Yahoo Lifestyle The Internet Is Roasting These Outdated "Real Men" Expectations, And It's Both Hilarious And Concerning
There are some wild takes online about what it takes to be a "real man." The definition shifts from person to person, but these debates are verbal quicksand — the more you sink into it, the worse it gets.
A recent Reddit thread posted in the r/AskReddit sub by u/thatrubiksguy1 asked users to share the most ridiculous things they’ve heard that “real men” don’t do. The responses, deeply entrenched in toxic masculinity, ranged from ridiculously silly to concerning on a spiritual level.
In more trivial instances, it's about eating a banana without slicing it first. In more extreme cases, some believe that skipping basic hygiene, like washing their asses, is a defining trait of a man.
Without further ado, let’s dive into some of the wildest and most baffling responses — brace yourself.
1."Let a woman be on top during sex. Apparently, that is gay. A man having sex with a woman. Gay."
2."I once worked with a guy who wouldn’t eat Mr. Goodbar or drink Mr. Pibb because he didn’t want anything with a a male-identified name in his mouth."
3."'Real Men Don’t Read Books'. Sure, sure, sure...sounds good, my guy."
4."I was at a party with a mixed crowd. Myself and some friends in our mid-20s, but there were also teenagers there. The legal drinking age where I live is 16. Some kid was standing with his friends and they were giving him grief because he was drinking a cherry beer. Culturally, fruity beers are considered 'girly' drinks here."
"One of the shitty friends turns to me and asks me to confirm to his friend that real men drink normal beer. I'm a muscular, bearded, masculine-looking guy, so the shithead probably thought I would be on his side. I just replied 'a real man drinks whatever the fuck he likes,' and lifted my beer to the guy with the cherry beer.
I could actually see his eyes light up, and his body energized a little bit after that. Poor kid just wanted to enjoy his drink in peace."
5."F*cking wash their ass! There’s very real discourse about it. It blew — and continues to blow — my mind. They think it’s gay to remove f*cking fecal matter. The f*ck?!"
6."When I was in college, I was in a student group. One of the other members was in a fraternity (it was not a group that lent itself to the sort of thing fraternity members would like). After one meeting, he was clearly in a bad mood and we asked what that was all about, and when we found out we were all boggled."
"The upcoming week was a long weekend, and this guy's girlfriend's parents were going out of town, and she had invited him over to spend the weekend alone with her. However, this weekend was also a weekend when there was some college football game, and the fraternity was having a watch party. When he told his fraternity brothers that he could not go to the watch party because he was going to go spend the weekend alone with his girlfriend, they...accused him of being gay, and not a 'real man'. Because the thing a 'real' straight hetero man would prefer doing was spending all weekend with a bunch of other men, NOT spending all weekend having sex with his girlfriend."
7."A friend's dad wouldn't let him eat bananas unless he used a fork and knife or if it wasn't sliced up already because it made him 'look gay.' He also wasn't allowed to use Chapstick because 'he looked like a woman putting on lipstick.' He could only have the stuff you put on with your finger from a little pot. His dad was such a dick...we all hated him!"
8."Things I’ve been told real men don’t do: eat desserts, smile, laugh at anything ever, watch movies, use straws, wear jackets when it’s cold, use umbrellas, physically clean their asses, listen to music, enjoy eating (only eat because you have to, in order to survive), experience love, pleasure their partner, give gifts, and hug, to name a few."
9."'Eat quiche.' That's not even a euphemism."
10."Wear ear protection while using loud tools."
11."Like cats. No less a luminary than Mark Twain said, 'When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.' So there."
12."'If your man isn’t even 200 pounds, are you with a real man?' A question asked by my bartender coworker’s friend. Good thing I’m a 250-pound bouncer. Otherwise, I would have been emasculated."
13."Apparently, real men don't speak about anything of consequence or value."
"My brother was going through an awful divorce. I called him at Christmas that year to see how he was doing since it was his first Christmas alone. For calling to check on him, I got called gay, a woman, and was told that I was soft like a marshmallow Peep. I was so furious that I hung up the phone.
About three months later, I called to explain why I was so irritated. Rather than apologize, he tells me about some movie with Robert Duvall and Kevin Costner where they drive cattle and are about to get in some gunfight, so they decide to exchange names for the first time. He cited that as the pinnacle of how real men act."
14."I've heard someone say real men don't have children. It's a feminine trait."
"He was impotent."
15."Wear pink, wear earrings, wear a helmet, wear a mask (during COVID), cry about death/grief, drink fruity drinks, eat salad, say 'I love you' to anyone except their partner. Real men live very fun lives, clearly."
"On a serious note, I think homophobia (and/or being perceived as gay) has done more to mess up the emotional health of a majority of young men and, by extension, the relationships they have with others. It’s sad. We need to get over this shit, it’s hurting everyone in a different way."
16."Someone told me my boyfriend that holding my (his female girlfriend's) hand was 'pretty gay.' In fact, any time my boyfriend shows me affection, this is labeled as unacceptably non-masculine, according to this guy. Remember boys, you’re gay and a simp if you kiss a girl!"
17."'Real men don't go out dancing because it's feminine and gay.' For context, I was going out dancing with two women I knew."
18."Wash their legs. Seriously, the runoff from your shampoo doesn't clean your legs, and it definitely doesn't clean your balls. Wash your twig and berries, guys. Nut sweat can be smelled by everyone around you."
19."Real men don't drink from straws. Really?? Your masculinity is so fragile that you are unmanned by a small cylindrical utensil that helps facilitate hydration? I guess that tracks since some men also refuse to drink plain water."
20."Flinch when slamming a hammer on their fingers, cry about knee pain when working on their knees for the entire day without protection, cry in general. The funny thing is this was told to me by a woman."
21."Laundry. Apparently, it’s completely 'manly' to understand all about machines, engines, and technology unless it’s a washing machine, in which case they’re stumped because it’s for 'wimmin' or 'feeemales.'"
22."A guy wouldn’t let me spoon him because 'only guys are the big spoon.' He also wouldn’t give me a massage because guys don’t do that sort of thing."
23."Hugging the homies."
24."Eat ice cream with a cone, lol."
25."Buy female hygiene products for their wives and daughters."
"I thought he was joking, but he was serious. He's responsible for doing the grocery shopping for the family but he will not pick up these products, his wife and daughter have to buy them themselves. They don't have to pay for them, they can use the family money, it's just the act of buying."
26."Drive a car with an automatic transmission."
27."A right-wing politician and former Olympic athlete in Denmark recently stated, 'Men who use bicycle helmets are already dead. Their self-respect is gone, and without it, life has no point. A helmet sends the signal that you, a grown man, are afraid of falling off your bicycle. I believe everyone can see how pathetic that is.'"
"For context, bicycling is the go-to means of transportation in the cities here, and a common recreational sports activity for a lot of people."
28."I'm a redhead who lives in Texas, and I had a guy tell me, 'Real men don't wear sunscreen' while I was putting on SPF 50 sunscreen. This was told to me by a guy with leather skin who has already had a couple of odd moles taken off his body."
29."I was a barista at Starbucks for a few years, and I had a regular who refused to get whipped cream on his mochas because it was a 'feminine' product and he was a 'man.'"
What's one of the most absurd things that you've heard "real men" don't do? Let us know in the comments below.
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
