What Is a 'Shut Up Ring?' Woman Explains How Her Ex's Proposal Didn't Fix Their Flawed Relationship (Exclusive)

In a now-viral TikTok, Monica Millington shared that she was still unhappy with her now ex-husband, even after they finally married

• Monica Millington opened up on TikTok about how she was given a "shut up ring" by her ex-husband, meaning she believes he proposed to quiet her concerns about their relationship

• The content creator — who is now remarried — explained how she soon realized getting married didn't fix the basic issues in their partnership, which eventually led to their divorce

• Millington spoke to PEOPLE about why she shared her experience in a viral TikTok video, which currently has more than 3.8 million views on the app

Monica Millington separated from her ex-husband after two-and-a-half years of marriage, but she says she had a crucial epiphany a few weeks after their wedding: Millington realized that she was given what she calls a "shut up ring."

The influencer explained the concept and detailed her own experience in a TikTok tell-all that's reached 3.8 million viewers on the app. Millington was in a long-distance relationship with her ex before they got engaged. In her video, she recalled her concerns about the future of their partnership. It wasn't clear when they would live in the same place, for example, but she believed his commitment would solve everything.

Her ex's eventual proposal helped quiet her doubts about their overall dynamic, and she was able to reassure herself that the relationship would improve when they moved to be together and when they got married. But when "the wedding bliss" was over, Millington realized she wasn't any happier with him.

"As soon as the dust settled, I realized the ring, the proposal, the marriage, the wedding — none of that changed anything," she shared in the video. "We still had all the exact same problems that we had before."

Related: Man, 83, in Tears After He Surprises 22-Month-Old Neighbor for First Day of Preschool Sendoff (Exclusive)

Millington — who has since remarried — tells PEOPLE she first heard the term "shut up ring" on social media, specifically from therapist content creators who point out the signs of a disingenuous proposal. Even eight years after her divorce, the sentiment resonates deeply with Millington. Looking back on her former relationship, her perspective has shifted in line with the concept.

"It felt like he was just appeasing me to get me to stop asking, wondering, pushing the relationship, whatever it was," she says. "All without saying 'shut up ring,' that's exactly how I felt about it. And that's upon reflection with my friends, family and my [current] husband. That's exactly how I would've described it."

The toddler mom recognizes that her concerns and questions were really just red flags, though at the time she thought she was just "trying to push my relationship forward."

"It's like, 'Where is this going? Are we going to get married? Is there a future here? What's the plan?' And so you start instilling this pressure on the relationship without really knowing why it's happening," she tells PEOPLE. "I got a ring to get me to stop asking and stop whining about it.'"

Related: A Bride Wanted to Get Married at Her Childhood Home, Her Dad Works for a Year to Turn It Into Her 'Dream Wedding Venue' (Exclusive)

But the ring wasn't the only pacifier Millington received in her previous marriage. In her viral TikTok video, she said that more "shut up moves" started happening toward the end of the relationship, when she voiced her dissatisfaction and moved toward getting a divorce. Speaking with PEOPLE, Millington remembers her husband's inconsistent attempts to salvage their partnership.

" 'I need you to tell me I'm pretty' — that happened for about a week," she says, listing some of the needs she communicated to her then-husband. " 'I need you to buy me flowers' — that probably happened once or twice. Or 'I need you to go to therapy' — we talked about it but it never actually ended up happening."

Once she noticed that his efforts weren't sticking, she decided their marriage was over.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. 

Millington describes her content as "big sis advice." She clarifies to PEOPLE that she doesn't want to come off as someone with solutions to everything, but she's happy to talk about her own mistakes and life lessons so followers can join in the conversation. "It's like, 'Let's share experiences. Let's talk about the hard things. Let's also have a little bit of humor about it,' " she explains.

And not all "shut up" situations look completely alike, she notes. Millington has seen other TikTokers sharing horror stories about people behaving poorly at their own weddings or outwardly mistreating their partners, telltale signs their hearts aren't in a marriage.

Related: Is Viral Tradwife Serious? From Making Paper to Cereal, 'There's Nothing Fake' in Extreme Videos, She Says (Exclusive)

She hopes her story can help women see the more subtle signs: "They're not all these jerks shoving cake into your face," she says.

Plus, her own experience speaks to the simple, relatable reality of making mistakes in love and life. Like many of viewers may be, Millington says she was "young and inexperienced" when she married her ex.

"I maybe didn't know what else was out there, especially like my husband today, I didn't know that that kind of man existed," the Singapore-based creator says.

"It's also about empowering women to take ownership of their relationship trajectory ... I'm very open about like, I shouldn't have pushed for something that I didn't need or that wasn't right for me. I shouldn't have thought the only end goal is to marry this person," Millington continues. "I wish I would've taken a step back and looked at the whole thing, like, 'Wow, is this really what I want? Do I really want a man who's just tolerating me and abiding me?' "

For more People news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter!

Read the original article on People.