The #1 tip for climbing the career ladder

The sure-fire keys to success are much more surprising
By Lori Gottlieb

When it comes to your job, there's one skill that's every bit as important as the work you do and the results you deliver: the ability to make connections with people.

"The truth is, people aren't promoted only because of hard work. You have to be just as focused on building relationships," says career coach Dr Lois Frankel, author of Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office. In fact, she says, "If you're not spending 5 per cent of your day concentrating on this, you're doing something wrong." Why? "To be promoted into leadership roles, you need to be likable. And that means being social," says corporate recruiter Joy Chen. It comes down to plain old psychology. "Within an organisation, people want to be around others who they're comfortable with," says psychiatrist Dr Mark Goulston, author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret of Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone. "And the way people feel comfortable is by getting to know you."

Surprisingly, many women struggle with this idea. We may be the gender known for relationship skills, but men are way ahead of us in work relationships. Whereas many women see it as "wasting the company's money" to do something other than focus on the task at hand, men know that when they're talking about last weekend's golf scores, they're building alliances that will later work for them.

What's holding us back? "Women tend to have a more serious 'I need to prove myself' mentality," says executive coach and Laura Steck. "They don't realise it's not only OK to use their more feminine aspects at work, but that they're hurting themselves if they don't."

In other words, what might seem frivolous isn't. Goulston says some women feel that if they talk about fashion or food, they'll seem less powerful. But, he continues, "men can talk about sports and don't consider that a waste of time." It helps that a lot of men's hobbies embody qualities that are good for business—such as competition—which can make it seem as if guy talk has a more purposeful quality than, say, a chat about shoe shopping.

But bosses think it's important for men and women to know how to connect with coworkers. One CEO told Steck about a female employee who did great work but was perceived as standoffish because she never socialised. Despite her talent, when it came time for promotions, she didn't get one. And Frankel notes that among the people who were laid off in the current recession, those who didn't have strong work relationships are in a worse place than others who lost their jobs. "When you go to look for your next position," she says, "those connections are going to help."