Yahoo Lifestyle "I'm So Sick Of Being The Only One Who Does This": Women Are Getting Brutally Honest About What They Wish More Men Would Do
If you've ever fallen into a toilet in the middle of the night, you're probably a woman who lives with a man. Men don't all have the same issues and struggles, of course, but because of the way different genders are socialized, certain little behaviors and habits tend to pop up. So recently, women on Reddit shared some changes they wish more men would make, and honestly, I agreed with so much of what they had to say. Here are some of the top comments:
1."See us as actual people! Not laborers, not child pushers, not sex objects, just as people."
2."Chores, and without asking what needs to be done or acting like it's a favor. Be the secretary of your own life. Stop piling invisible labor onto those around you. Anticipate your partner's needs rather than waiting for them to ask. Women do this constantly, and men often seem oblivious."
3."Work on their emotional intelligence."
—u/MSMIT0
4."Giving non-sexual compliments. The majority of compliments we get are about looks, so being appreciated for other attributes like your cleverness is really impactful."
5."Hygiene, simple. I’m tired of smelling men who smell musty or overpowering cologne. IT DOESN’T HURT TO WASH YOUR ASS AND TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE CLEAN!"
6."Go to therapy. Be curious about how you can grow and heal. Figure out what makes your partner feel loved and prioritize that. Quality time, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation. Whatever it is, figure out how to provide that to the person in your life."
7."Put the toilet seat down, lol."
8."Support the career of the woman in your life, and don't expect her to build her career around whatever is convenient for you and yours. Share parenting duties 50/50 with your partner, or if one is a stay-at-home parent, recognize that they need breaks and acknowledge the invaluable unpaid labor they provide. Some men do these things, but too often, I see these things neglected by men."
9."The fucking dishes. I’m so god damn sick of being the only one who does the dishes."
10."Randomly surprise me with flowers or just small thoughtful gestures."
11."Just admitting or even recognizing when THEY are contributing to or causing a problem with an interpersonal relationship. Just because someone who disagrees with you is capitulating doesn't mean you're in the right or that they even agree with you. That person may just feel like if they didn't let you win, you'd behave in a way that makes them feel unsafe, get talked down to, or it may end up that they get framed as the sole obstructionist keeping things from getting done just for trying to express a concern or an opinion."
—u/cdcrocks
12."Understand we don’t necessarily want grand gestures of romance, just a tiny thoughtful thing that shows they thought of us in a warm way during the day is enough. A kind word or an unexpected compliment can have us curled up with happiness (the bar is on the floor, guys). My boyfriend once said, 'You’re a real trooper, you know,' (I go out in terrible weather and climb with him and belay him), and that compliment delighted me for months. So not true to call us high maintenance when we are that easy to please."
—u/penguinsouth
13."Text back in a timely manner."
—u/crazekki
14."Stop thinking that just because a woman says hello in passing that she 'wants you.' Also, be able to handle being told NO and not make a woman feel like her life is on the line. If you offer to pay for something and she says no, just move on. Stop taking a NO as a personal attack on you. Also, call out your friends when they are clearly harassing a woman or just being a jerk in general to anyone and tell them to stop."
15."'Women are nags.' Have you ever stopped to think the things that we nag you about are shit that you SHOULD BE DOING ON YOUR OWN ACCORD? Men don't nag cause they don't SEE. They don't see the dirty clothes on the floor. They don't SEE that they need to go to therapy. They don't SEE that their lack of emotional intelligence is trash. OPEN YOUR GODDAM EYES, and you'll wonder why I didn't nag more."
16."Understand that keeping women is harder than the leadup to sex. Most men put all of their energy into that leadup, and as soon as it happens, the effort drops off. There are few things more jarring and infuriating than waking up to a different person than you went to bed with. I'll immediately break up with a person who is noticeably different after that landmark, even if they're not actually a bad fit. It's just so jarring and feels super disrespectful. I don't even mean buy me flowers and wear a suit on every date. That's ridiculous. Just... don't stop trying to get to know me or having deep conversations with me because you think you have unlimited access. You don't."
—u/Orual309
17."Putting effort into their relationships! Not just the romantic ones but also friendships and familial bonds. Reaching out to people, setting aside time to spend with them, remembering important dates and getting appropriate gifts, all those ways of showing you appreciate them. I wish men valued the people they have in their lives more and put time and energy into nurturing those bonds. They would be less lonely if they did."
18."Vote for candidates that support women and their rights. Try to understand the experience of women. Take note of the dynamics of meetings at work and elsewhere, and try to see if you notice who is talking the most. If it seems unbalanced, try to understand how you can be a better ally to those who may not have the same privileges as you. Please read books/listen to podcasts that explore emotions, growth, relationships, women's issues, racism and sexism, philosophy, etc., and I don't mean Joe Rogan. Men have a lot of privilege and seem so oblivious to what others struggle with sometimes."
19.And finally, "To not be afraid of telling the truth. Working on their own issues and knowing their own self worth so they can be trusted partners. It sucks when I date a man for years only to make them a better man for another woman."
—u/Skywoman_87
Is there anything you would add to the conversation? Share your thoughts in the comments!
