Yahoo Lifestyle Women Are Sharing Why They Cheated, And I Literally Have No Words
After going down a day-time TV rabbit hole filled with women trying to be for the streets and the sheets, I decided to find out what really makes them cheat. It all started when I watched a woman accuse her boyfriend of “revenge cheating” on her when the reality was she never stopped cheating on him. The next story involved a woman who was seeing four other men while bashing her man for communicating with the mother of his child (about childcare). The final story was even worse.
To get my answers, I asked the ladies of the Buzzfeed Community why they cheated, and to be honest, some of these stories should be made into a (Lifetime) movie. Here’s what they had to say:
1.“Because my husband has taken all the joy out of my life, but due to finances, I cannot leave.”
“I found someone who fulfills what I need without the emotional turmoil that my husband causes.”
–Anonymous
2.“I was 22, just graduated college.”
“I had been in an abusive relationship for the past three years. We were living together and he had isolated me from everything. I had started a new job and found new friends who were making me finally feel comfortable and confident enough to leave. My bf wouldn't let me go out. One night, I went out in an act of defiance, and a friend of my friend was a good guy and treated me nice (like no one had before). As a true f-ck you to my bf, I kissed this guy: made out for a bit, nothing more. I did it to cement the fact I had to leave my horrible bf and never look back. Cheating was unforgivable. I wanted to blow up the relationship beyond repair. I didn't go home that night, and never went back. I got my stuff and moved out. Me and the friend who saved me are still best friends over 10 years later.”
–Anonymous
3.“I stepped out because my husband stopped caring if I climaxed or not.”
"[It was] ’I'll get you next time,’ then he was constantly accusing me when I had been 100% faithful; and would fat-shame me. Since then, I figured I might as well since he is accusing me, and I cannot convince him otherwise. My affair partner and I are great friends, and have amazing sexual chemistry. We care for each other, but would not want to jeopardize our home lives. It is risky, but now essential to my happiness. He makes me feel sexy, beautiful, and worthy. ...it's bigger, too!”
–Anonymous
4.“We'd been married for five years (10 altogether), but I'd been 'in love' with him since I was a kid. He was the cool older boy who lived down the street.”
“Wasn't until we were married that I began to realize he was very attractive and very funny, but also a little bit racist, a little bit homophobic, a little bit offensive (said he wouldn't love me if I got fat etc...); and more importantly, would prioritize every single one of his interests/friends/hobbies over me.One night I met a guy at a work event, and I never realized you could click and talk to someone like that. We didn't stop talking for about seven hours, and I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to him. It made me realize that I'd been in love with the idea of ending up with my childhood crush and that we weren't actually a suitable couple. Spent one night with the guy from the work event, went home, told my [now] ex-husband, and left. Been with the work guy for 15 years, and he's 'my person.'
I took a huge risk (and did a sh-tty thing), but it was the best decision I ever made. And the thing I cling to is that I did a horrible thing, but I admitted it, left, and tried to make the divorce as easy as possible. I didn't carry on behind his back, lying to him for months or years after. [Ex]-husband moved his new girlfriend into my old house four months later, had a baby ten months later, and was married a year later, so he wasn't moping around too much. 😂”
–Anonymous
5.“I married too young, and by the time I was 22, I was so hyper-aware that I was missing out on a whole life of experiences, it began to drive me crazy.”
“The world outside of my marriage looked fulfilling, and the people were all so intriguing – men and women, I wanted it all. Being pretty starved for affection from my husband, the slightest compliment from anyone sent me into a spiral. Because of how uninterested in me my husband was, I took full advantage of him not caring where I was. Come to find out, he was up to his own shenanigans, just far more sinister and without the consent of those involved. (Long story for another time.) Young marriages aren't always bad, but it was the wrong choice for me. We're years divorced, and my life now is rich and exciting.”
–Stephanie
6.“I haven't actually cheated, and I am not actively looking to, but I have found myself messaging previous flames in a friendly manner.”
“I feel the desire to go back to when I was dating or hooking up with these individuals. My partner of five years makes me feel so lonely even when I am right next to him. I helped him with everything: laundry, job applications, paying bills, etc. This weekend, I asked for help building a new Christmas decoration, and he refused. My father was visiting, and my partner just kept saying he didn't understand what I possibly needed help with. I wound up silently crying while trying to build it until I excused myself, and my dad stepped in to help.
