True Story: I Left My Husband For His Brother

Natalie Portman had a tough choice between Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobey Maguire in the film Brothers.

I met Andy* while travelling in Thailand when I was 26 in July 2005. I fancied him the moment I saw him, playing guitar under a tree in a hammock. He was 27 then, tall, with messy, sandy blond hair, eyes the colour of the ocean and the ends of his eyelashes were bleached from spending a year in the sun in Asia. He had a very cheeky smile and a ready laugh. He was the guy who always had everyone in hysterics, often at somebody else's expense, but he could really make me laugh and I loved hanging out with him.

The first time we kissed we were at a full moon party and from that moment on, we were together. Sex was hot - the best I'd ever had. Our bodies just seemed to fit together. Like all relationships when you're travelling, you think it's just a fling, but it felt so natural with Andy, and we quickly fell in love. We travelled through Thailand, Vietnam and Laos before heading to his home in the UK.

I was supposed to return to Australia, but I couldn't bear to go without Andy, so I gave up the rest of my ticket and, by 2006, we had set up home in the seaside town of Brighton. Despite being a fashion buyer, I got a job in a clothes shop, while Andy worked as a website designer, as well doing a bit of DJ'ing in bars on the side. I loved Andy's whole crowd, mainly his friends and their partners from university, while Andy's younger brother, Ed*, and his girlfriend, Simone*, would travel from London to stay with us.

I immediately liked Ed, who inherited his dad's darker hair and softer, more relaxed attitude. He was into reggae, was very easy to talk to and had a great sense of humour – but without Andy's caustic edge. Ed was always so affectionate and sweet with Simone; he'd do nice things like get up to make her tea in the morning, while I was the one in our relationship who'd do it. When they would stay for a weekend, I'd often bump into Ed in our kitchen making breakfast for Simone.

Andy loved to party and it started to become an issue for me. When we were in Thailand it was fine because everyone was up for it. However, I've always been a bit of a lightweight and would leave before the sun came up. For the first six months in Brighton I pretended I was cool with it, but after spending too many Sundays alone, it really upset me and caused arguments.

Andy would often stumble in at five o'clock on Sunday afternoon and although I knew he was a huge flirt, I trusted Andy and thought it was just his gregarious nature. I never thought he'd cheat on me. One day, though, a friend told me she'd seen Andy having coffee with a girl. I just assumed it was one of his website clients, but later when I asked him what he'd done that day, he said he hadn't left the house. It was the first time I ever checked his phone and there were suggestive messages from the girl. When I threatened to leave him, he swore nothing happened. I wanted to believe him, so I went into denial.

We got through that rocky period and although his partying didn't really change much, I was convinced I'd met the man of my dreams and we decided to tie the knot in 2008. We wed in a registry office, with Ed as Andy's best man, and had a huge party in a restaurant with friends and family. The morning of the wedding, though, I had a hollow feeling. Not that I thought I was making a mistake - I loved Andy. But I was really apprehensive about his partying, although I told myself he'd surely settle down after the wedding.

Six months later, things really started to change. Andy became hyper critical of me, from saying tiny veins in my legs were disgusting to hating the way I held my knife and fork! He was going out a lot and I was perpetually waiting for him to come home. He'd say he'd be home in an hour and turn up the next morning. From having a healthy sex life, we rarely made love and I started feeling very insecure, like there was something wrong with me.

At that time, Simone left Ed and he moved to Brighton. He didn't have his own circle of friends and he'd come over a lot, even if Andy wasn't home. Ed and I would hang out, watch DVDs, cook or listen to music. Ed was so much more sensitive than Andy, who'd shut down whenever anything emotional was mentioned. I opened up to Ed about how I was feeling. Ed spent his life in his brother's shadow, so he could relate to how I felt about Andy's selfishness. After a while, I looked forward to Ed's visits. It felt so natural - not like I always had to be on guard - and if Andy was home, Ed diffused the atmosphere. Although once Andy came home drunk and said to Ed, "You here again?"

After we'd been married for 18 months, I found a message from a woman on Andy's phone before he could delete it. This pushed us over the brink. Ed came around to see if I was OK: "He treats you like an idiot, Sam. Why do you put up with it?" I explained I hated the idea of being a divorcee at 29. I suggested counselling to Andy and he said just because he had friends that were females, it didn't mean he had a problem. Andy had an uncanny knack of being able to turn any situation around to make it look like it was my fault.

The first time I thought of Ed as more than a brother-in-law was when we went out to a party as a big group. He was chatting to a pretty girl and they were getting on really well. He looked really cute, I could tell she liked him and I felt a devastating sense of jealously. I was shocked. I was thinking, "Oh my God, am I having feelings for Ed?" I felt sick at the thought. There was no way in a million years I could entertain it.

