People Who Weren’t Close to Their Siblings in Childhood Often Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

There’s an unspoken magic that siblings often share—a kind of bond that makes you feel like they truly get you in a way no one else can. The connection between kids who grow up under the same roof can be undeniable and forged through shared experiences, laughs, mutual support and steadfast loyalty that can continue to grow stronger over time.

However, not every child experiences this type of tight knit relationship with their brothers and sisters growing up. For some, the connection may be strained by family dynamics, life events, different interests, age gaps, rivalry, or misunderstanding. In those cases when one lacks closeness with their siblings as children, it can end up affecting them as they grow up and result in certain traits they have as adults.

To learn more about what those qualities can be, we reached out to psychologists Dr. Patricia Dixon, Dr. Caitlin Slavens and Dr. Jaime Zuckerman. They not only share insight on characteristics that stem from siblings not being close during childhood, but they also reveal ways you can work on yourself to overcome some of those behaviors as well as ways you can try to heal your relationship with your now grown-up brothers or sisters if you’d like a better connection with them now that you’re both older. Check out everything they say below. By doing so, you’ll have new tools you can use to better yourself and the bonds you have with your siblings.

Related: What Your Sibling Birth Order Reveals About Your Personality Traits (Even if You're an Only Child)

12 Common Traits of People Who Weren’t Close to Their Siblings as Kids, According to Psychologists

1. Difficulty Being Vulnerable

“Without a close sibling to confide in as children, individuals might struggle to express their true feelings. This inability to be vulnerable can carry into adulthood, hindering open communication in relationships,” Dixon says.

Related: People Who Were Told They Were 'Too Sensitive' as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

2. Social Anxiety

“Adults who grew up being distant from their siblings may experience heightened social anxiety. This could stem from a lack of social interactions and skills typically developed through close sibling relationships, leaving them unsure about navigating social settings,” Dixon tells Parade.

3. Difficulty Trusting

“An adult can have a sense of guardedness if they had a distrust towards a sibling growing up and potential mistrust in others if they had been significantly betrayed by their sibling when they were children,” Zuckerman says.

Slavens agrees, adding, “Without such a foundation, trusted friends or romantic partners might seem riskier, confusing, or take longer to develop as an adult.”

Dixon further explains, telling Parade, “Siblings often serve as our first friends, and a lack of closeness during childhood can create a foundation of mistrust. This can extend to other relationships, making it challenging to form meaningful connections with others.”

Related: 13 Things Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying to a Middle Child

4. Teamwork Struggles

“If a person’s childhood didn’t include things like negotiating shared chores with your siblings or hatching mischievous plots to cover up what you’re up to with them, the idea of teamwork as an adult can feel odd,” Slavens reveals. “Unfortunately, group dynamics can feel confusing without that early practice kids often get when they have close sibling relationships.”

5. Introversion

“Many who grew up without close sibling ties may develop introverted tendencies. They might prefer smaller gatherings or solitude over larger social interactions, feeling less comfortable in the spotlight,” Dixon expresses.

Slavens adds that a person’s shyness as an adult may make them a more private person in general. “A preference for privacy may develop thanks to them not having the constant ‘What are you doing?’ growing up and ‘Can I come too?’ questions from siblings if they weren’t close to their brother or sister and it can encourage a keen sense of boundaries.”

Related: People Who Moved at Least Once During Childhood Usually Develop These 10 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

6. Competitiveness

“A person can be very competitive as an adult if they were raised in the type of environment where they were constantly compared to their siblings and they were not close to each other in childhood,” Zuckerman shares.

7. Lack of Empathy

“Growing up without a close sibling bond can hinder the development of empathy,” Dixon notes. “Without shared experiences and emotional exchanges, individuals may struggle to understand and relate to the feelings of others, impacting their emotional connections in adulthood.”

Related: 12 Phrases Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Saying to an Oldest Child

8. Insecure Attachment Style

“A distant sibling relationship during childhood can lead to insecure attachment styles in adulthood, meaning individuals might develop anxious or avoidant tendencies, fearing closeness or abandonment in their relationships,” Dixon explains.

9. Sensitivity to Criticism and Lack of Playfulness

“Growing up without experiencing the jabs or constructive criticism siblings often provide when you’re close to one another, may make some people feel less prepared to manage that kind of scrutiny as adults,” Slavens says. “Sibling relationships build resilience by teaching children not to take every comment to heart. Siblings often foster a sense of fun, silliness and spontaneity that may not necessarily be as strong without siblings. Adults who haven’t experienced this dynamic may feel less comfortable in certain social settings because of this.”

Related: People Who Felt Constantly Overlooked as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

10. Fear of Rejection

“If individuals weren't close to their siblings when they were children and felt rejected by them in childhood, this fear can persist into adulthood,” Dixon says. “They may go to great lengths to avoid situations that could lead to rejection, often compromising their own needs in the process.”

