Elevate Any Date

You're creative!

Talented! Full of ideas! In fact, you're a bottomless pit of innovation, curiosity and fun! Then why are you such a boring date? Dinner? A movie? A walk in the park? Yawn. What next? A trip to the zoo? Noooooo . . .

Here's a little secret: if you really want to impress a woman, show her something new. Give her an experience she's never had before. Trust me; if you do it properly, there's every chance she'll return the favour later that night.

The trick is to set up a situation that can spark intimacy-building conversation. "A great date is about 'me too' moments," says Nicholas Boothman, author of How to Make Someone Love You Forever in 90 Minutes or Less. "It's also about self-disclosure, where you grow closer by exchanging ideas, feelings, hopes and vulnerabilities."

Here, then, are five dates every man has in his arsenal - and the ways you can elevate them to a new level.

Dinner and a movie

Your upgrade: shift the scenes

With just a little ingenuity, you can invigorate this crusty old standby. First of all, rearrange the order: see the movie before dinner. Then "replace the popcorn and soft drink with an appetiser that bridges itself with the movie", says sex therapist and dating coach Eric Marlowe Garrison. Catching an Italian flick? "Wrap a few slices of prosciutto around some honeydew and sneak in two plastic wine glasses and a couple of mini-bottles of vino." Sure, it's against the rules, but that's the point. Have fun with it.

Seeing the early show and then sitting down for a later meal can also put you on common ground, no matter how different your days may have been, says Garrison. "And it provides some good conversation openers." Ask her what her favourite movie was as a child and what it is now, or which director she feels could best tell her story. The idea, stresses Garrison, is to create an evening with a sense of romantic fluidity, with one thing leading to the other.

Evening stroll in the park

Your upgrade: give her the universe, too

It's one thing to point up at the sky and blurt out, "Southern Cross!" That'll likely be the beginning and end of that conversation. Instead, show her some celestial sights up close.

A glimpse of Saturn's rings or Jupiter's moons through even the most modest equipment should make her melt, not only because they're gorgeous to look at, but also because seeing them firsthand makes them real in a way no Hubble telescope photo can. Plus, it's a natural way to start a conversation about Big Stuff.

"Looking at the night sky is great for encouraging discussion about those things we all think about but don't discuss much in daily life," says sex educator Dr Yvonne K. Fulbright, the author of Pleasuring: The Secrets to Sexual Satisfaction. "It can range from where we come from, to what else is out there."

You don't want to wrestle with ungainly gear that you have trouble operating, so err on the side of simple, says Artie Kunhardt, of the Amateur Astronomers Association of New York. Kunhardt suggests buying a star chart, a pair of 7 x 50 binoculars and a small photo tripod. (Find gear at teds.com.au or astrobuysell.com/au)

Kunhardt also recommends printing out a chart of that evening's celestial highlights (get a custom chart at sydneyobservatory.com.au). Use this in addition to the star chart, which doesn't show the exact positions of the stars because they change on a nightly basis. Then kick back and show her that heaven exists.

Watching the sunset

Your upgrade: paint it

Dates are filled with potentially romantic moments. Sadly, many of these moments are clichés - the carriage ride through the park, the New Year's Eve kiss, sunset on the beach. This can work against you. "When we try too hard or in predictable ways to create intimacy, we generally fail," says Dr Scott Stanley, co-director of the Centre for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver and the author of The Power of Commitment. "Intimacy is about revealing the self, but the 'self' isn't revealed on command."

That's why a paint set might just kick that bottle of wine into touch as the must-have accessory for a cool autumn sunset. You're both painting the same thing, but your final products are going to be completely different, says Stanley. Talking about why her sun is all the way to the left when yours is in the middle, for instance, will be a far more revealing conversation than the usual tell-me-about-your-parents fare.

"Being creative together reveals parts of the self - your values, dreams, fears," says Stanley. "And no-one has to be interrogated or feel threatened or exposed. It comes out very organically in creative expression."

Before you stake out your picturesque view, head to artshed.com.au or artmaterials.com.au for your paints, easels and canvases. Helpful tip: stick with quick-drying acrylics and bring a tube of white. Painters use white to soften and mix colors and, of course, fix mistakes.

Romantic weekend drive

Your upgrade: stage home invasions

Take advantage of the glut of for-sale homes on the market and go on an open-house tour. Dr Marianne Brandon, the co-author of Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido, says such adventures are great for setting up scores of insightful exchanges. "You get to see that person's taste, and because you're looking at homes, this brings up memories for both of you, and interesting things to discuss," she says.

As you scan the open-house ads in the paper, go for variety - from modest older homes that might help you explore each other's pasts and more immediate nesting urges, to the multi-million-dollar mansions that reveal your aspirations.

"Looking at homes is a great way to encourage a natural, organic conversation about what you want from the future - how you see your lives unfolding," says Dr Herb Goldberg, the author of What Men Still Don't Know About Women, Relationships, and Love.

Smacking golf balls

Your upgrade: shoot clay birds

Hitting the driving range may be fun, but it's not anything she hasn't done a dozen times before. But exploding a bunch of clay disks with a shotgun? Now, that will surprise her. "Most women have never shot before, and they're fascinated once they do," says shooting range manager Paula d'Autremont. "And I would say 90 per cent of the women who come here are better shots than the men. A woman wants to take her time and do it right, while men mostly want to shoot off a whole box of ammo."

Wacky as this might sound, a friendly round of competitive trapshooting is a great first date. "If you're sitting in a restaurant staring at each other, it's a lot of pressure on the conversation," says Stanley. "But dealing with a target and equipment is so structured and focusing. Put your anxiety into that and the conversation flows freely."

Many public outdoor ranges rent equipment, provide lessons and let you get to it. Go to claytarget.com.au to find a club or range near you.