Yahoo Lifestyle People Who Were Considered 'Strong-Willed' as Children Often Develop These 10 Traits as Adults
Parenting a strong-willed child can be quite the trip.
"A strong-willed child is a child who exhibits a high degree of independence, persistence, and determination, often with a distinct desire to make their own choices," explains Dr. Molly Burrets, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. "These children tend to resist external control or direction and prefer to be driven by their own thoughts and desires. Strong-willed children are known for their resilience and drive."
Unpacking further, "resilience and drive" may sound like desirable traits to develop and carry into adulthood. Dr. Burrets says they can be, but of course, no one is perfect.
"Strong-willed people are often passionate and unafraid to stand up for themselves, which can be valuable in adulthood for leadership, problem-solving and achieving personal goals," she continues. "However, strong-willed people can also sometimes be seen as oppositional or stubborn, especially when their views conflict with authority."
A little self-awareness can go a long way in helping formerly strong-willed children embrace their strengths and work on their weaknesses. Dr. Burrets and three other psychologists share common traits that people who were strong-willed as children usually have as adults, as well as ways to manage undesirable behaviors.
Related: People Who Were Told They Were 'Too Sensitive' as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
10 Common Traits of People Considered 'Strong-Willed' as Kids, According to Psychologists
1. Strong leaders
Strong-willed kids may display natural leadership abilities early on, so don't be surprised if one goes on to rise the ranks and score a corner office.
"They are good at coming up with their own ideas and are confident in taking charge," explains Dr. Dakari Quimby, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist for HelpGuide Handbook. "Children who are confident when they are young are not afraid to take the lead, and this usually continues into adulthood."
2. Effective communicators
Solid communication skills are important in and outside of the office. The confidence that makes strong-willed kids is also behind this positive trait.
"A determined child is probably an effective communicator because they’re inherently confident when it comes to expressing themselves," says Dr. Catherine Nobile, Psy.D., a psychologist and owner and director of Nobile Psychology in New York. "They are assertive in the sense that they are willing to chat even if the topic is difficult or painful."
3. Willingness to challenge authority
Strong-willed kids-turned-adults know injustice when they see it.
"Strong-willed kids are particularly sensitive to perceived injustices and often react strongly to situations they see as unfair," Dr. Burrets says. "This evolves into a strong moral compass and empathy for others as they mature. In relationships, they may be advocates for fairness and equity."
Dr. Denitrea Vaughan, Psy.D., LPC, of Thriveworks, agrees. Formerly strong-willed kids aren't afraid to challenge the police for wrongly pulling them over or a supervisor for calling them out in a meeting over a mistake they had nothing to do with, Dr. Vaughan explains.
4. Authority issues
The willingness to challenge authority can have pros and cons. While standing up to injustice is necessary, constantly going against the grain has its cons.
"This could come from their childhood tendency to question everything," Dr. Quimby says. "It can show in structured environments like schools or offices. It can be difficult for adults to take orders from other adults if you grew up as a strong-willed child."
5. Strong focus
Dr. Nobile says strong-willed kids go after what they want.
"This perseverance keeps them going through setbacks and defeats, pushing past obstacles that would be barriers for others," she says. "They are very much focused on getting the job done, thus forming strategies and plans for the things that matter and solving the problem in a proactive way."
Related: 22 Surprising Habits That Make You 'Instantly Unlikable,' Psychologists Warn
6. Definitive decision-making
This drive and focus can also cause strong-willed kids to turn into adults who don't need long or much advice before making definitive decisions.
"Used to making choices for themselves, strong-willed children grow into adults who are comfortable taking charge and making quick decisions," Dr. Burrets explains. "They’re often the ones to step up and lead or take action in uncertain situations."
7. Independence
Strong-willed children may resist helicopter parenting because they're eager to do things independently. Dr. Nobile says this desire for independence can carry into adulthood, and these folks will often problem-solve before seeking help.
8. Selective hearing
Being so hyper-focused on a goal or desire has pitfalls.
"Selective hearing may look like they don’t hear you when discussing what has nothing to do with what they are focused on," Dr. Vaughan shares. "Selective hearing may develop due to being conditioned to get stuck in their own thought process and struggle with mental flexibility or cognitive shift."
9. Intense emotions
Strong-willed kids can have deep emotions, a trait that might not stop when they hit adulthood.
"They may express and feel their emotions very strongly, which can be good for some but sometimes too overwhelming," Dr. Quimby says. "This could be from having problems processing emotions as children because of wanting to feel or act a certain way."
10. Competitive
Strong-willed kids can develop into adults who love a good competition (and create one where there isn't one).
"They grow up to be very competitive, which is probably from personal standards and goals," Dr. Quimby explains. "This can be both motivating and stressful in team settings, making it occasionally difficult to work with others."
How To Work on Negative Traits From a Strong-Willed Childhood
1. Make extra effort to pay attention and be considerate of others
Dr. Vaughan says this one is especially important (but challenging) for people with selective hearing. While remaining hyper-focused on a specific goal or objective can yield success, it can also cause problems in relationships and at work because people don't feel heard or cared for, she warns.
"If you’re in the middle of a project at work, and your coworker asks you to help with something, let them know when you’ll have a second to take a look at what they need help with," she continues. "Similarly, if your partner is trying to share something with you while you’re focused on another activity, make time to communicate with them."
According to Dr. Vaughan, you can tell it would be helpful to let you get to a stopping point on your current task so you can give them your undivided attention.
2. Tone down stubbornness and strong opinions when necessary
A firm conviction can help you push for a fairer workplace and world, and a desire for structure can make you a master at getting things done. However, Dr. Vaughan says extreme stubbornness and an unwillingness to consider other perspectives can create blind spots.
"See where your stubbornness is having an impact on your relationships, and make an effort to hear other perspectives and points of view," she explains. "This isn’t saying you should compromise on your morals or values, but being willing to hear someone out and learn how to work better with others can make a big difference."
3. Practice patience
Dr. Burrets says strong-willed children and adults often want things to move at their pace, which can cause impatience and frustration. Of course, others may become frustrated with the go-go-go mentality, so taking a breath (literally) can help.
"Mindfulness can help them accept things outside their control and remain calm," she explains. "Encourage regular mindfulness exercises or moments of reflection to build patience, which can be especially useful in situations where they’re challenged by outside constraints."
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Sources:
Dr. Molly Burrets, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles
Dr. Dakari Quimby, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist for HelpGuide Handbook
Dr. Catherine Nobile, Psy.D., a psychologist and owner and director of Nobile Psychology in New York
