"He Had A List Of Rules For Me To Follow, Including Being 122 Pounds": People Who've Dated Outside Their Socioeconomic Class Are Revealing What Happened

A little while ago, we shared the lessons poor people learned when they dated rich people.

A ton of people in the BuzzFeed Community commented with their own experiences dating people from different financial backgrounds. So, we just had to share those, too:

1."I dated a super wealthy guy — as in worth $200 million when we met. He had just filed for divorce, and his wife was getting $20 million and said it was not enough. That everything costs so much more these days. They had nothing when they first started dating and got married. Well, he did not want me to work. I was 32 and gave up my own business. 14 years later, I was sick of how he treated me, and I left. He had a list of rules for me to follow, including being 122 pounds and exercising every day. I gained weight, and he told me he was embarrassed to be seen with me because I was fat. Broke my heart."

2."I grew up lower middle class with occasional food insecurity as a kid. I learned how to fix most household issues, fix my garbage disposal, patch a hole in the wall, repair a plumbing leak, etc. My wealthy boyfriend didn't even own a plunger."

—Anonymous

3."I grew up in an upper-middle-class family, with my father being well-known in the automotive industry. Money was no object; I attended Catholic and private schools. I’m the youngest of my siblings, so I had new everything. When I was an adult, I entered into a relationship with someone who grew up poor. His life choices due to low self-esteem lead him into poor adulthood. When he got a sum of money, no expense was spared. He’d purchase a game system with a new game, play it for a week, and return it or sell it to do the same thing with a new game or system. He would purchase outfits and shoes, go to the club, and spend recklessly and foolishly."

4."I was with my husband for over 30 years. His mother married for the third time to wealth, and she never considered helping her son with money matters while he was alive. When my husband passed, she sent a letter from her lawyer, not even two days later, wanting a list of his personal possessions. She had no grounds to ask for anything, but she was rich now and expected everyone to do whatever she wanted."

"Three months after his death, she published an obituary in the state where we grew up and omitted me from it completely. That newspaper was kind enough to publish — for free — my original obituary I had posted in the city where we lived. Money can't buy class."

—Anonymous

5."I come from a wealthy family, but I have always dated men older than me who had significantly more money than me. Though I come from wealth, I still had to work hard. My parents instilled that in me at a young age. I worked two jobs while doing university full-time and then graduated early, while doing internships to build my portfolio. The man I dated for three years is a Rothschild, and if you know anything about the history of Rothschilds, that is old, old money. Generational wealth to the max."

6."I was married to someone for 20 years who came from an extremely wealthy family. They honestly did not know what poor meant. When I first met them, they would tell me how they were poor at the beginning of their marriage and could barely afford a Snickers bar as a weekly treat. I was shocked to meet an actual 'rags to riches' family. However, I found a picture from when they were first married. They were standing next to a Jaguar and a Cadillac with a huge brick home in the background. You see, to them, that was extremely poor."

"From day one, they never liked me and constantly would set me up to fail with their daughter so that we would split up. She stood by me for 20 years, then her family moved within a couple miles of us and were able to constantly pressure her into divorcing me. They always saw me as white trash."

—Anonymous

7."I come from an upper-middle-class background, and my boyfriend grew up working class. One difference I noticed between us is how important it is for him to 'keep up appearances.' For instance, I have a tendency to keep my stuff until it is worn to the bone, and I don't really mind a little hole in my sock or my very old phone with a cracked case. On the other hand, he will throw away his shirts, bags, shoes, etc. as soon as they start looking old or used. It's as if when you're actually poor, you can't afford to look poor. It's something that was never a concern for me, but it seems deeply ingrained in him, even though he makes a decent living now."

8."I took very good care of my things and noticed he was careless with both his things and mine. I had a set of knives that were my grandmother’s, and he just let someone borrow them without asking. When I told him I didn’t appreciate it and was worried they wouldn’t return them, he said he'd just buy more. We were given fancy candy as a gift once; I wanted to eat it slowly, and he ate it quickly. I told him I wanted to make it last, and he said we could just buy more. He wasn’t a bad person at all, it was just that I didn’t understand his mindset any more than he understood mine."

—Anonymous

9."A friend set me up once with the only child of very wealthy parents. He had condos, a boat, and a house on the lake. While he was very kind, it creeped me out that on the first date, he talked about being able to fly home to meet my family and how he had an extra bedroom for my child. I didn't sign up for another date. His money was his money, not mine, and I have power imbalance issues."

