Yahoo Lifestyle 28 People Who Distanced Themselves From Religion After Being Brought Up In The Church Are Sharing The "Final Straw" That Pushed Them Away For Good
We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community who grew up in religious households and later distanced themselves from faith to tell us what motivated them to do so. That post inspired more commenters with similar experiences to share their stories. We also came across a Reddit thread by PizzaBliAnanas that asked Reddit users who left their religion to share the final straw that pushed them over the edge.
While many of the stories shared are highly emotional and, in some cases, disturbing, please note that these submissions don't reflect a universal experience of religion. Everyone's story is different. Here's what people shared:
Warning: Post contains mentions of sexual violence, child abuse, anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric, and pregnancy loss.
1."At my dad's funeral, the pastor told us that we'll never see our dad again if we don't get right with God and start going to church. That was the final straw."
2."I wasn't raised in my mom's church, but I grew up following the religion and would attend on special holidays. The pastor at the time had shunned my entire family because my mom had me out of wedlock, but my family started going again when he left. Then I was diagnosed with cancer, and that pastor who had shunned my mom came to visit us in the hospital just to tell my mom this was God's punishment for her having premarital sex. He also told her not to worry because she'd see me in hell. We stopped going to church and following religion because what religion supports any of that? Evidently, that one."
3."They asked me for a paystub to verify I was actually tithing 10%. The pastor was driving a new Cadillac."
"Kind of the same thing. My parents had a college fund for all the kids in one account. My sister drained the account when she dropped out and left home. I was a sophomore in high school, so my parents started saving money for my college everywhere they could, and so they stopped tithing. They still went to church every weekend. We got a letter from the church saying they noticed we had stopped coming to mass and asked if everything was okay. They didn't actually care that we were still going, just that we had stopped giving them money. Incidentally, the pastor was removed while he was part of an investigation for embezzlement."
4."I lived in an incredibly abusive family. My father was the physical abuser, and my mother was the emotional abuser. At the grand old age of 5 (at school), I learned that there was this 'magical being' who could create whole universes with the wave of a hand and who even loved losers like me. I became top of the Bible class, praying every night for the abuse to stop. After two years, I realized that nothing had changed. I decided there was no God, or he didn't like me if there was one. I started questioning this wonderful 'God' and found him lacking in so many areas. Then, I discovered dinosaurs, and that was the end of it."
—Anonymous
5."I grew up in the church and was constantly told all about the world ending, the anti-Christ, the rapture, and so on. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the half-baked interpretations and 'prophecies' of pastors. I'm tired of hearing that the US and its political landscape are biblical and somehow important in the 'end days.' I'm tired of the theatrical preachers and mega-churches and congregations claiming Democrats are evil. Nothing these churches have said would happen in the past 35 years has ever happened. They've been wrong for decades. It's all nonsense that simply isn't mentioned in the Bible."
"I used to go to church until a certain someone ran for president, and the hypocrisy of the church's support of him turned me off for good. I haven't been back since 2016. Now, they all pray for me because I've been 'led astray' while they go to church and talk about politics. Lol. It's all so ridiculous and hypocritical and aligns with NOTHING the Bible actually says. I'm done with the church."
—Anonymous
6."My first sign should have been when I was a young child. I was kicked out of the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine because when the teacher, who was a nun, slapped kids on the knuckles with her ruler, I blurted out, 'Jesus wouldn't do that.' I completely took away her power. Fast forward over 20 years, and I'm sitting in confusion, sharing that my now ex-husband shoved me into a wall while I was pregnant. The priest, I still remember his name, told me that I couldn't get a divorce and I had to forgive him because sometimes people make mistakes. Blah, blah, blah. I had a few choice words for him and never looked back. Farewell to the Catholic Church."
7."I left my church at 16; I'm now 37. It was a Southern Baptist church, and the hypocrisy is what drove me away. They judge women for not being virgins and refer to them as used-up pieces of chewing gum if they have sex before marriage. Also, they think drinking is as bad as murder. I worked at a bar in college, and some of those 'good, god-fearing people' were regulars. Also, guess who had sex before marriage? They did. I've also been interested in science and was told it wasn't ladylike. My parents still attend that church, and the new pastor is my age. They no longer preach the old-timer ways, but I won't go back."
8."Stillborn babies, who were not baptized, were buried under the hedge near the cemetery because they could not be buried in the cemetery itself. Screw such a heartless religion."
9."I grew up religious, and after nearly a decade of soul-searching, research, and eventually coming out, I've settled on being a person of faith but not religion. I've found a church that supports the LGBTQIA+ community and focuses on community service. Yesterday, I volunteered at a festival in my city that focused on love and belonging (put on by our city's Pride organization). I fully believe the Jesus I follow would've been there with me, handing out bracelets reminding people they belong and giving out 'mom hugs.' My 'religion' may disagree with me, but I've seen many people hurt by the church, and I know sometimes it's best to step away. Much love to you."
