Stress-free Christmas

By: Steve Calechman

KNOCK THE GREED OUT OF GIVING
What turns “giving” into a great soulless gift orgy is the meaninglessness of it, especially since your kid will never ask for what he really wants, along with all the presents: time with you. So give the toys and then play with him, says psychiatrist Alvin Rosenfeld, author of The Over-Scheduled Child.

Also give practical stuff – socks, beanies, a stationery set – to show there’s a utility to gifts.

Then, when it’s his turn to give, he may take into account what someone else needs, says Melvin Oatis, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at New York University’s Child Study Centre.

SIMPLIFY YOUR SHOPPING
You can’t get away with under-spending on your immediate brood, but cut your shopping time by deferring smaller gifts, like the present for that nephew you forgot you had.

Give him a shopping spree, says Robyn Freedman Spizman, author of Giftionary. All you need is a card and a simple sentiment. Cap the spending and promise to take him wherever he wants (after January 1).

You’ll see what he really likes and you’ll be spending time together. If you remember the nephew, but still have no idea what to get him and you want it to be cool but not a drain on your wallet, go with almost anything from australiangeographic.com.au. There are loads of gizmos that are fun, inexpensive and will keep him occupied for hours – a combination that even the best amusement park can’t offer.

Pick up stuff for the rest of the brood as well: it works for everybody who doesn’t qualify for lingerie.

FIND A GIFT THAT EARNS YOU SEX
She keeps saying she wants to sing, paint or learn to speak Italian, so pre-pay for some lessons and give her the space she needs to do them. You’re showing her you’re interested in her soul.

“The more you acknowledge who she is, the more you get back,” says Lou Paget, a certified sex educator and the author of 365 Days of Sensational Sex.

Of course, all this may take a little more prep time than you’ve allotted to this holiday season.

Fortunately, the vintners of the Hunter, Margaret River and Barossa regions have been working overtime on your behalf.

Stop at a wine store and have the clerk help you put together a mixed 12-pack of good quaffing. Pick robust reds for the winter months, lighter whites for spring and summer.

Add some intimacy by attaching a handwritten list of the dates you want to have with her over the next year. The thought that, in December, you’ve already booked a cosy chalet-for-two at Hotham in July will make her melt with anticipation.

WRITE A FAMILY LETTER(WITHOUT BRAGGING)
There’s room and purpose for a holiday letter, but it’s so easy for it to become an epic dumping ground for minutiae. (“Junior got straight As and was named Best and Fairest in his footy team!”) This thing is not a CV, nor should it be a Tolstoy-like affair.

It should be a quick, amusing update for friends and family, especially the ones you never get to see.

Three rules: keep it short, no more than a page; keep it positive, even if you lost a leg back in June; and don’t spend more than an hour writing it. It’ll still be great – and greatly appreciated.

GET OUT FROM BEHIND THE CAMERA

You’re a family member, not a historian, and this is Christmas, not the Discovery Channel. Joe Berlinger, co-director of Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, recommends focusing on key events that tell the story – the arrival, the toast, the presents.

Men's Health advice on taking a great holiday photo

Record five, six-minute chunks throughout the day. You’re wrapped in 30.

When shooting family portraits, don’t force kids to be cute. They’ll go diva on you. Catch them 30 minutes after they wake up – they’re liveliest then.

To get a fun reaction, extend a tape measure and then snap it back. Small kids love it, says photographer Bambi Cantrell, author of The Art of Wedding Photography. With babies, brush their faces with a (clean!) feather duster for instant laughs.

Take the group shot an hour after dinner, when everyone is relaxed. Tell them all to stand at 45°, 30 centimetres apart, front hip pushed away from the camera – the Great Slimming Technique. Have the back row hug the front row for an intimate and happy-looking family, even if it’s a huge lie. Shoot from the waist up – feet are irrelevant, unless you’re a family of podiatrists.

AVOID HAVING ALL THE JOY SUCKED OUT OF THE HOLIDAYS BY AIR TRAVEL
You already know to book your flight to depart on Christmas or Boxing Day. Those are always less hectic times to fly. But if you’re travelling with the rest of the pre-holiday horde, at least minimise the pain by getting a ride to the airport. And while it’s too late for this year, start planning for 2011.

Qantas and Virgin Blue domestic tickets go on sale about 11 months prior, so if you know where you’ll be, buy in January. It may not be the cheapest ticket, but you’ll have the choice of humane times and seats. The ideal one? Always the exit row – that extra leg room is priceless.

