took our time, and there was minimal discomfort. The honeymoon had a bit of a learning curve, but we figured out what worked for us pretty quickly. Kids have lowered our current frequency more than we would like, but we do our best and still have what I think is an above-average, adventurous sex life. I know friends who made the same choice and have had struggles in the bedroom, but I am so happy with our choice. I knew my partner was kind and fun and would put my needs before his. Everything else, I felt, could be worked on."
—Anonymous
14."I (31F) and my husband (28M) waited until our wedding night when we were 27 and 24. His waiting just kind of happened, but mine was rooted in my desire to share myself totally and completely with my husband when he WAS my husband (not dating or engaged). I wanted that commitment before I made the physical commitment. The night was very memorable. We drove back to our new house (living together before marriage was a big no-no in our families), we sat and talked, he went upstairs, and I had a small drink to calm my nerves. When he led me upstairs to our new bedroom, he lit candles all over the room, spread rose petals on the bed and floor and put on some very nice romantic instrumental music. We went very slowly and stopped when we needed to. It may not have been the movie-esque perfect time (yes, it hurt a bit), but it was perfect and wonderful to share that moment and first time with my husband. It was a bonus that it was also his first time too. No regrets!"
—Anonymous
15."I had a culturally Catholic upbringing, but my family stopped attending after I had my First Communion at age 7. I had comprehensive sex education in my public school because the principal had been a health teacher who had specialized in it. I still chose to wait until marriage to have sexual intercourse because I didn't want to risk getting an incurable STI, getting pregnant, or even just turning into that girlfriend who goes, 'We had sex once, so now we're soulmates.' Every form of contraception has a failure rate greater than 0 for STIs and/or conception, and I'm not a betting gal. In addition to that, I suspected I had vaginismus due to being completely unable to use tampons or get through a pap smear, so if I was unable to have penetrative sex, I wanted to find that out with a partner that I knew loved me for me rather than some random guy who thought I was hot."
"My own mother laughed when I told her that I wanted to wait until marriage, saying, 'Yeah, come see me when you get to college.' In the end, I didn't get married until I was 35 (and didn't have my first mouth-to-mouth kiss until I was 29 years old with my first boyfriend). I was a virgin on my wedding night. Obviously, I had some pretty hot make-out sessions with my second boyfriend, who eventually became my husband, but essentially, our clothes were always on. My husband was not a virgin, so he coached me through sexual intercourse.
Surprisingly, we got it on during our wedding night, despite my expectations that we wouldn't, and it was one of the best nights of my life. I wasn't able to do penetrative sex on my wedding night because of vaginismus, but six months of pelvic floor therapy resolved that. I have no regrets about my decision to remain a virgin until I was married, but I'm the first to say that it's not without its own consequences. Also, I don't know how it would have been if my husband had also been a virgin or if we had never had our hot make-out sessions before getting married. By the way, I don't think I'm this awesome person because I was a virgin on my wedding night. It happened to sit well with me, and I had no negative long-term consequences due to a decision I made in my teens."
—Anonymous
16."I waited to have sex because of my Christian beliefs. I am happy I did. My partner had not waited but then decided on his own before we started dating to be celibate again, and we waited together during our two years of dating/engagement. On the wedding night, I felt very nervous because I didn't really know what to expect and was nervous about the pain. But honestly, we did it three times that night/morning, and it was fun figuring it out! It wasn't steamy hot, but it didn't bother me because I felt like we had time to learn about each other and what felt good together. We created a safe space to experiment and ask each other to try new things. Almost 10 years later, it's been an enjoyable experience growing closer and learning new things about each other over time. We are still trying new things, and it gets better and better. I 100% would recommend waiting."
—Anonymous
17."My wife of 41 years and I met at first-year orientation at a small midwestern college. We clicked immediately, and she quickly became, and still is, the love of my life. We petted heavily until we married in grad school but didn't do the deed until our wedding night. It was only OK, and after our honeymoon, we settled into a once-a-month sex life. First, I thought I must be one of those fools who married a lesbian looking for a cover story. Then, I thought maybe she was asexual, and that's why she didn't like sex. Years and years later, she was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer that caused all her moist body parts to be desert dry, and sex just plain hurt. No lube or prescription medicine helped, so we quit trying to have normal penetrative sex at about the 10-year mark."
"Had we lived together or even had a few nights together before we got hitched, I would have gone into marriage with my eyes wide open. We would probably have still ended up together, but I wish we hadn't waited until marriage."
—Anonymous
18."My wife and I dated for almost five years before marriage. We were sort of high school sweethearts (she was a senior, and I had just graduated when we met). She went to college out of town, and we consistently spent time with one another, which kept the relationship strong and stable. We decided very early in our relationship that sex needed to be saved for marriage. My view on this was mostly formed by evangelical purity culture. However, it did mean something to me to save this important part of life for an important person. Fast forward to our wedding night. I don't want to sound cliché, but it was genuinely magical."
"In the many years since our wedding, I have never regretted waiting to share that moment with her on our wedding night. My perspective on waiting until marriage is still similar now, but not due to an evangelical purity curse. I still think that sex is such a meaningful experience and that it should be reserved for someone who sees you, knows you, and cares about all aspects of your life. Whether that is committed in a marriage or a stable relationship, hopefully, that person is the one who makes you feel safe in such a vulnerable and meaningful experience."
—Anonymous
19."We both had religious upbringings and didn't have penetrative sex until marriage. We dated for three and a half years before getting married. I (female) was quite nervous, but he made me feel safe, and there was no pressure from him. We didn't even end up having sex on the first night; we just got comfortable being naked around each other. When we did have sex, he was so gentle and went out of his way to ensure it was good for me. If I wasn't sure he was the one before, I was sure then. Honestly, I think there is a distinct lack of education about sex, particularly in religious circles. I believe that sex is extremely intimate (emotionally and physically), so it should be taken seriously. Still, you should also go into it knowing how to be safe and advocate for yourself. It's about balance."
—Anonymous
20."We got married young, at 20 and 22. We were both so tired from the long day that we should have just gone to bed. The physical aspect was awkward, and we laughed a lot. The next day, after getting sleep, it was much better. We talked about everything before, during, and after, and that really was key to feeling completely comfortable. It made discussing different positions or fantasies easier, without fear of judgment. That level of trust was amazing. We were married for 10 years until his unexpected death during COVID."
21.And: "It was so hard for both of us, waiting the almost three years we dated (and our whole lives before that). But it was so worth it. There is something really special about knowing that no one else ever gets that part of you, and it's a special gift only for your spouse. We really took it slow, enjoyed the fully nude reveals for the first time, and tried many of the foreplay things we had been wanting to do. The actual intercourse was only a small part of it. He was patient and took it slow, ensuring I enjoyed myself every time."
"We've been married for 12 years now, and I'm still feeling incredibly blessed to have a husband who is so selfless (in bed and many other ways). We both came from purity culture but decided for ourselves. We felt strongly that it was the right thing to do and would strengthen our relationship in the long run."
Did you wait until marriage to have sex? How was the experience? Do you have any regrets, or are you happy with your decision? Tell us in the comments or share your story anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
