Yahoo Lifestyle Parents Are Confessing Dark Secrets They've Been Keeping From Their Kids For Years, And It's Gut-Wrenching
Warning: This post contains mentions of suicide, abuse, pregnancy loss, and drug use.
A while back, we asked parents of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the darkest secrets they've kept from their kids, and their responses range from eye-opening to absolutely heartbreaking. Here's what they had to say:
1."My son was actually a twin, but his brother died when he was 2. He's forgotten over time, and my wife and I have decided to let sleeping dogs lie. We believe there's no reason to traumatize him."
2."My wife and I met in high school. We did all kinds of drugs together, used to skip school, and partied all the time. My kids are pretty young, but I don't think I'll tell them about this. They think we're super boring, and I'm fine with that."
3."On his deathbed, my grandfather confessed to my mother that he and my grandma only got married because she was pregnant, but the baby died. They got divorced when my mom was still young, but they kept that secret for decades."
"My other grandfather's 50-year-old secret child showed up at his funeral and upset the hell out of his remaining four siblings when he introduced himself as 'your brother.' Don't ie to your kids. The truth will always out itself."
4."I have been sleeping with my kids' dad (who I divorced four and a half years ago), and they still don't know."
—47, Utah
5."I hooked up with my husband’s twin at a party. I was 18, and he was super drunk, while I had a few drinks. Fast-forward five years, and I meet my now husband and his family. Imagine the look on my face when I see his twin brother."
"The twin brother doesn’t even know who I was that night, since he was so drunk."
—32, Texas
6."My daughter, super young, thought we were going on a night walk to spot rare birds. In reality, her dad had locked us out at 11 p.m. because he and I had a fight, and he told me to take her 'cause he wasn't going to deal with a crying baby all night. I had to walk four miles to the only person I knew in the town, who was his friend."
"Thankfully when we got there, my friend took us in and lost it at my (now) ex. I will never tell her why we were really out that late. She doesn't need that; she loves her dad, even if i know he doesn't deserve it."
7."My mom kept a daughter from us her whole life. We found out after she passed away."
—46, Florida
8."Back when I was still dating my ex, he found out that his parents conceived him and his sisters through donated sperm, so he was not biologically related to his parents. He was 27 then and is in his thirties now."
"He told his sisters but (as far as I know) never his parents, as it doesn’t really change anything."
9."My ex-husband cheated on me with another woman and didn’t even tell her that my son and I existed. He started two other families with this same method of cheating and lying. My son knows about his siblings — but not any of the details as to how he got them."
"He also doesn't know that his dad asked me if he could sign away his parental rights to our son because he doesn’t want to be his father anymore."
10."My ex-husband tried for four months to talk me into aborting our son. I remember one time, sitting on my toilet, promising my baby that he wasn't going anywhere. My son would be devastated to know that if I had made his dad happy at the time, he wouldn't exist."
"I dislike my ex husband, but I will never allow my dislike to destroy my son. I'll take this to my grave."
—48, Oklahoma
11."I have not told my daughter, who knows her dad is in prison, why he is there. When she was under a year old, and we were no longer together, her dad shot me and my current boyfriend, whom he killed."
"She's 9, and I always felt I wouldn't keep it a secret. We have always simply said he made bad choices. She does talk to him, and they have a good relationship. I always figured that was ok, and when the truth came out, she could make her own choices. But when is it time?"
—45, Michigan
12.My son was 1 when his alcohol- and drug-addicted, narcissistic, abusive bio dad physically attacked me — that was the last my son saw of his bio dad and half-brother. I got out and haven't had any contact since. About a year later, I met the man who is now my husband. My son is 5 now and only knows my husband as his dad. He doesn't remember his bio dad or half-brother."
"I know one day it will come up, like when he learns about genetics and realizes he's the only one in the entire family with brown eyes. But for now, this is the man who is raising my son and the only man who has actually been a dad to my son."
13."My kids don't know the truth about their grandpa. He was a nice man, but what it really means in his obituary about 'selling items he collected' is that he stole from many small museums and sold the items on the black market to fund his meth addiction."
14."My kids always ask me why their first cousin looks just like them. I have yet to find the courage to tell them that he is their sibling and not cousin. I had several one-night flings with my sister-in-law, resulting in her having MY child and not my brother's."
"My kids are not the only family members in the dark; no one knows but me and the S.I.L."
—Anonymous, Georgia
15."I'm an addict who has been clean for four years, with a 20-month-old toddler. I dread discussing drug use with him (but will do it anyway, as much as he needs) because I'm very ashamed of some of the things I did while using constantly, yet those things are best mentioned to make my points."
"I'm glad he's still little. Gives me time to harden up."
16."That my daughter's father was in an arranged marriage that I found out about after I was pregnant. His wife was also pregnant. My daughter has two half-siblings who she doesn't know yet, her brother is only six months older than her. My daughter is 5."
17."My kids have no idea that their dad has ever served time behind bars. He was in prison for several years before I knew him."
"It's been a long time since his last incarceration, but at the time, he had me tell the kids he was away for work. They will still remind us from time to time, 'Remember when daddy was gone for two weeks at work? I don't want him to have that job again.'"
—36, Colorado
18."My son was 4 when his mother died. He is 7 now. All he knows is that she was 'sick.' He doesn't know it was mental health struggles and suicide. I don't ever want to tell him."
