Yahoo Lifestyle Men Confessed Their Casual Sex Stories, And How They Truly Feel About The Whole Ordeal
Recently Reddit user Few-Notice9304 asked the men of the community, "If you sleep around a lot, are you fulfilled?"
These men revealed their personal experiences of having casual sex, leaving us with various perspectives on what it means to them.
So, here are some men who were either totally fulfilled with sleeping around or felt like it wasn't for them:
Note: These stories don't capture a universal perspective of what it's like for men having casual sex. Everyone's story is different.
Note: Some submissions include topics of domestic abuse. Please proceed with caution.
1."I dated a girl for three and a half years. We were engaged, and one day, she said she didn’t love me anymore. I had lost my feeling of self-worth while with her — it was extremely toxic and she gaslit the fuck out of me (she had physically abused me as well). After we split up it took a bit to get my confidence back, but when it did, I went on a spree. I did this on Tinder back in 2015. In three months I had slept with 30 new women and around five exes/old flings. I filled many holes, but none of them filled the hole my ex-fiancé left inside my heart. I was extremely unhappy."
"I just stopped altogether. I talked with some of my best friends about how unhappy I was, and they reminded me the reason I’m unhappy is because I’ve stagnated. I wasn't happy because of who I was, not because she left. It was time to reignite the fires and grind it back out career-wise instead of fucking around online.
My best friend asked me, 'If you find your forever person, are you in the right state of mind to attract and keep them?' And honestly, I wasn’t. So I quit my job and went back into my field full-time.
Four months later, I met my now-wife. This is what people mean when they say, 'Work on yourself.' If you want to attract a certain kind of person, you need to be someone who would attract them to you in the first place. And then you gotta go out into the world because they’re not going to just fall into your lap."
2."I used to sleep around a few years ago and I felt shitty. Sure, it's fun meeting new people, and I love flirting, talking, and one-night stands because it is genuinely fun. But damn, sometimes you just want someone to call on during a long ride home or someone you can cuddle and have silly inside jokes with. I've been in a relationship for a few years now and enjoy it. Do I miss sleeping with strangers? Sure. Would I prefer that over what I currently have? No."
3."I did it for many, many years throughout my twenties because I wanted validation, to be proven I was wanted or of some value to women. The problem was that I was never going to find that self-worth through women. To me, they were all the same because I didn’t value myself. I was deeply insecure and thought the number of women who’d want me would be proof to myself that I was worthy and/or good-looking. It was never going to work because there was always another girl who would be the one to give me the value I desired in myself. It wasn’t until I fell in love deeply with my ex that I realized what love was not just for her but for myself. Now, I’m in a much better place mentally and romantically. I am very selective of who I approach to speak to and ask out."
4."When I was single I had fun sleeping around. I'd make connections pretty easily and enjoy sex if the person was fun. A few times, the connection wasn't there, so the sex wasn't great, but I like having orgasms — so it was still fine."
5."When I slept around a lot, I was looking for something serious. But finding a great relationship is really hard, and new relationships don’t usually work out. One-night stands were rare events. Usually, it was more like a year full of six to eight-week 'relationships.' I wasn’t fulfilled until I started knocking out more life goals (but those were totally unrelated to sleeping around). Having said that, learning how to date and seduce 100% played a huge role in building my confidence and learning life skills."
6."I sleep around because I don't want commitment and use sex as a way of stress relief (my work life is very stressful). [My main way of meeting people] is through a couple of well-known bars and clubs in my country. Most people are DTF with no strings attached, but I've recently started trying online dating apps (without much success, mind you). And then there are the FWBs, but it's more like a 'you're not really friends, you just use each other for sex' kind of situation. Also, I identify as bi, so I don't like to limit myself to women, and that makes sex even more 'available' to me."
7."A 36-year-old male here. From the age of 24 to 34, I slept around a lot. I’m talking 150-200 bodies, two or three different partners per week. After COVID wasn't as intense, I was one of the unlucky ones who suffered some debilitating autoimmune issues with my body. The health problems completely crushed my confidence and led me to therapy, where I discovered that my history of sleeping around stemmed from deep insecurity and shame from the trauma I experienced with my mother as a child. Sleeping around gave me a sense of power, control, and validation. Today, I’m still learning to navigate my new life with a new set of values. If I could take it all back, I would. I’m still having issues with cultivating healthy relationships and intimacy today. It was all meaningless."
8."I had a period of having a lot of sex. It’s fun, and it fulfills a specific need. So sometimes it did fulfill me on certain levels, but it wasn't love. I think you can compare it to eating food but it’s not your favorite food. It’s still good and fills your needs, and with a full belly, you are fulfilled, but it doesn’t take away the craving for your favorite food."