10."I went to church camp every year and was even a counselor. I somehow continued after being abused by my babysitter. It was after the continued abuse, sexual assault, and my mother abandoning me that I realized no one was really looking after me but myself. If there is a God who allows such harm to come to children, it's no god I want to believe in. Seeing horrible things happen to children changed it for me. Religious people say, 'It was the devil,' or 'God needed angels.' Really? Then why torture the child and make them suffer first? If God is almighty, why is he too weak to keep the devil from the things he supposedly made? Now, I see more hate with Christians and religion. There's more abuse. We're told to honor our mother and father. They expect us to have relationships with the people who ruined us. It's a mess."
"I believed with all my heart that by the time I was a teenager, I had seen and been through more than any human should. I stopped believing in a God. I believed in myself."
11."I was raised Catholic. When I was 6, a nun told me that my mother would not go to heaven because she was Lutheran."
—Anonymous
12."My late husband was dying of leukemia, and his religious community made us pay for his 'sin' to save him, and it cost like $5,000 (back in 2011). Mind you, we were newlyweds with no money. Even the hospital bills were paid using donations from my friends, family, and neighbors. I was never religious before, but that was just disgusting. We paid it anyway because he believed in it."
13."When one of the ladies in my prayer group kept calling her gay nephew (one of my close friends in school) slurs within the group and asked us to keep him in our prayers to 'help him see that his lifestyle would damn him to hell.'"
14."I saw a doctor when I turned 20 and had them prescribe me an EpiPen for a nut allergy after years of my entire religious community gaslighting me into thinking I wasn't allergic to anything and that allergies weren't real. This religion does not condone medical attention and only likes to 'pray' for any health problems. The doctor asked, 'How have you survived until now without one?' referring to the EpiPen. l was known to be an incredibly picky eater. It turns out I'm also allergic to poultry."
15."Getting out in the community. The church I was raised in was one of those super strict ones that think women wearing pants is a huge issue. They would always preach about how gay people were sent here by Satan. I started working with a company that had offices worldwide. The people came from very diverse backgrounds, which was somewhat bewildering to my sheltered, redneck self. I got to know and become friends with not just one but tons of gay people. I just couldn't go to that church anymore. These nice gay folks were spending their days off volunteering at the local food banks and helping the unhoused community, and this church still thought they were bad people or 'demons.' I never saw anyone in that church do anything for the community."
16."One of my first jobs was working for a Christian call center that took calls for The Jim Bakker Show. Seeing how that man manipulated people for money under the name of God pretty much did it for me. But he wasn't the only one. I took calls for other ministries, which were pretty much the same."
17."I grew up in the Baptist church. We attended services on Sundays and Wednesday evenings for a couple of years. My parents suddenly moved our family to the Assembly of God and became very active. I was pushed into the youth group. It was very cliquish. Being from the wrong side of the tracks, I just didn't fit in. It came to a bitter end for me when, on a church youth retreat during my senior year of high school, the youth pastor yelled, screamed, and cursed at me for hanging out with other youth I knew from previous years. I wound up calling home, spending the night at the bus station in the freezing cold (it was snowing), and going home alone. I have been back to church exactly twice since then: my wedding and my father's funeral. To this day, I can remember what the youth pastor screamed at me. He never apologized. He told my parents and the church pastor it was my fault. It left emotional and mental scars."
—Anonymous
18."The idea that criminals of all types could go to heaven if they accepted Jesus Christ on their deathbed. I looked at the pastor and said, 'Well if that's the case, why would I put myself through all of this praying and kneeling and tithing BS if I can still get to heaven by accepting Jesus on my deathbed? I'm going to go out and enjoy life.'"
19."It wasn't one big thing. Many things just built up until I got fed up and left. The worst thing was when they punished me for being a victim of SA. I was told to keep silent about it so I didn't ruin my dad's ministry (apparently, that was more important than his child). I was also told I deserved it because I 'chose' to be the guy's girlfriend, which meant I asked for it in their minds. I grew up Pentecostal. Courting and dating were for marriage, and even though I was taught to trust someone that I saw a future with, at the same time, I was blamed for trusting him. Make it make sense."
20."The weirdo youth pastor went on a tirade about how your life is worthless if you're not converting people regularly (said to a bunch of 13-year-olds). My parents finally agreed that I didn't have to go to church anymore."
