20 Ways Women Healed From Toxic Relationships And Bad Breakups That Are Actually Inspiring Me To Better My Life

Recently, I decided to ask women in our very own BuzzFeed Community how they healed from their bad breakups or toxic relationships. Their answers were genuinely so sweet, inspiring, and grounding that I had to share. So, here are some of their best answers:

1."I just listened to Heart of Glass and I Will Survive on repeat, and leaned on support from my best friend and sister, both of whom did not like him at all. He was a creep and an asshole and I'm SO much better off without him."

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2."I started painting. My passion and my angst and all my other emotions came through in my wild abstract paintings, and soon I was accepting commissions!!!"

A person joyfully paints at a table with colored pencils, wearing a vibrant scarf. A potted plant and a glass of water are on the table

3."My first relationship ended in December of 2020, and to be honest, I still haven’t healed. I was so young and so unprepared for the emotional healing that was required of me to be able to become a stable, present partner. I realize now that because of past trauma, I wanted someone who could 'save' me and take care of me in ways that weren’t reasonable to ask of anyone."

Woman sits on a couch hugging a pillow in a dimly lit room, surrounded by candles

4."10-year abusive marriage behind me. I took so much joy in decorating my new place, [and] everything in it is something that makes me or my son happy (including our two new cats.) [It's] my space of peace with candles, string lights, plants galore, only things I love."

Cozy living room with a sofa, scattered cushions, plants, a projector, and string lights creating a warm atmosphere

5."It took time to heal from my toxic relationship. I was broken and beaten down, and I didn't know who I was anymore, and the only things that helped were time and getting to know who I was again."

Two women in activewear stretch their legs against a wall while talking. One wears a white tank top and pink shorts, the other a red top and green leggings

6."I joined a sorority on campus, making new friends and being as involved as possible. It gave me the comfort of knowing that you can be loved, even if it was in a platonic way. Those girls showed me how to properly love myself and that I was worth more than that relationship."

Person with "KΔ" painted on their cheek, smiling beside another person. Casual scene with one person whispering
Philip Gould / Getty Images

7."I went on a lyrical detox. Neither proud or ashamed to admit that this hit extremely hard as a maladaptive daydreamer. I had to rebrand my mind and body as this super exclusive club where mindfulness acts as the best bouncer in the game."

Person in a judge's robe holding a gavel, looking thoughtful
Person in a judge's robe holding a gavel, looking thoughtful
A person in a judge's robe holds a gavel, seated at a desk in a setting resembling a courtroom
A person in a judge's robe holds a gavel, seated at a desk in a setting resembling a courtroom

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"It’s been helpful in the sense that my world is more reflected in what it is that I’m consuming but damn if I don’t miss my sad girl music…

Eat it, Richard. You know what you did. Then again, maybe it was just a Tuesday for you."

—Anonymous

8."I went to law school and became a completely different person — a much healthier one if you can believe it! Now, as a lawyer, I don't have the time or energy to tolerate men who treat me badly, are unsupportive, or are 'secretly' misogynistic."

A professional meeting with three women in formal attire discussing documents around a wooden table in a conference room

9."I healed with 100% no-contact and deep research on toxic/abusive/narcissistic relationships so I could really understand what I had been through in a logical way."

"I used podcasts, videos, and books to get a full picture so I could stop blaming myself for getting into the relationship in the first place or for not leaving sooner.

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There is so much to these dynamics that I would have never believed existed even as a highly educated, successful woman. Knowing the facts helps me continue to pull myself out of the emotions I feel and remind myself that yes, it was as bad as I remember and no, he will never change."

—Anonymous

10."If you’re still married, hire a great lawyer — don’t use years of manipulation and negging from your asshole spouse as a reason to downplay your worth. And then, listen to the lawyer. It will go against your gut because your intuition’s been compromised, but the money you get from the split can then be used to hire a great therapist."

Two people sitting at a table, one writing on a paper with a pen, surrounded by electronic devices and documents

—Anonymous

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11."I went to therapy, looked at my family relationships to figure out if there were similarities between my ex and their behaviors (and there were), and worked on my boundaries —emotional, physical, and energetic."

