Routine vs No Routine

Rachel's structured routine keeps Claire, three, and Jacob, one, settled and helps her run two home-based businesses.

My mother was a big believer in a structured routine for children. She told me that it makes kids feel safe when they know what’s coming next. I grew up in a routine-filled household, so I guess routine became a part of who I am.

When Claire, now three, was born I had an almost ‘military’ style with her. Even as a baby she knew when to expect breakfast, playtime and lunchtime, she loved her daily routine. My one-year-old, Jacob, just fell into my routine with Claire, and I now plan our days with both of them knowing exactly what happens at certain times.

To achieve everything I want, our routine is essential. I run two busy home-based businesses, so I plan time for work, feeding, sleeping, playing and TV. These days my routine isn’t planned with military precision, but there is still solid structure that the family understands and respects.

Without a routine it would be impossible to run my businesses, enjoy the kids, spend time with my husband and keep the house clean.

Routine gives me boundaries. I love working, and if I didn’t set a time to not work I’d be doing it all day and night. I have to be able to look at the clock and say “time’s up!” and then move on to the next thing. A routine also teaches the kids to respect the fact I have other things to do besides play with them all day. Sometimes the wheels fall off my structured wagon, and when they do it becomes ‘just one of those days’. If I have a tonne of work I’ll extend my hours outside of what I have planned. In this case it’s not the kids that suffer, as I still set them up with activities, but the house ends up looking like a bomb went off in it! When the kids are sick I keep to the same routine, even if I have one of them sitting on my lap while I work, and our play activities are quieter and more relaxed on those days.

Structure works well in our family because it allows the kids to know exactly what’s going to happen and when. It also allows me to keep achieving my goals in life. When I had kids I wanted to spend time with them, but I also had goals for myself that I could never let go of. The routine I have created allows me the opportunity to have both.

For Michelle's family, travelling the world means there’s no routine for Emilia, nine, and Matthew, four.

I love the ‘go with the flow’ way of life. My husband Matt and I, and our two children, Emilia, nine, and Matthew, four, are on a working holiday in Cusco, Peru. We are planning a road trip
of between 12 to 24 months from Peru to Canada, and we intend to just ‘wing it’. We came to Peru for a three-month holiday and decided to stay, so life just had to fit in around it. For the kids’ education, we vary between home school, no school and traditional methods when we feel like it. We don’t have set bedtimes; the kids go to sleep and wake up when they feel like it. We don’t even have a set meal time. In fact, sometimes we just eat when we feel like it so we don’t sit down for an evening meal together. There is no consistency or pattern to any day.

I think our approach allows the kids to make some of their own decisions and handle the consequences that come with them. Emilia loves getting on Minecraft Homeschool and building things, and this can go on into the wee hours of the morning. If we have to do something in the morning then she has to understand that staying up late will affect her ability the next day. We still discipline our children if they’re misbehaving, but they don’t get in trouble if they stay up late or want to miss a day of school. I have days where I don’t feel like working, so I don’t.

I don’t want to enforce things on the children that don’t have to occur. We may not have a set schedule, but we understand that certain processes need to happen to make life easier for us. My husband and I need to have a bit of give and take between us and we share the responsibility in our haphazard lifestyle. Sometimes we aren’t prepared for certain things, but I think even if we did live a life that was set in routines and structure that would still be the case.

I get that our lifestyle wouldn’t work for everyone, but we love it. It allows us all to be present in every opportunity that comes along. We grab the bull by the horns and run with it. If we were too locked into a structure or routine every day we would miss so much of what is happening around us. Life is meant to be lived.