Yahoo Lifestyle People Are Sharing The "Porn Fantasies" That Are Actually Complete Nightmares In Real Life, And Here's Your "XXX" Warning
On the always discussion-heavy r/AskReddit subreddit, Reddit user u/yiyici_ asked people to share porn fantasies that are actually total nightmares in real life. Turn incognito mode on for this one...here are some fantasies that will make you take a rain check on your partner's next roleplaying night:
1."'Oops wrong hole'/surprise anal. Really ANY impromptu anal. The worst pain I've ever felt in my life."
2."A friend experienced the consequences of public sex. Got a BJ from a date in a park. Got caught. He had drugs on him, so he ended up doing some jail time, but this was like 10 years ago, and the lasting effects of being on the sex offender registry have been the worst part. I’m not sure of all the legal details, but I know it has ruined many aspects of his life."
3."Sex on the beach. Stinky, dirty, gritty, and you have a decent chance of being watched by an old dude with a metal detector."
4."Those super femme lesbians with the loooonnnnggggg pointy nails. I scream in fear when I see them. Lord, no, do not insert those! Long, sharp nails can easily cause cuts and infection! Even with proper handwashing first, you’re risking bleeding. It wigs me TF out."
5."The 'Mile High Club.' I work on planes. Those bathrooms are disgusting, and the walls are about as thick as construction paper. Everyone on that plane knows what you're doing; almost everyone will stare as you sit back down, and you'll most likely never be allowed back on that airline again."
6."Anything with food. It starts to get sticky and smelly real quick."
7."I (male) had a threesome with my mentally unstable 'goth' ex-girlfriend and her Russian alcoholic ex-girlfriend. It was mostly them fighting, crying, and locking themselves in random rooms. For hours. Way more work than Johnny Sins led me to believe."
8."Pulling anal beads as if you'd start a chainsaw?"
"Let her rip!"
"Why did I think of Beyblade?"
9."Pool sex. Vaginas don’t really like pool water."
10."Dating a nympho. It's all fun and games until you're hiding from her and saying you have a headache."
11."Sex in the shower is just not good for lubrication, and someone is always going to freeze."
12."Standing 69. She drops me on my head every time."
13."Beating and humiliation kinks. She could only get off while being punched and slapped. I have no interest in hitting a partner, particularly beating one as hard as she needed to reach orgasm, and submissives don’t necessarily smile or grunt with pleasure while you’re at it. More like weeping and sobbing."
14."MFF (Male/Female/Female) threesome. It's a lot more work than most guys realize to please two women at the same time."
"As the old joke goes, 'If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd call my parents.'"
15."I banged my second wife as she was dressed up in a Princess Leia bikini. Sure, it was fantastic. It was also a rental. She was scrubbing out the stains in the motel sink before returning it. When I brought up the idea that she go with a Ms. Marvel cosplay for my birthday that next year, she told me to be happy if I even got a cake."
"Well, I'm never renting a costume ever again."
16."Anything related to bodily fluids and/or random encounters without basic prophylactics or sanitation. You can catch all kinds of diseases and infections."
17."All of the fantasies. No porn ever deals with the smell and cleanup."
18."Car sex. There is no comfortable space."
19."Sex in a spa bath/hot tub. All the natural lubrication goes extremely quickly (think I only came because I was stoned), then you discover dried cum flakes in your leg hair an hour later...good times."
20."Finishing on her face. I mean, really, most women are not interested in that at all."
21."Without a doubt in the middle of nature. In addition to a lot of mosquitoes, there are animals."
22."Puke play. Did it feel good coming up on my genitals? Yes. Did I also puke because the smell was horrendous? Also yes."
23."Sex while standing and lifting my girl up...it's so hard to do."
24."Went to a few orgies consecutively, but I was a nervous, anxious mess and ended up not doing anything because I can't. I ended up just being there for some vibes, chatting, and the free alcohol, so it was extremely embarrassing. Mind was intrigued, but my body couldn't."
25."While I love the idea of a massive orgy…just tons of hot dudes writhing and fucking in a big gay pile…adding extra people into the mix immediately rings alarm bells for me in terms of general trust and the possibility of diseases. As much as the idea of a full-blown turns me on, in reality, I dunno if I could relax enough to enjoy it."
26."As a lesbian, just because you see me making out with my girlfriend does not mean we are just gonna open up and let you join in. I can't tell you how many times my girlfriend and I have been out, and we get approached by creeps who want action because they saw me and my girlfriend kiss. The only FFM threesome I've ever had was with my girlfriend and her ex, and we handcuffed him to the bed and left him there to watch us with blue balls. Yes, it was on purpose; he was abusive, manipulative, and the reason she switched teams."
27."Doing it doggy on a pool table will give you thee worst friction burns. Never again."
Is there a porn fantasy that was a nightmare for you in real life? Comment below!