All I could think about the rest of the weekend was how I so desperately wanted to go back in time and pick the other guy I ended our casual situation with to pursue a relationship with my current boyfriend. I'm tired of being put down, and told I am just another crazy woman. Maybe I should show him just how crazy I am, and cheat.”
–Anonymous
7."After nearly a decade together, we had become roommates and co-parents.”
“It's not like we were fighting or anything, we were still great friends, but the passion was completely gone. I felt like I had tried to talk to him about it several times, but he pushed it off.
In frustration, I posted in a subReddit for dead bedrooms, and a guy commented on one of my posts saying that he felt the same – that he loved his wife and could never leave her, but he felt alone and unwanted. He then messaged me privately and we began to talk. There was an instant attraction, chemistry, and spark.
I made the decision within weeks of knowing him that I had to meet him, but my husband could never know. I still loved him, and I didn't want to lose him. I convinced myself that I'd be saving my sanity and my relationship by seeking physical comfort outside of my marriage. (I obviously now know in retrospect how crazy that sounds, but at the time, I was lonely and depressed and just wanted to feel something.)
We met once in person, just before the world closed for Covid, and that chemistry was there. I was infatuated, and I thought we would both leave our spouses for each other. But then, we went home to our families, and the Covid lockdown happened, and we could no longer see each other. We still stayed in contact until my husband found out.
That was the worst day of my life. I almost lost my best friend and my actual soulmate because of my actions. After many hours of marriage therapy together and hours of therapy for both of us, me agreeing to be an open book and completely transparent, and us putting in the work to prioritize our physical relationship (the sex is now better than I could have even imagined), we are in a better place than we ever were before. However, I know that wound still aches sometimes –for both of us, in different ways. I would give anything in the world to go back and make a different choice that did not hurt the person who means the most to me.”
–Anonymous
8.“Well, I did and I didn't.”
“My first husband and I were non-monogamous, so I was going into this situation with his blessing. I was headed to meet up with my long-time best friend, and sometimes romantic crush, and he actually suggested I get physically involved with him because it would be 'special.' Of course, I caught romantic feelings again for the best friend (emotional cheating), and it led to the downfall of that marriage. I married the best friend, and he was my soulmate until he died."
—Anonymous
9.“While I don't physically cheat — I do get online boyfriends from around the world, and I tell them I have a roommate.”
“I never look for them; they always find me somehow. It's insanity. It's like I'm two different people. I get so bored when I don't have a side boyfriend. I spend hours just doom scrolling instead of texting the sidepiece. My husband is super introverted and loves staying home, but I've always been very extroverted [and] also very insecure. I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago, and I am convinced that I miscarried because of my cheating ways. So, I've been cutting all the side dudes off, and man, life is BORING without them. Idk why I do this, and I'm too ashamed to even tell any friends or a therapist. Idk.”
—Anonymous
10.“The sex wasn't great, and there wasn't passion.”
“A guy at work was super into me, and made me feel wanted. I learned how to orgasm from my time with him.”
—Anonymous
11.“Because the marriage was over.”
“I went away for a weekend to think things through and knew that I couldn't stay. I thought it was just a weekend fling, but ended up being much more than that. The day I got back from that weekend, I told my husband I was done, and moved out a few short weeks later. Shortly after I moved out, I got a call: 'I think my wife and your husband are having an affair,' so I know I made the right choice to leave.”
—Anonymous
12.“I was married quite young, and had two small children in my early 20s.”
“After seven years of being married, I felt unseen, invalidated as a human being, and felt very unappreciated. My husband was very traditional in that he worked [and] controlled the money, as well as what I did. I was a stay-at-home mom. It felt like he didn’t see me as a human being, but rather a piece of property or employee. My emotional needs were never seen as important. His mental, emotional, and physical needs were always the priority. I cheated because someone gave me attention and saw me as a human being. We are now divorced, and I am in a mutually loving and respectful relationship.”
—Anonymous
13.“I began to cheat on my boyfriend of four years because... I don't even know.”