Two people are seated on a couch. One is writing in a notebook, while the other gestures mid-conversation

12."My toxic relationship ended almost 14 years ago. Initially, healing felt easy because I could finally be myself again, not constantly bending over backward to please my partner. I felt liberated. The only way I felt any lasting impact was my newly developed allergy to any kind of manipulative BS."

Person writing in a notebook at a table, partially out of focus

13."I let myself feel the full range of my emotions —betrayal, anger, grief, sadness— and I gave myself grace when I missed him."

Two women practice Pilates on reformer machines, stretching their arms and focusing on core exercise in a bright studio with mirrors

14."I had to keep asking myself what he contributed. We were together for five years and I was madly in love with him, but one day he told me he wanted to be in a relationship where he wasn’t emotionally or physically attached to me — he basically soft-dumped me."

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Person with curly hair, wearing a dark jacket, appears thoughtful and focused in an indoor setting
Person with curly hair wearing a dark jacket, looking thoughtful. Indoors with blurred background
Person with curly hair wearing a dark jacket, looking thoughtful. Indoors with blurred background

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"When I thought back, I only thought about what I did wrong. I asked myself finally what he really contributed to the relationship, and it was, astonishingly, nothing.

I paid the bills, I was the only person who drove, I carried the emotional weight, I did the household chores. He would just get high every night and spiral into depression every week, and nothing I did helped.

I felt less horrible about being 'abandoned' when I realized I had lost nothing. He just wanted me to feel like I had."

—Anonymous

15."I systematically reclaimed all the places and activities that I thought of as 'ours,' did all the things I wouldn't do because of how he would react, and blocked him on everything."

A woman with long hair smiles softly, wearing a headband and ruffled-collar top, sitting outdoors

16."Got a tattoo, started eating foods he wouldn’t let me eat, and fell in love with my now-fiance, who is the complete opposite of the narcissistic ass I was once with. It was my first relationship, and I thought those things were normal."

A woman with a butterfly tattoo on her shoulder is looking in a mirror, touching her face

—Anonymous

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17."It’s been almost two years since my first and worst toxic relationship ended. I thought this would be a wound that time would heal, but it hasn’t. I’ve learned that you can’t rush the healing process."

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"I've learned to show yourself kindness and grace, that stepping back into the dating world when you’re ready helps, and it’s OK if you discover that you were not quite ready, just be honest with yourself.

I began prioritizing my own wants and needs almost to the point where it felt selfish, but it’s what I needed to do after feeling neglected for so long. I’ve spent these last two years pouring that love I was missing back into myself and doing things that bring me joy again!"

—Anonymous

18."I was with a very emotionally abusive guy for several years before I finally found my worth. I got his name tattooed on the bottom of my heel, so I quite literally walked him off. Very healing."

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—Anonymous

HBO

19.I was with someone very toxic and emotionally distant for two-and-a-half years, and I didn't even realize how deeply toxic they were until almost three years after the breakup."

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20.And finally: "I was in a bad relationship a few years ago. I never should have dated him; it was a rollercoaster of red flags that I happily ignored. I finally got up the nerve to end things after I changed careers."

Delicate Arch at sunset in Arches National Park, Utah. The landscape features natural rock formations and expansive views
Delicate Arch at sunset in Arches National Park, Utah. The landscape features natural rock formations and expansive views
The Statue of Liberty against a clear blue sky, focusing on the torch and crown details
The Statue of Liberty against a clear blue sky, focusing on the torch and crown details

Mark Brodkin Photography / Getty Images, Grant Faint / Getty Images

"For the first time in my life, I had a job that was really fulfilling and made me happy. I had to travel for work and was gone for weeks at a time, which made me realize how much happier I was when I was away from him.

After the breakup, I threw myself into work. I traveled all across America and was able to stay out for months at a time. I got weekends off, so I got to see so much, and it was amazing!

I spent two years pretty much traveling full-time. Honestly, they were some of the best years of my life. I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I grew so confident, realized my worth, and got to see so much of America, all because I took a job on a whim."

—Anonymous

Let me know what you think in the comments below. If you have any of your own stories about healing from a toxic relationship, feel free to share your story!

Or, if you want to write in but prefer to stay anonymous, you can check out this anonymous Google form. Who knows — your story may end up in an upcoming BuzzFeed article.

Some responses may have been edited for length and/or clarity.