She’s thinking “He’s flirting with hot younger women, I know it.”
Reprogram her hard drive Jealousy, like any bad habit, is an ever-worsening cycle. But you can beat it by applying the theory of psycho-cybernetics, espoused by legendary American thinker Dr Maxwell Maltz. All you need to do is bombard her brain with different perspectives, opening new neural pathways.
According to a recent AOL Living survey, 53 per cent of women admitted they were secretly checking their partners’ emails and texts regularly. “It’s your silence that scares her, so practise the ‘over-exposure’ technique,” advises relationship coach and psycho-cybernetics expert Matthew Hussey. “Start talking about the other women in your life more often. Imagine you’re talking to her as you would to a male friend. Keep your tone cool, disconnected and non-sexual.” Repeating this strategy teaches her subconscious that your attitude to other women is purely platonic and she’s the only one you desire sexually.
Sync with your friends
She’s thinking “His mates are a bad influence.”
Reprogram her hard drive “It’s not your friends she dislikes: it’s the mystery surrounding what you really do when you disappear en masse,” says Mark Vernon, the author of The Meaning of Friendship.
“She is jealous that you’ve been out having fun without her.” So show her pictures of your nights out, with a stream of anecdotes.
“Being exposed to this behaviour through photos will make her draw back from it,” says Vernon. She’ll value the nurturing side of the alpha male that you display with her. Exposing her to male bonding displays a conflicting side she doesn’t like and will withdraw from instinctively. “By removing the mystery of your antics, you take away her desire to be involved,” explains Vernon. By default, she’ll convince herself it’s her idea to leave you to it in the future. Soon your Friday nights will be wide open.
Beat the sex firewall
She’s thinking ”I’m furious and I know just how to punish him.”
Reprogram her hard drive When a woman learns the power of withholding sex, using it as a weapon can easily become a habit. The good news is you can use psycho-cybernetics to re-train her brain and re-boot your sex life for good. “She’s playing the adult punishing a child – so the key here is not to throw a tantrum,” says Hussey. “A punishment that has no effect has no power.
“Instead, teach her a lesson by running your fingers through the back of her hair and touching behind her knees.” While stimulating her scalp triggers feel-good, anger-suppressing endorphins, the skin on the back of her knees is thin and packed full of nerve endings. You’ll stir – but not satisfy – her libido and leave her wanting you more.
“We’re programmed to desire what we can’t have,” says Hussey. “By reminding her of what she’s missing and withholding it, you’ll frustrate her and create some real sexual tension.” Give it about three days before that firewall is torn down.
Deal with the fault reports
She’s thinking “If I have to ask him one more time to . . . ”
Reprogram her hard drive MRI scans at the Indiana University School of Medicine showed that, while women use both sides of their brain to listen, men only apply their left temporal lobe. Bottom line: she’s a good listener – and she expects you to be, too. “Women’s more developed emotional side gives them an in-built need to be listened to,” says sexual and relationship psychologist Paula Hall.
“Nagging is symptomatic of her feeling this need is being ignored.”
So ditch your avoidance strategy and hardwire a more positive response in her. “When women listen, they raise their eyebrows, lean forward and nod their head to show openness,” says Hall. “Replicate these signals, then tell her straight whether you will or won’t meet her request.” Even if the answer is no, by showing attentiveness, you give her what she really needs: your attention.
Override the over-needy
She’s thinking “Where is he? What is he doing? And why does he only ever call me once a day?”
Reprogram her hard drive Clinginess appears on just about every man’s blacklist. “Kick her over-dependence habit with classic reverse psychology,” says Richard La Ruina, the author of The Natural Art of Seduction. “Flatter her on the characteristic you want her to have and she’ll act on it without even realising.”
So tell her about a friend’s needy girlfriend, then compliment her on her own easy-going nature.
“Humans instinctively seek validation – and never more so than in relationships. She’ll warm to your flattery and act out this independent behaviour. Think of it as replacing her clingy wardrobe with an entirely new outfit.” Yes, this is the solitary occasion where, on her, clingy “clothes” can be considered bad.