AVOID HAVING THE JOY SUCKED OUT OF THE HOLIDAYS BY FAMILY
You’re particularly worried that your older brother will act like your older brother. E-mail him before the get-together. Keep it in the first person. Accept any responsibility there is to accept and just say that you’re looking forward to seeing him, you want it to be fun and you’d like to find some time to talk.

As when your brother/father/mother/uncle says something about you that you don’t appreciate and you can’t take any more, and ripping into that person would be really, really bad . . . go to the bathroom.

You’ll get five minutes of privacy in the tile-and-porcelain oasis to remind yourself that you don’t live in this house any more and these people are a temporary condition. Splash cool water on your face and suck on a peppermint lolly.

Both are stimulating and distracting, according to psychologist Richard O’Connor, author of Undoing Perpetual Stress.

SIDESTEP THE POST-HOLIDAY BLUES AND BE HAPPY LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
The sense of isolation usually hits hardest right after New Year’s, after all the socialising is over.

Before the holidays, make plans for January, O’Connor says. You’ll have something to look forward to while sitting in the bathroom sucking on a pepper-mint and reminding yourself you don’t live there any more. A trip might be the remedy and it’ll be cheap. Good airline and hotel deals can usually be found the first week of January since no-one is thinking of travelling then – and island resorts don’t stay open on hope.

NEVER WATCH CAROLS BY CANDLELIGHT AGAIN
Sure, it’s tradition . . . but you want it to stop. Propose a new one – a Scrabble tournament, a backyard cricket match, anything with a little more interaction. Or you could just talk.

If there’s not much of a precedent for that, start with topics that involve everyone. What was your first boss like? What did you want to be when you grew up? What is your earliest memory? What was life like for the family back in the Old Country? How did Uncle Bruno meet the Venetian girl he married?

You’ll learn something about the older relatives’ lives and they’ll fill in the gaps in yours.

A few planning rules: keep it light and fun. No directives. No orders. And don’t supervise the proceedings or have preconceptions of what’s supposed to happen. If the goal is to talk and everyone’s talking, congratulazioni.

DODGE THE FIVE-KILO GAIN FROM HOLIDAY BINGEING
First, a reality check. If you absolutely gorge yourself on Christmas Day fare and Boxing Day leftovers, you’re looking at a huge gain of . . . one kilo. So enjoy the fruit mince pies, stuffing and eggnog, if you restrict it to just those two big days.

However, if self-discipline isn’t your forté, the challenge becomes the waist-land between the holidays, with all the parties and food just sitting around the office, making it easy to scarf down 4200 extra kilojoules a day and gain 3kg to 4kg before the new year, according to Heidi Skolnik, nutritionist for the New York Giants football team.

Check out the Men's Health Fitness Hub to help you get back on track in January

The solution? Eat a sensible snack – nuts, yoghurt or half a turkey sandwich with tomato – before you hit the parties so you won’t feast like you’ve just been rescued from a desert island. Stand away from the food tables. And socialise hard: when you’re talking, words are coming out of your mouth instead of a dozen more party pies or mini hot dogs going in.

HIT ALL THE PARTIES (POLITELY)
Say you receive four invites, want to hit all four bashes, but obviously can’t stay till zero hour at all of them. How do you make brief appearances without offending the hosts? Follow this advice, from John Hickenlooper, mayor of Denver in the US: “As soon as you arrive, find the host and say, ‘I didn’t want to miss this, but I can only stay for 15 minutes’. They’ll be more appreciative than if you stayed for three hours, ate all their food, drank all their alcohol and left at 11:30pm.”

And go light on the booze – you’re travelling, after all. One last schmoozing tip: ask questions and listen. “I feel that I’ve connected and learnt something,” says Hickenlooper.

BOWL ’EM OUT IN THE BACKYARD OR AT THE BEACH
Watching the Boxing Day Test live at the MCG is a terrific tradition, but it does nothing for your stress levels. The heat, lack of shade and crowds mean you end up like a baked sardine. Why not get a keg, invite your friends over for a barbie and play cricket in the yard with the ABC radio commentary on in the background. You won’t miss any of the action, thanks to Jim Maxwell and the boys, and you’re getting a bit more exercise than most armchair sportsmen.

And you’re still drinking beer, of course.