I started to cut Ed out of my life. If he was coming over, I'd go out. If he sent me a message, I'd take days or weeks to answer. I was fearful he would discover I liked him. At the same time, I made a huge effort with Andy, but nothing changed; he was as critical and cold as ever. On the rare occasions we'd make love, I felt like he was just getting off.

After not seeing Ed for about six weeks, he called and asked me to meet for a drink. When we met, he asked if he'd done anything to offend me. I came up with some lame excuses about being really busy, but he was looking at me with these intense blue eyes, so I just had to be honest and I told him how I had started having feelings for him and it was torturing me. His mouth dropped open and he just stared at me. "Sam, I've always really liked you," he said. "I mean really like you beyond just liking you, but you're Andy's wife."

I felt crippled by shame and I just wanted to get out of there. I mumbled how sorry I was, stood up and ran away. Ed chased me into the car park behind the pub and grabbed my arm. "Sam! Sam, wait," he called, as I was getting into my car. I was crying, struggling to get away from him and he pulled me towards his body and held me for about 10 seconds and then we just started kissing. It was the most passionate kiss of my life. My body ached with desire. I wanted him to make love to me against the car. The passion was intoxicating.

We pulled away from each other, in shock at what had happened. "We can't do this Ed, we can't. It’s wrong!" I shouted. I got into my car and slam-med the door. I could see Ed walking away in the rear-view mirror. I was shaking, then I started banging the steering wheel. "Please God no, I can't be in love with Ed. Anyone but Ed," I cried out in the darkness of my car. Life felt so desperately cruel. We stayed away from each other for the next couple of months, but it was so hard. I really missed his company and I felt the most incredible sense of longing that I thought I'd go mad, obsessively thinking about him. Whatever my feelings for Ed, I knew I had to leave Andy. We'd become like ghosts living in the flat.

I hadn't slept with Ed when I left Andy two months later, although I know his family and friends think we did. It's not true. Apart from that one kiss, nothing happened. When I told Andy I wanted to leave him, it wasn't like he was devastated. He said he loved me, but wasn't "in love" with me. I think it was as much a relief for him as much as it was for me. Andy went on a three-month bender, shagging every woman he could, while I was still grieving our relationship - it really hurt to end it despite everything.

After we split, I heard more stories about Andy cheating on me and hitting on girls in the group. But because they were "his" friends, they - including Ed who knew the true extent of it, but never told me - had protected him.

When I moved out of our flat, everyone assumed I'd go back to Australia, but I couldn't leave without knowing if my feelings for Ed were real. We kept a distance for a couple of months. It was too painful to be near him, as I've never wanted someone so much in my life. Finally, I called Ed and asked if we could talk. Although he was fiercely loyal to his brother, he admitted he was desperately struggling with his feelings for me.

That night we got drunk and ended up making love. Strangely, both Andy and Ed had a familiar smell and had similar bodies, but beyond that it was a totally different experience. Andy was into enjoying his performance while Ed wanted to please. I felt a more spiritual connection with Ed. Sex just got better with him, it felt more real, more intense, more connected. After sneaking around for five months, we came to realise we had to be together, no matter what the fallout. When I first broached the subject with my girlfriends, they were shocked; they'd supported me through the break-up with Andy, but the idea of being in love with your husband's brother was so left of field, nobody really knew how to deal with it.

It was Ed who broke the news to Andy - in a pub, which in hindsight was a bad idea. Andy threw a pint over him and punched him in the face. He apparently fumed, "You've always done everything after me, now you've got my sloppy seconds", before storming off. Andy wasn't into me, but the thought of anyone else having me made him crazy. Suddenly, I became the love of his life and he told everyone I'd destroyed him.

It also divided our friends who, despite knowing that Andy was a serial cheat, thought Ed and I were selfish and disgusting. Andy got a lot of sympathy. Others were supportive. "Andy had his chance and blew it," said one girlfriend. "Why should you not be together to save that arsehole's feelings?"

Shockingly, Ed and Andy's mum told Ed that if he kept seeing me, she'd write him out of her will. Ed didn't speak to her for nine months. They're talking again now, but she won't have anything to do with me and apparently refers to me as "that Australian trollop/slut/bitch". The worst guilt I have comes from the fact that I'm responsible for Ed not having a relationship with Andy. Ed chose me over his brother, and I don't know if that’s a fence that can ever be mended.

In the end, Ed and I moved to London to get away from everybody. We're now in Paris where Ed has taken a job. We have to be together for another 14 months before he can apply for residency to come to Australia. I'm dreading having to explain the situation to immigration. For us to be together, we both have to endure a huge crush of emotional pressure. It's almost like we have to make this relationship work because Ed has given up so much to be with me. I have to say I would never, ever have chosen this path. Ultimately, though, I didn't feel I had any choice – I just fell in love.