“He wasn't really ready to commit — wouldn't even talk about moving in together. He was a really cool dude though, and we're still friends years later. I, myself, was also very insecure at the time, and didn't know what I want[ed]. I somehow liked being independent, but feared it at the same time. All relationships around me looked so loving, so happy, with boyfriends/fiancés moving in, talking about getting pregnant and such, and I had this pretty, funny man-child who ate (eats) nothing but pizza and kebab and prefers to play Xbox or binge Netflix all night. I thought he would change if I waited long enough.
Then, I met guys who were different from him: who flirted openly, who made compliments, who engaged in conversation, who took me out on hikes, on flea market strolls, on concerts, who invited me to discuss books over a cup of tea...it felt so good to feel wanted. It felt so good to do 'outside things.' I had one-night stands, I had emotional affairs, I had months-long physical affairs, and each time, it got easier to hide and lie. It almost was like dissociation, as if it wasn't me that cheated on him.
I should have broken up with him, I know, but I didn't have the guts. I thought he'd change, and I thought our relationship was 'inferior' without moving in together and without him proposing. I was so absorbed in this idealistic relationship model that I forgot myself and my morals.”
—Anonymous
14.“I married a 24-year-old when I was 17.”
“This was in the ’90s in the South. He was extremely controlling. We shared one bank account. We both had direct deposit, and he was the only one who could use it. I’d have to ask permission for my own money, and explain why I needed it. I wasn’t allowed to grocery shop. I’d have to perform sexual acts just to hang out with a girlfriend for a couple of hours, etc, etc…
I was so disgusted and broken after 10 years of this. I needed to feel SOMETHING for myself... so I did.
He found out, and still refused to let the marriage end. I lost any hope, and could only view him as a big child after that and knew it was either death or put on my big girl panties and gtfo. I left after two weeks of him finding out, [and] am very proud of myself and who I am now. I do regret my actions for not having more strength, but I’m more gentle on myself now. Therapy helped. I didn’t know any better, and that’s ok.”
—Anonymous
15.“My husband wasn’t there for me when I needed him.”
“I was going through a horrible custody court battle with my ex at the time, and was also in a toxic environment at work. I was being bullied by two people and my inept manager was salary, meaning he was never there to notice, nor take care of the problem. Running the entire department fell on me and another staff member in his absence, along with our regular responsibilities. I would try to talk to my husband about what I was going through in both situations, but he would just tell me that he ‘didn’t want to hear it.’
He would run to help his best friend, or anyone else for that matter, at the drop of a hat, and leave me alone with our six children to keep the house afloat. Just keeping life going with six children is a daunting task, especially doing it alone. He wouldn’t help with any of the house work as he was busy making sure everyone else in his life was taken care of. He is very handy, and was constantly getting phone calls from family/friends to help with various things, which he would never say no to. I would ask him for help but it felt like he would always turn away from me when I needed him. I felt so unbelievably alone in my own marriage. I was overworked in both my day job and life at home as a mom.
I befriended someone at work who would listen to me. That’s all I really felt like I needed, someone to just listen to me. Over several months, it turned into mutual feelings and wound up culminating in one night of passion. I felt horrible about it. I’d never cheated on anyone before, ever. I don’t condone my actions as I should have just left my husband months before. However, if he had been a better husband, I never would have done that.”
—All Alone
16.“Because I knew I could cheat better than him.”
—Anonymous
17.“I was in my early 20s and my relationship had stagnated.”
“We'd been together for about two-and-a-half years, and we just fell into a routine of barely speaking, arguing when we did communicate, and generally avoiding being in the house at the same time. I felt unloved and unattractive. I would go on nights out with my friends, and I would follow any spark of interest that came my way. I was seeking validation with different people, looking for what had disappeared from my life. I put myself in dangerous situations. I wouldn't tell anyone where I was; I would go to places I didn't know with people I didn't know. It was silly, and I didn't have the emotional understanding to have a conversation about our relationship — I was just being selfish. I didn't think he loved me anymore, so I figured I could do whatever I wanted. I don't stand by that thought process, and it's not an excuse, but I've grown up, and I will have the difficult conversation now. I'm not proud of it, but it did teach me a lot about how to treat other people, as well as about myself.”
—Anonymous
18.“Because I was horny all the time, and my husband couldn’t meet all my sexual needs and desires.”