"I fear the day he may ask for details. If he does, I will tell him the truth. But for now, 'Mommy was sick' is sufficient, and I constantly remind him about how much she loved him. He sleeps with a blanket she got him, every night. She would be so proud of how far we've come. Wish she could see it."
—36, Texas
19."That for the entire time I was pregnant with my now-15-year-old son, I worried that his dad might not actually be the father."
—44, California
20."I'm a single mom by choice. I have a beautiful and healthy daughter who is 6 years old. I lost a baby boy in 2014, the father was a guy I dated at that time, and I was desperate to be a mother to a living child. I tell everyone I got pregnant the second time through insemination by a donor in a fertility clinic. Truth is I was rejected because my BMI was a tiny bit too high. So, I met a guy through a website where you can find men who want to donate sperm privately. We met up, and I inseminated myself with his sperm (we were in different rooms, very clinical, no touching, etc.) and got pregnant on the first try."
"The guy was a genuine, good guy with no interest in having his own children, but didn't want his sperm to go to waste. I haven't talked to him since I told him I got a healthy baby. But I've saved his name for when I tell my daughter the truth. Maybe it was wrong of me, but I was so sad and desperate after I lost my son. And I'm so happy with my daughter now. I've never, ever told anyone this."
—32, Sweden
21."Not me, but my dad. I found out last year that a couple years ago, he ran up over $4,000 in my sister's name on a credit card she had trusted him with."
"I don't know the circumstances or the reason she left him her card, but they had a huge falling out about it and not one cent had been paid at the time I'd found out. I still don't know whether anything has been paid on it or not."
22."That the reason they will never meet their grandparents is because they were abusive, and I would never want the same thing to happen to them."
23."That we have no money."
24."By the time I was 16, I was an alcoholic who did drugs occasionally. Fortunately, I became pregnant at 17, and that was the wake up call I needed. When they put my son in my arms for the first time, I swore to never touch any of that stuff ever again."
"Twenty-three years later, I have been sober and have an amazing life now. I will go to my grave before my kids find out about any of this."
—42, USA
25."My son is now 30, but when he was 13, I tried to take my own life and was nearly successful. No one knew about my depression, let alone how bad it was. I have discussed depression with my son, but I never told him that I've tried to take my own life several times."
"Nineteen years ago this month was the last time. I don't ever want him to think that loving him was not enough to make me want to stay alive. And yes I am in therapy and doing great."
—67, New Jersey
26."Told the kids (6, 9, and 15) that their dad was in Canada on business. My oldest caught on quickly, and we worked together to keep the truth from the little ones through eviction, homelessness, and food scarcity that he was actually in prison."
—51, California
27."My ex-husband had a child eight months into our relationship. He had a one-night stand with someone a month before we met, and she never told him she was pregnant; he didn't even find out until the day after the baby was born. Adoption was already set up, and he agreed that would be best. Fast-forward 20 years, and we have an 11-year-old who has no idea that he has a half-brother."
—42, New Jersey
28."They don't know that I hate their dad so much; he’s a narcissist who is full of false promises, and I watch him repeat the same patterns over and over again. And if they ever learn this, it will be from experience, not from my mouth."
29."I hope my kids never find out that I divorced their dad after he had multiple affairs. I really don't want them to know that their dad was shacking up with someone else while I drove myself to the hospital in labor with my youngest."
"Or how when I called him to tell him that my water broke, he told me to lay back down. I started calling divorce attorneys from my hospital room."
—46, Ohio
30."That I was dating their mom's sister, but when I went to a family dinner for the first time, I saw my girlfriend's sister. I fell in love on the spot, and now she's my wife. We don't talk to my wife's sister anymore. I'm taking this one to the grave."
—35, Canada
31."My daughter doesn’t know she had an older sister who tragically died years before she was born."
—31, Arizona
32."I tell my kids every day their dad loves them and wants to see them. I'm not allowed to tell them the truth that he abused them when they were little, bankrupted me, and abandoned us — and is now suing to take the kids from me since he can keep paying lawyers and I can't."
"When my kids are old enough to learn the truth, I'm terrified they will hate me for not warning them about their dad."
—39, Georgia
33."My son has an older half sister that he doesn’t know about. His father got a woman pregnant on a one-night stand, and she moved away right after the positive pregnancy test. The baby was born a few months before I met him."
"He had a picture of her but never met her, and later signed his parental rights away when they requested. My son is now 22, and I know this will hurt him."
—46, Arizona
34."I got pregnant at 16 by my son’s father, who I later married and divorced. I had an abortion. My son and I are really close, but I haven’t told him because it happened seven years before he was born."
"I also didn’t tell him that his father was abusive. I left when my son was 4 years old. I don’t want my son to carry my trauma."
35."My oldest kid is not my husband's biological child. His biological father chose to never be involved, but my husband has been there ever since my son can remember, so he's always been Dad. I've always felt that there needs to be a time when we tell him, but my husband never wants him to know."
"He's 15 years old now and doesn't have a clue."
—36, Colorado
And finally...
36."My child’s dad was abusive. He also cheated on me several times with another woman he has a child with."
—32, Canada
Parents, what's the darkest secret you've ever kept from your child? Let us know your story in the comments below. Or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can use this Google form.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.