21."My youth pastor got so angry when I told her I wasn't planning to attend the summer Evangelical program. She had supported me for nearly four years at that point. I had no friends or social life — nothing except for the church. We went for coffee once a week so I could have someone to talk to. We texted almost daily. Yet, when I decided against attending the summer program, she dropped me and hasn't spoken to me since. I was done with the entire church at that point."
22."When I was still in elementary school, my family attended the church. I came to them after an all-girls sleepover where my classmates were gossiping about what boys they found cute, and I realized I didn't find any of them cute. The boys in my class were my best friends, but I realized there was a girl in another class who I felt attracted to instead of my male best friends. I told my parents, and they accepted me, but when the church found out, they demanded that I be put into some sort of conversion therapy. That's when my parents decided we were leaving the church and the religion."
23."A lot of things piled up over the years, but the big one was people always telling me all the abuse I'd been through, and all the bad things that happened to me were 'part of God's plan.' If one person did all this to me, they'd better be ready for a hell of a fight when I get to their house."
24."My journey to atheism was, thankfully, not that drastic. I wasn't mad at god or the church. I, thankfully, didn't experience any kind of stigma by coming out or any family drama. My journey was more internal. I started off with the never-ending questions. After not getting many answers from my pastor, I found myself searching online and identified as agnostic for a year or two. The switch to atheism came without my noticing it. I realized that I probably was an atheist all through my journey, but I just didn't want to 'commit' due to the tradition of believing in a god. I know it's not a ground-breaking story, but it's my own."
25."There was no 'final' straw; it was just a slow realization that came during an absence caused by the death of my most religious family member, who was the heart of our Sunday services attendance. Also, I started saying,' Yeah, that makes sense,' to things different from what the Bible or its local representatives taught. I suppose the final completion point came when some local churches were caught protecting their pedophiles. But by then, that was the final nail in an already-buried coffin."
26."It was the people for sure — very judgmental and cliquey. I'd always kind of hated it, but I tried to stick it out for my grandparents, thinking that was what I needed to do to be a good person. One summer, I went on a mission trip to Hungary with my youth group, and the entire youth group excluded me throughout the trip. The group leaders were very much in on the exclusion and even seemed to encourage it. When we returned, I decided I was done and never returned."
27."My 'uncle' is the deacon of the church, and he and his wife never filed my nana's will and claimed there was none. They stole our inheritance, knowing that my family is conflict-phobic. It broke my mom's heart and makes me sick to know that there are people who think he's an amazing and pious person."
28.And: "I was raised Catholic and went to parochial school through eighth grade. Even when I switched to public school for high school, I remained active in my church and parish youth group. While I can't put my finger on one specific moment that immediately distanced me from the church, many little things happened around this time that made me question the environment I grew up in and the things I was taught. There was a time I volunteered with church members at a Christmas gift drive in an impoverished neighborhood of our city. Afterward, many of them kept making snarky comments about how many of the attendees had shown up to get free gifts despite having smartphones. The ensuing conversation about members of that local community looking for 'handouts' didn't sit right with 15-year-old me."
"There was a time one of my favorite celebrities was outed as gay when photos of him and his boyfriend were leaked. It was my first exposure to the LGBTQIA+ community, and though I knew nothing about queer identities at the time, it was immediately clear to me from seeing the photos just how much they loved each other. Meanwhile, some people in my church community reacted with disappointment and hatred and vowed to boycott his work. Again, this didn't sit right with me. Weren't we supposed to love and respect others?
There was a time during my senior year when we were assigned a topic randomly (I think by picking out a hat), and we had to research and debate the side that didn't align with our views. Mine was abortion, which meant I had to present the pro-abortion rights argument. Sometime after the assignment wrapped up, I was speaking to my teacher after class about something unrelated. He mentioned in passing how well I had done on the debate and that he knew it had to be difficult for me to argue in favor of a side that went against my religious beliefs (I was pretty 'openly Catholic' despite being at a public school). It was a moment that figuratively stopped me in my tracks as I realized that the anti-abortion argument the church pushed on me didn't align with how I felt personally. I 'believed' it simply because that's what I'd been taught. The pro-abortion rights side I'd researched for the assignment resonated with me so much more.
I had little moments like these for years, and while no 'straw broke the camel's back,' suddenly when I was in my early 20s, it became abundantly clear that I didn't identify with the Catholic tradition at all anymore. So much of what I learned through organized religion, especially in my teen years, was filled with hypocrisy and guilt. Don't even get me started on the many ways I'm still unlearning how I was made to feel shame around my body and sexuality as a girl, and I'm in my 30s now. I haven't set foot in a church in years other than for weddings and funerals, and I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders."
—Anonymous
If you were raised with a religious influence and have since distanced yourself from your faith, what led to this change? Tell us your story in the comments or share anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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