“I started having ongoing sexual affairs with two younger men, who were both willing to try anything sexually I wanted. Both men even brought their sexual fantasies to bed, as well as including threesomes between the three of us that didn’t include my husband. Both lovers also happened to be really well-endowed, which made our encounters even better! Both affairs have been going on now for nearly two years. I recently told my husband everything, and he told me to continue since it meant that he no longer had to hear me constantly begging him for sex all the time!”
—Anonymous
19."I was under the impression that the only way for us to live together, for us to start a life together, was to hurry up and get married."
"We did, and it was a happy marriage until it wasn’t, shortly thereafter.
I realized very quickly that I went from living under one traditional, domesticated, women-do-housework-and-hold-down-a-40-hour-week type of living situation to another without reprieve. I never learned about myself, how to manage challenging situations, manage my emotions, really anything.
My significant other and I struggled, and I felt that they didn’t respect time, personal space, or take on any additional responsibilities when things got challenging. I became depressed and withdrew. I happened to meet the person I cheated with in a friend group, and we formed an emotional connection as we were both experiencing hardships personally.
I still am ashamed. Only after therapy some five-plus years later did I realize I used my partner to get out of a toxic environment. The grief and guilt is something I will never get over, because no one deserves to be treated this way.”
—Anonymous
20.“I got married young, and was never in love with my husband.”
“He was a nice guy, and I knew he would make a great dad. I was so unhappy ALL THE TIME. My life was a lie, and the sex was subpar, at best. I asked for a divorce many times, but he would always find a way to get me to stay. He knew about the affairs. Eventually, it became too much, and I left.”
—Anonymous
21.“Think whatever you would like, [but] I have been married twice. The first time for 20 years, and I’m still married to my second husband.”
“I have had an ongoing affair/relationship for 45 years with the same person. He has been married and in relationships during this time. Yep, it’s leading a double life, we know this. We live in different states, and have lived in different countries. We know each other well; we accept our differences. I can’t explain why.”
—Anonymous
22.“I wanted more attention.”
“My husband has a job that takes up a lot of his time, and I felt lonely. He didn’t make me work (I am trying to be an influencer on TikTok since my singing career as a teen didn’t take off on YouTube). I started by creating a Tinder account just to get some attention from guys, but I met up with a few of them since my husband was always busy working. I wasn’t attracted to my husband anymore, but I liked the lifestyle his work provided for me and didn’t want to give that up. Not a lot of women have a house these days, or the privilege to not have to work. Eventually one of the guys I was hooking up with got me pregnant, I don’t know which one, but my husband thinks it’s his. I can’t tell him any of it for fear of losing my house and lifestyle. And I don’t really feel bad about it, nor do I plan on telling him.”
—Taylor
23.“Basically, it was for the hot gorilla sex.”
“I was married to an emotional desert whose idea of great sex was five minutes and one position. My lover was imaginative and caring, and we spent many stolen hours together. A job transfer ended our seven-year tryst. Not one regret.”
—Anonymous
24.“I cheated on my current boyfriend with my ex-boyfriend while we were three months into our relationship.”
“A week before his birthday, my ex-bf hit me up via email and said, ‘I need to talk to you.’ I was bored, and I was going to break up with my bf anyway. I decided to unblock him, and we spoke. He started crying about how I've changed, and he wanted me back but he was seeing some girl as well. So I decided to tell him we would get back together, and we ended up sleeping together. I led him on to believe this for two days — made him tell his mom (who did not want us to get back together because he was heartbroken for months) and made him break up with the girl he was seeing. I knew I shouldn't have slept with him, but I felt that I still had hatred for how he treated me throughout our relationship and he should feel the same pain, so I had to sell it. Then, I told him I never wanted to get back with him, that I was just playing him, and I blocked him.
My current boyfriend (soon-to-be ex-bf) was, unfortunately, just a bystander in this situation, who has no idea what happened months later. I don't feel too guilty because he didn't treat me the best either, but I know I shouldn't have done it. I have recently started going to therapy, but I knew I wasn't ready for another relationship, and I felt pressured to stay with the current bf.”
—Anonymous
25.“I started sexting an old FWB during the pandemic.”
“We'd send flirty messages and pictures (like a boob shot or a shirtless pic from him). Eventually, we met up to cuddle and make out, but that's as far as we ever went. I cheated because even though my boyfriend found me satisfying, I was starting to realize that I needed variety to be satisfied, and I clicked with him in a romantic way but not necessarily a sexual way. Plus, I had been trying to tell him for months that I needed him to be more willing to plan dates, be more open to going out, and doing what I enjoyed —like how I sucked it up for him with activities he liked, and how I didn't like that he only ever complimented me by saying what he found sexy about me and never my mind or personality or talents. I could get that from someone else.
