This Parent Defended Their Daughter Eating Three Plates Of Food At A Family Gathering, And People Are Split Over Whether They're Right

If you spend any time at all on the internet these days, you're familiar with the "Am I The Asshole" subreddit, where people describe how they handled a situation and ask others if they were an asshole. Recently, a parent went viral after sharing an argument they had with their family about their teenage daughter's food consumption.

This story starts off pretty normally, and the parent, u/doglover233520 even compliments their sister's cooking. They said in their post, "Yesterday, my sister hosted a family dinner at her house. It was one of those 'just because' dinners, no special occasion. My sister is a great cook, and she made tons of food for that one night."

But then, the evening took a turn. "My daughter was on her second plate by the end of the night. Once she finished she asked if she could get another one. But my sister (her aunt) looked at her with a shocked expression and said, 'Another plate?' My daughter turned around and gave me a somewhat uncomfortable look."

At this point, the parent was a bit taken aback. "I turned to my sister and said, 'She's been working all day without anything to eat. You made tons of food; it won't hurt for her to get another plate.' My sister started yelling about how it wasn't my place to say if my daughter could get more of the food that she made."

"My daughter ended up not getting another plate, and the vibe was awkward, so we just decided to go. Before we left, my sister stopped me and told me I should've taught my daughter manners and how it isn't right to get more than one plate at someone else's house."

"I started getting fed up when they told me I wasn't teaching her proper manners, so I left. Then, of course, they began texting my phone, saying it was rude to leave in the middle of our conversation. I don't think I was the a-hole for leaving because I wasn't going to stay in a place where I felt disrespected. But I'm not sure about the plate thing. So, am I the a-hole for assuming my daughter could get another plate?"

After sharing the story, the parent clarified in the comments that everyone there had already eaten and there was plenty of food left for a third helping — and folks were surprisingly torn over the situation.

User Sea_Estate8909 thought the parent was in the right. They said, "Your sister has some anger issues, and you were right to leave. I probably would have left the second that she said something to my kid. I would get some distance and let her cool off. Maybe she was just having a crazy bad day or something."

Others like u/IntrovertedGiraffe were surprised that anyone wouldn't graciously host their own family members for dinner.

"Definitely not the asshole - my mom loves to host (and, in her words, 'cook for an army).' To her, having people go back for seconds and thirds, even fourths or more, is the ultimate compliment. We had my cousins’ teenagers visit for a few weeks, and she was so happy when they would get up from the table to fill another plate. I caught her smile on video at one point and sent it to my cousin as proof that having her sons here was not an imposition whatsoever because it made my mom so happy.

My guess is that your sister was planning on having the leftovers as meals over the next few days and wanted to save as much as possible, which is a horrible attitude for a host to have."

And user sagpluto felt strongly that no one should be policing a guest's food intake, least of all a teenage girl's.

"A part of it is probably internalized misogyny. People will call hungry male teens a 'growing boy' but forget growing girls exist!! The other part of the sister, though, is just odd... did she plan on having some of that food for leftovers?... It's not a crazy assumption to think that if food is on the table, you, as the guest, are allowed to have multiple plates..."

But there were also commenters who thought it was inappropriate to get more than two plates of food at someone else's house, period — like u/Outside_guidance4752.

"Your daughter should have asked her aunt and not you, and you shouldn’t have assumed but said ask your aunt. Not your house, not your food. I do think it’s kinda rude not to eat all day and then make up for it by eating 3 full plates of food at someone else’s house. I also don’t understand why you’re not making sure your 16-year-old gets 3 meals a day. Your sister way overreacted by getting mad and yelling, especially when there was more food, and your kid is only 16."

And user Cent1234 agreed that the parent was the asshole in the situation, as well.

"You're awfully free with other people's time, money, and labor. Your daughter should have asked her, the hostess.

You're failing as a parent to provide your child with food and impress upon her how important it is not to go all day without eating, nor how unhealthy it is to go all day without, then binge three full plates. You were the one doing the disrespecting."

User Zestyclose_Gur_8889 was short 'n' sweet: "Three plates of food at someone else's house is excessive. Bitching about comments being made about it at someone else's house is just plain rude."

Some concerned commenters suggested that the parent talk to their daughter about the situation, just to make sure that she wasn't internalizing any of the comments as being about her or her weight.

User AnonyCass said, "This is crazy; she might have gotten a couple of small plates. It's disgusting behavior to shame her for this. Please, please talk to your daughter about this and try not to let it get into her psyche; this is the sort of things that trigger girls to EDs."

And user chocolate_box_3387 agreed that these types of comments can be harmful.

"That’s the thing, though: the original poster's kid is a girl, and I’m much more judged by my family for eating more than my male cousins and my father. I’m not fat, but I’m also not skinny, which makes it a problem for a lot of people for some reason; I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that her daughter is a girl and the thought process of is 'Oh no, she eats! She eats! She’ll get fat! Even though it’s her first meal of the day, it’s still too much!' And don’t think it’s ok OP; please make sure your daughter isn’t affected by this."

The dialogue even managed to make its way over to Twitter, where most users backed up the parent and agreed that they are not the asshole in this situation:

Twitter: @EmsTheKat

Twitter: @Fungusaur

Twitter: @Rob_ThaBuilder

Twitter: @OfMikeAndMen

Many also think this is negatively going to impact the relationship the aunt will have with her niece in the future:

Twitter: @LivyStonegarden

Twitter: @monkeema

Twitter: @AleMarieMaxwell

So — what do you think? Is the parent the asshole here, or should the daughter have been able to have as much food as she wanted, no questions asked? Let us know in the comments.

Comments have been edited for length and clarity.