After an IVF mix-up, two moms raised each other’s baby—here’s what happened (and how to protect your family)

Imagine bringing home your miracle baby after years of trying to conceive, only to discover months later she isn’t genetically yours. For two California families, this unimaginable scenario became their reality, as recently documented in a feature article in The New York Times Magazine.

Daphna and Alexander Cardinale welcomed their baby, May, after years of infertility struggles and IVF. May was everything they dreamed of—an easy baby with a calming presence. But Alexander couldn’t shake the feeling that May didn’t resemble him or Daphna. A DNA test confirmed their concerns: May wasn’t biologically theirs. The clinic had mistakenly implanted another couple’s embryo.

Adding to the heartbreak, the other family—raising Daphna and Alexander’s biological daughter, Zoë—was also unaware of the mix-up. Both families faced impossible choices, but they found solace in each other’s shared love and care for both children. Over time, they transitioned to raise their biological daughters—a process that was emotionally taxing but also brought deep respect and connection.

This story highlights not only the challenges of IVF but also the resilience of families navigating the unthinkable. As noted in The New York Times article, thousands of IVF errors have resulted in lawsuits and malpractice claims, though many cases go unreported due to nondisclosure agreements in settlements. It’s a reminder of why diligence and informed choices are crucial during an already vulnerable time.

Related: ‘Nightmare’ IVF mixup results in two moms delivering each other’s babies

Preventing IVF mix-ups: What every parent needs to know

The IVF industry is a beacon of hope for millions of families, but stories like this highlight ethical and regulatory breaks in the system.

Here’s how you can protect yourself if you’re navigating infertility treatment:

1. Vet Your Fertility Clinic Like a Pro

• Ask for their error rate: Clinics should provide transparency about past mistakes, including embryo labeling, storage, and transfer processes. Don’t be afraid to ask directly.

• Request a tour: Visiting the lab in person can help you assess their organization and technology. Look for facilities that use electronic tracking systems rather than pen-and-paper methods.

• Check accreditation: Ensure the clinic is certified by reputable organizations, such as the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART).

• Read reviews and lawsuits: Research online reviews and public records to uncover any history of malpractice or negligence.

2. Advocate for Transparency in Medicine

• Push for better oversight: The IVF industry operates in a regulatory gray zone. Reach out to your local representatives to advocate for mandatory reporting of preventable errors, similar to hospital standards.

• Ask for documentation: Clinics should provide detailed logs of your embryos’ handling, including labeling, storage, and transfer. Don’t settle for vague answers.

• Get genetic testing early: Preimplantation genetic testing (PGT) can verify embryos before transfer. Post-transfer DNA testing of both parents and the baby provides additional reassurance after implantation.

Related: Here’s how to talk to your partner about sperm testing, according to a fertility doctor

Practicing self-care amidst infertility

Experts say infertility can be one of the most physically and emotionally exhausting chapters in a person’s life. The emotional toll is significant, but there are ways to prioritize your well-being during this journey:

• Build your support system: Lean on trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Online support groups for IVF patients can also provide understanding and solidarity.

• Prioritize your mental health: Meditation, journaling, or even short daily walks can help manage the anxiety and emotional burnout that comes with infertility treatments.

• Set boundaries: Be selective about who you share your journey with. Protecting your energy is key when navigating difficult conversations about fertility.

• Take it one step at a time: When faced with setbacks, focus on small, actionable steps rather than the entire journey. Breaking things down into manageable pieces can make the long journey seem more purposeful.

Parenthood isn’t always a straight path, but it’s the love and care you pour into the journey—whether biological or not—that defines it. The resilience shown by families navigating infertility is nothing short of inspiring.

Sources:

1. Infertility and its emotional toll. PMC. 2022. “Psychological Problems Related to Infertility.”