9."The more you do it, the less you want to 'buy the cow.' Not because you want to keep having sex with different women, but because you see what works and it crushes your ability to value commitment. I was a 'late bloomer,' and I had a much more positive outlook before I saw over and over 'how the hot dogs are made.' Inside, you are still that person who originally believed in love, and you won't settle for less. But now you've seen how it works over and over and know that love has nothing to do with it. Under no circumstance will you ever matter. You can get just about everything but you'll never matter. All you can do is 'win the game' at the moment — the game will never value you."
10."There are pros and cons to sleeping around, dating, and having a relationship. To sleep with a lot of girls, you need to have somewhat of a connection with them — you can’t just pick them up at any time on any night. However, the several friendships and connections that are made are a great part of sleeping around. It’s like having several friends to do different activities with at the same time as having a bedroom variety. A long-term relationship also has benefits, but those benefits only last around two years until the newness and honeymoon phase ends. People who say they feel empty sleeping around should perhaps try having somewhat of a relationship with each person. If I’m honest with a girl (I’m not looking for anything serious right now but we have a great time together), they usually respect that. A lot of guys aren't honest. That's my two cents 👍."
11."I slept with about 30 women last year (I’m 33 years old) mainly through dating apps. I enjoyed it and it was one of my best years. I just enjoy meeting different women. They all do something different. I get very bored easily with people, so I don’t stick around for long. I sometimes think I’ll never find someone I want to be with long-term. I’m also terrified of commitment and 'making a mistake' by choosing the 'wrong woman' or missing out on something better."
12."During most of my twenties, I slept around a lot. Some years were more fruitful than others. I’m a decent-looking guy, but not Leonardo DiCaprio. When I fell in love for the first time at 29, I realized that I had absolutely no idea how to be in a stable, long-term relationship. I didn’t know how to put someone else first. I didn’t understand how to make someone else happy. That sort of thing takes practice, and I spent the previous 15 years of my life avoiding real relationships at all costs. When the girl I fell in love with broke up with me, it broke my heart and shattered me for a year or two. I had to do some real soul-searching and put a lot of effort into working on myself to try and become the man I wanted to be. Now, I’m married to the love of my life with a kid on the way and I couldn’t be happier. I had a lot of fun in my teenage years and my twenties, but I probably should have put some effort into 'growing up' earlier than I did."
13."I slept around at a point in my life when I wasn't ready for a relationship. It was nice meeting people and having fun. I always tried to make expectations clear so nobody got hurt, and honestly, I just used that time to focus on myself, my friendships, and not have to worry about meeting the right woman for me. I was dumped, so I had a year or two of 'how will I love again?' Overall, I think sleeping around let me shift my focus away from seeking to replace my ex (this might be a terrible mindset to approach dating with), and I just became a better version of myself. I built stronger relationships with my friends and had some fun while I did it. It was fulfilling my needs then, but it couldn't last more than a couple of years. Now I'm in a committed relationship, and I hope I'm never in that position again."
14."I did it in my twenties because I was curious and because 'I could' I guess. Being somewhat good-looking and working in the nightlife industry, girls were easy to come by. My heart always belonged to one girl, though (the girl who I was fortunate enough to be able to marry). So, maybe I just slept around knowing that I only loved one person. While it wasn’t fulfilling per se and some nights felt lonely, I did meet really cool girls who lingered on for a while as friends. I got the 'urge' of being unfaithful or 'curious to see what else is out there' out of my system."
15."I don't know if 'fulfilling' is the right word — I never looked to date for fulfillment. I looked to it for fun and pleasure. Fulfillment is more about your work or your missions in life. I did 'successfully' sleep around for a few years, but I quit dating altogether. Some women were so awful, and I became too disgusted to feel any attraction towards them."
16.And finally, "I'm in my late thirties, and I’ve slept with about 600-700 different women in my life. I have a great career, am financially successful, healthy, in good shape, have a good social circle, and genuinely don’t have any complaints. I never wanted any children of my own (I had a vasectomy a long time ago) and I don't want to be married. I am 'intentionally dating' at this point in my life, but I am realistic about my options. My therapist and I have agreed that at my age, most of the 'good ones' (men and women) are taken. Dating becomes substantially harder for this reason. People aren’t as malleable when they're in their twenties — they’re less likely to deal with what they deem 'nonsense.' Usually, people have varying degrees of baggage."
"Overall, I’m happy in life and I particularly look back on one relationship and kick myself for ending things with her. She was a great woman and I let it go.
I value my solitude, and that’s hard to give up. Given my not wanting kids or marriage, there aren’t many women who will take me seriously for a relationship. I accepted that a long time ago."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Let's flip the script a little here, folks: If you're someone who identifies as a woman, what have *your* casual sex experiences been like? Share your stories with us in the comments below (or in this Google Form if you want to remain anonymous).
The best submissions will be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post.