10."For about two years, I dated and lived with a woman who was well-off and had plenty of money. She worked a good job but had received a sizable inheritance. She earned considerably more than me and had wayyy more than me in the bank, investments, etc. What I found was this: Rich people get and stay rich by spending all of your money before they spend theirs. When we went out, I paid for dinner, gas, etc. 85% of the time. Going to dinner was three or four times a week. She liked long weekend trips and vacations; I paid for 90% of them. By the time the relationship ended, she was well ahead of the game financially, and I was in the hole by $25k or more."

"It felt like there would be no end to it until I was broke. At that point, I'm sure I would have been shown the door. Rich people are usually not generous. On the contrary, how do you think they got rich?"

—Anonymous

11."Yes, I have dated a couple of people with money. One was very generous and helped me understand the stock market and the difference between regular banks and credit unions so I could make informed choices. I had some great times, and I learned a lot. The other bragged and wanted to show off. It didn't last long; I am a strong-minded and self-confident person. What I learned, however, is that a lot of people with money have little common sense without it. Those skills that you learned while poor are the ones that will serve in times of crisis. Money can be nice, but money has never made people better or nicer."

12."I dated a man for eight years who came from very old money. We’re talking castles in Ireland old. Vacation homes in multiple states, cars, planes, and memberships to all the bougie clubs on Martha’s Vineyard. I was really young when I met him; he was rather old. I ended up having two children with him. The biggest narcissist on the planet. Grew up with a silver spoon stuck up his ass. Well, he walked around feeling absolutely entitled to everything. I came from a poor family of blue-collar artists and musicians in Tennessee. I was always astonished by how my kids’ dad would pinch pennies despite being totally loaded. He would haggle with people at Goodwill, then turn around and spend $50k on a new Escalade and drop $250k on a house to flip."

"Yet he would shop for our kids' food at the Dollar Tree! I was lucky to get away. I went to a women’s shelter with my kids after he shut the credit card off when I tried to get groceries and gas. To this day, he still tries to buy my kids’ love because he never got to know them as people. We were just property to him. I don’t regret my kids, but I regret meeting that rich douche. I am still proud of my humble beginnings, my parents, their work ethic and resourcefulness. I never felt poor, just rich in spirit."

—Anonymous

13."Sometimes it's not just wealth vs. poverty but types of wealth that create a divide. I managed to experience both problems at once. My mother's family had real money and status in the old country but lost it all three generations ago, leaving my grandparents to emigrate with the clothes on their backs. I started dating my now-wife while I was still slogging through law school at night and working full-time in retail. Her very wealthy, new-money parents tolerated me but obviously hoped for a better match. That changed when I showed them a book containing a painting of my great-grandfather's estate by a well-known artist. Did they like me better? Not at all!"

14."I come from a family who grew up with money. My wife comes from a working-class family and was raised by a single parent. My wife has a great head on her shoulders and an excellent work ethic. She gets super annoyed (rightfully so!) when my mom complains to her about how 'poor' she was growing up, and then goes on to describe her pool, hot tub, housekeeper, and country homes. I think people who come from money are just way more out of touch with reality."

—Anonymous

15."We’re married now, but it was quite a shock the first time I visited my now in-laws in their home. I didn’t grow up poor, more middle class, but his family made me feel poor in a way I never had before. My husband and I met in college, and while I'd met his parents once on campus, the first time I visited was for a week during winter break. My Christmas gift that year was my plane ticket to visit them in California. When I got there, they'd planned an entire week of activities for the two of us to do together, from seeing musicals to Disneyland and Universal Studios to going to fancy dinners."

16."We had been dating for over two years, and his mom asked if I would be willing to go on an international trip to their home country to visit. She said she would cover all of the costs. I asked how long we would be gone, and she said, 'We usually go for two months.' I explained I did not have enough vacation time for that at work. And she replied, 'Well, can’t you buy more? I will pay for it.' I had to explain that it doesn’t work that way. Then it became a discussion around the fact that I would be marrying her son anyway and wouldn't be working, so I should just have this trip be the kick-off to our new life together."

"I grew up very poor with an incredibly independent mother who worked two to three jobs at a time to provide for us. I had been with my employer for 12 years, was completely independent, and was not about to give that up. I ended up breaking up with him shortly thereafter because our values just did not align."

—Anonymous

17.And finally, "Not me, but my parents. My dad’s side comes from money, descended from barons from all over Europe and can prove it. They’re good people but incredibly uptight and rigid in how things ought to be done. Even some of the silverware has documented lineages. My grandma still doesn’t like my mother. Mom grew up distinctly working middle class and attended state schools growing up. Probably stemming from a vaguely turbulent home life, she never wanted to marry or change her name, and this insulted my dad’s family. But then my sister and I, the twins, came along, and she acquiesced to grandma’s demands so that I, the first son of the first son, could take his name."

Have you ever dated someone from a different background? How did it go? Share your experience in the comments below or in this anonymous form.

Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.