Yahoo Lifestyle 20 People Confessed The Most Life-Changing Things Their Therapists Ever Said, And It'll Blow You Away
Recently Reddit user commander_boobs asked the community, "What's one thing a therapist has said to you that you will never forget?"
People shared so many insightful, riveting, and life-changing stories and comments, which just goes to show you the enormous impact therapists have on their clients.
So, here are some of the most unforgettable things therapists have said to folks:
Note: Some submissions include topics of child abuse. Please proceed with caution.
Note: There isn't one "typical" therapy experience. Everyone's stories are different, and if it hasn't worked for some, that doesn't mean it hasn't worked for others.
1."My therapist and I were discussing how I felt about a pretty deep betrayal from my ex-wife. I was beating myself up for not seeing how bad she really was when there was plenty of evidence. He wrote down something on his yellow notepad and then held it up to my face, practically touching my nose. He said, 'What's that say?' I couldn't read it — it was too close to my face. Stepping back from it a bit, I could read it. It said, 'You're too close to see it.' He was right. I was too close to the problems and the situation to have been able to see it where, in retrospect, it was so obvious. I stopped beating myself up over it and was able to let it go."
2."'That child who was never loved or acknowledged isn't waiting on your parents, but on you. You are her parent now. Will you ignore her, not love her, not value her, and not find her worthy as well? You decide if she thrives or survives. Your parents let her down. Will you do the same?'"
3."A therapist once told me, 'You don’t have to fix everything at once. Just start somewhere.' It helped me let go of the pressure to be perfect and focus on small steps. It made the bigger issues feel less overwhelming."
4."My therapist said to think of past me and future me as two completely different people. My decisions today don’t affect me. Because the me that makes those decisions will be gone (past me). Future me, a different person, has to live with the consequences. So treat that person with love and respect, and don’t put him in bad or awkward situations."
5."One thing a therapist once said to me that I’ll never forget is, 'You’re allowed to feel how you feel, even if you don’t have all the answers right now.' It stuck with me because I often felt the need to immediately fix or rationalize my emotions instead of just sitting with them. That statement made me realize it’s okay not to have everything figured out and that emotions themselves are valid, even without clear explanations. It was freeing to understand that I didn’t need to solve everything at once."
6."For me, it was a time I was talking about how self-conscious I was when dating and what that other person thought of me. She told me, 'You're so focused on whether that person would like you, that you don't even realize if you even like them back.'"
7."'You're a people pleaser. And aren't you a person? So, when is it YOUR turn?'"
8."'Depression doesn’t have to be sadness or the lack of happiness. It could come in the form of unresolved anger.' This helped me reframe a lot of what I was trying to fix."
9."She asked if there was anything I wanted to do in my life that I no longer thought I could do. I told her that I wanted to go to law school, but that was no longer in the cards for me. She said, 'You know that you can still go to law school right? No one has to give you permission.' I’ll be graduating with my JD degree in May of next year. I don't think she knows the true impact of her simple statement that day."
10.“'You show up for other people because no one ever showed up for you, and you don’t ever want anyone else to feel that pain.'"
11."They said, 'Notice your feelings like leaves on a river. Call them what they are, let them go, and then let them float down the river past you. Don't judge yourself for having them, and don't engage with them. Simply acknowledge them, let them go, and move on.' I remember these words vividly because it's a coping strategy I use almost every day."
12.“'Your self-confidence will fluctuate day to day, maybe even minute to minute. That’s transient. But what doesn’t fluctuate is your knowledge, your training, your intelligence, and your intellect. Those things stay consistent and improve with time. Don’t put too much stock in your self-confidence as a measure of how competent you are. Trust in the other things that are consistent and concrete.'"
13.“'If you make an intentional, well thought-out decision, how someone else responds to it is none of your business.' I didn’t believe him for years."
14."When you get married, realize that you’re marrying multiple people. Who you are and who your spouse is today isn’t going to be who they are in 10-15 years from now.' This changed the way I view a lot of discussions with my partner."
15."I had talked recently about my inability to find a partner because I’m looking for X, Y, and Z, and 'not a lot of women fit what I’m looking for.' She paused for a minute and asked me, 'Well…what kind of partner do YOU want to be?' This blew my mind. It completely changed my approach to dating."
16."'You didn’t deserve what you went through as a child, and you also shouldn't blame yourself for things that happened out of your control.' I burst into tears hearing that."
17."'You can be alone, and that’s okay. If only one person ever loves you, even if that person is you, it is enough.'"
18."One day I said to her, 'I don’t understand why anyone would want to be my friend, I’m BORING.' And her response was, 'That’s not your decision.'"
19."'You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.'"
20.And finally, “My therapist said, 'They’ll get over it.' We were discussing setting boundaries and how hard it was for me to say no. I told her people would be mad if I said no. She responded with, 'So? They’ll be mad.' When I just stared at her, not comprehending, she went on with that pearl of wisdom: 'They’ll get over it.' I thought of all the times I’d been upset with people and had to get over it, but I realized she was right. Even the person whose anger I feared the most would get over it in time. The first time I said no was hard — I fretted about it and the other person’s reaction for a while. It got easier, though, and now I have no trouble at all doing it."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