My boyfriend at the time (and now husband) eventually found out that I was cuddling, making out with, and sexting my old friend. We talked about how I realized I couldn't be satisfied with just one person and how I had been asking him to bring more to the relationship, and he hadn't taken me seriously. He actually understood, despite being hurt. We moved past it and came to the agreement that as long as I was open with him about who else I was seeing and what I was doing, and I only had vaginal sex with him, he was cool with me occasionally hooking up with people we both trusted. Our relationship is stronger now that we figured out what we both needed and how to compromise on it.”
—Emmy
26.“I cheated emotionally and financially, never physically.”
“I was tired of being stuck in a cycle that seemed like it would never improve with my partner. His career was going nowhere, we had no money, and he wasn’t doing much to fix the situation. I was the breadwinner, and made all the plans all the time. It got to a point where I wouldn’t even ask for anything much for [my] birthday or Christmas because he didn’t have much to offer. He had no drive. Looking back, I suppose it was depression. An old time fling crossed my path and I should have stopped it, but it was exciting to speak with someone about traveling, thriving, career success, goals… topics I felt I couldn’t discuss with my partner. Then came the small gifts, then money, and then an expensive gift. I did give a small gift back in return. My partner found out and was completely hurt. He knew, as a man, he felt like he was failing, but was trying to stick it out and be with me through thick and thin, and I couldn’t do the same in return. I felt like a piece of crap. “
—Anonymous
27.“I hadn't even considered cheating. I was so in love with my boyfriend. We moved in together when I was 18.”
“One night, we had an argument, so I went to the jacuzzi in our apartment complex. The one that was more secluded than the main one. I just wanted to be alone.
A guy was there that I recognized from having seen him around the complex. He taught scuba lessons in the pool. I almost left because I wanted to be alone, and him being there meant I wouldn't be. But I thought, ‘f-ck it.’ I was mad and thought maybe talking to someone might be better than just being alone with my anger. He ended up making me laugh and one thing led to another, so we started making out. It was total rage kissing, but it felt good. I gave him a blowjob.
When I went back to our apartment, my boyfriend apologized, and so did I. He had no idea what had happened. We had make-up sex, and with what I had just done fresh on my mind, it was incredible.
So I got away with it, and we had great sex. What was the problem, right? I know, I was immature. I had already made plans to meet up with Scuba Guy again. Now I was set that this was a good thing. He was going to be the second guy I ever had sex with. That didn't turn out to be the case because I wound up having sex with a guy from work. Totally unplanned, but again, when the opportunity arose I knew it couldn't be a bad thing. It led to mind-blowing sex with my boyfriend, too.
This mindset of justifying my cheating (I didn't even think of it as cheating because I said to myself that we weren't married, after all) took me into the arms of five other men, including Scuba Guy.
My boyfriend did find out and was crushed. The relationship didn't last, of course, and I understood that I was the problem. I had a brief live-in relationship with another guy where he cheated, so I did, too. Now, I'm back home living with my mom, and happy to try and fix myself before I ever try another relationship again.”
—Morgan
28.“Why was I unfaithful to my husband? Because of his own behavior.”
“He had no respect for me, and would routinely come home drunk after spending hours at the bar after his shift at work ended. He would treat me like I was his enemy, calling me a whore and constantly telling me how worthless I was — me, the mother of his two children. Finally, after years of abuse, I took my sexuality into my own hands and had an affair with a neighbor who treated me with decency. Because of him, my confidence grew and I understood how beautiful I was physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I found the courage to leave and never looked back. My lover moved on as well, and I’ll always be grateful to him for his kindness.”
—RebFem
29.And finally, “Met a guy online, and began a relationship that lasted two years.”
“Been married for 26 years. ‘John’ is a younger 28, and I am 43 years old. I guess I cheated because of the excitement of something new. I felt like my husband had forgotten about me and our marriage. We are parents to two girls. I felt like our marriage came second, and we forgot that our marriage was also important. ‘John’ gave me the attention I craved.”
—Anonymous