11. Hyper-Independence

“Someone who grew up without close-knit siblings might have learned to just depend and lean on themselves when times are tough,” Slaven states. “While this can be a strength, it can make it more challenging to ask for help or lean on others when needed.”

12. Feelings of Inadequacy

“A lack of closeness with siblings growing up can foster feelings of inadequacy. Because of this, individuals may internalize the belief that they were not enough for their siblings, which can negatively impact their self-esteem in adulthood,” Dixon tells Parade.

Related: 12 Phrases Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents to Stop Saying to a Youngest Child

3 Ways To Work on Yourself if You Weren’t Close to Your Siblings in Childhood

1. Reflect on Yourself

If you’re interested in working on yourself, our experts say it’s important to start by looking within yourself.

“Engaging in introspection is crucial for understanding the roots of the sibling relationship’s distance. By reflecting on your own contributions and external factors, individuals can gain clarity and avoid unnecessary self-blame,” Dixon points out.

Related: People Who Were 'Spoiled' as Children Usually Develop These 16 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

2. Develop and Maintain Deep Friendships

Being open to having close friendships as an adult that are sibling-like, can help you work on underlying issues caused by not being close to your own sibling growing up.

“Friendship can be a surrogate sibling relationship, allowing adults to practice vulnerability, trust, and shared memories,” Slaven explains. “Investing in these connections by showing up, being present, listening with empathy, and offering help. While friendships don’t simply fill the void—they allow for learning and growth opportunities that sibling dynamics might have when you were young.”

3. Go To Therapy

You don’t have to work on yourself alone. Reaching out for help is highly encouraged. “I would suggest therapy if a person feels their lack of closeness with their sibling has significantly impacted their current relationships or life,” Zuckerman says.

Slavens says therapy can help in many ways, telling Parade, “A therapist can assist you in unpacking how your childhood dynamics play out in your adult relationships. They can also direct you toward identifying and shifting patterns that don’t serve you anymore, such as struggling to trust others or holding onto resentment,

Dixon adds, “Pursuing therapy can be transformative and can provide an objective perspective on childhood dynamics, helping individuals process their feelings and develop strategies to address any unresolved emotions regarding their sibling relationship.”

Related: 9 Ways To Begin Your Emotional Regulation Journey as an Adult, According to a Licensed Therapist

6 Tips for Healing

1. Be Open

According to the psychologists, not being closed off to reconnecting to your sibling is a good step toward healing.

“Take small positive steps to begin,” Slaven recommends. “It won’t repair overnight, so start with small gestures. Send a text, ask them to go for coffee, or bring up a funny childhood memory. These small steps signal that you’re open to re-establish the connection without overwhelming either of you.”

“Approach your sibling with an open mind and share your perspective on childhood as well as be receptive to hearing theirs, even if their views differ from your own,” Dixon explains. “This openness can facilitate a deeper understanding.”

2. Acknowledge the Past Without Getting Stuck in It

“If there is residual tension or unresolved hurt about the lack of closeness with your sibling, broach it gently when appropriate,” Slaven proposes.

She says there’s one statement she advises you to use when doing this. “To communicate your feelings, say something such as, ‘I wish we had been closer growing up,” instead of blaming them. Recognizing the past can help parties acknowledge.”

Dixon says you also have to be willing to admit your part in why you weren’t close as well. “Be willing to acknowledge your role in the relationship’s dynamics,” she notes. “Accepting responsibility for your actions can pave the way for healing and improved communication.”

Related: People Who Were Introverted as Children Usually Develop These 11 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

3. Be Willing To Forgive

Another step involves having an open heart. “If your sibling expresses sincere regret for past actions, be open to forgiveness,” Dixon suggests. “This willingness can help mend wounds and foster a healthier relationship moving forward.”

4. Help Avoid It From Repeating

If you have children of your own, helping make sure they have a close relationship with each other might also help you heal yourself. “Try to instill in your own children the values and behaviors consistent with building healthy sibling relationships,” Zuckerman instructs.

Related: Individuals Who Grew Up as 'People-Pleasers' Usually Develop These 12 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

5. Be Patient and Consistent

Don’t put a timestamp on things. “Healing is a process, and it won’t be quick, especially if you and your sibling have been living far apart for some time as adults,” Slaven makes clear.

However, she says putting in effort can help heal your relationship as adults. “Keep making those small, meaningful gestures—sending a birthday card, reaching out when times are tough, just consistently being there and showing up is important,” she shares.

6. Develop a Plan for Moving Forward With Your Sibling

You need to think about your future relationship with your siblings. “While you cannot change the past, you can shape your future. Discuss and communicate your vision for the relationship with your sibling, setting intentions for how you wish to connect moving forward,” Dixon encourages.

Up Next:

Related: What Your Sibling Birth Order Reveals About Your Love Language, According to Psychologists

Sources

• Dr. Patricia Dixon, psychologist

• Dr. Caitlin Slavens, psychologist

• Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, psychologist