"I'm Liberal, My Husband Is Conservative": Couples Who Voted Differently Are Opening Up About The Strain Trump's Reelection Is Putting On Them

I've always been more on the liberal side, but I did briefly date a conservative in college. The country was less polarized then, and I initially thought our political differences weren't that big of a deal. I even enjoyed debating certain issues with them because it helped me better understand where the other side was coming from.

Since that experience, I've been fascinated with mixed-politics couples who somehow make it work, and I have a lot of empathy for couples who find it harder than they expected to resolve their differences. Following the reelection of former president Donald Trump, I asked people in mixed-politics relationships in the BuzzFeed Community to share how they're doing at this moment, and they had a lot to say. Here are some of their responses:

1."I'm deeply disappointed. My partner is a Trumper, and I'm completely opposite. Not only is my partner but also my parents and my brother are Trump supporters. I hate calling myself an American. I feel deeply disappointed in humanity. I don't understand why people cannot see through the lies of that man. But I love my family and I'm not going to let this come in between my partner and me. We have a daughter together, and I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant. I'm just going to have to live with it. I feel so hopeless."

2."When me and my husband met in 2018, I knew he had voted for Trump in 2016, but at that point, it wasn’t uncommon. While I am more liberal, I do have many conservative beliefs, so I was able to understand his decision. When he voted for Trump in 2020, we had been married a year, and I still could find reasons why it made sense. This year was the biggest shift for me. This year, it felt like he was buying into something I just couldn’t understand. That he wasn’t even fully understanding his decision. We now have a 3-year-old child, and I feel lost. I still love my partner, but I cannot imagine how he could believe that Trump is the right choice for our child’s future. I’m scared and struggling to process what this all means for us. How could someone with so many good qualities, a truly intelligent man, make this decision?"

—Mary, 28

3."My partner was going to vote for Trump but saw how scared I was and how hurtful that would be to me. He decided not to cast his ballot instead. I’m still upset at his support for such a candidate. But he’s been supportive of my anxiety with Trump’s reelection after I explained all the ways it might affect me. Overall, we’re doing alright for now."

—F, 27

4."My husband is part owner of a trucking company, and comes from a country family. He chose who he felt would most positively impact our business and family, of whom he is currently the provider. I chose the candidate that I felt was trying to represent the people of our county as a whole. Neither of us worship our candidate or even particularly like them. We do know that we love each other and that politicians aren’t the ones we come home to every night. He was pleased; I was disheartened. He didn’t rub it in my face, and I didn’t tell him not to be happy. We made dinner together, like we do every night, like we did four years ago, and life moved on."

5."It sucks. I’m a liberal, and my husband is conservative, and it makes me physically sick to my stomach to know he voted for Trump (for the third time!). We generally try to stay away from politics because we know how the other will vote, but this year is different. It was so much bigger than before, and the stakes higher, and I feel like what he was justifying voting for was a huge slap in the face. Divorce is not an option (outside of politics, our marriage is great), but it just makes me feel really disappointed in him and question his morals."

—Lucy, 35

6."I feel a general sense of dread around them now. All of my friends and family saw him posting about it, and it made it worse."

—Kaitlyn, 21

7."Arguments ever since! It started weeks before. I've definitely considered leaving him because I do think it's personal! But also, we've been together for a long time and have gotten through many, many disagreements. Will it matter in four years? I'm still unsure how I feel!"

8."I, the female, voted Republican, and my boyfriend voted Democrat. We both are heavily in the middle and we have lengthy discussions about several problems from all viewpoints. We aren’t arguing about it because we’ve already discussed and ‘argued’ about each individual problem, so a choice of the whole party doesn’t bother or surprise us. I’m very purposeful not to gloat about my vote winning or diss on the other side of voters, and I am sympathetic to my partner’s views and wishes. My relationship and this post would have been the same should the results have ended up opposite."

"All in all, the point is that we knew each other's views beforehand, and we both voted as we thought was best. Neither of us is taking the opposite vote as an attack on ourselves or our views.

Politics should not be wrecking families and friendships. Just the same as you accept your family and friends in their other flaws, you should accept this ‘flaw’ of them disagreeing with you. It’s a right to vote for a reason. If there was only one choice that was best for everyone, there wouldn’t be anything to vote over."

—Em, 19

9."My husband and I went into the election knowing we were voting for different candidates. We had discussed the election a lot leading up to it and had debated the merits of each candidate often. After the results came in, we discussed how things would change. He listened as I voiced my fears about a second Trump presidency and offered all the support I would need if I do decide to get a more permanent form of birth control (he got a vasectomy after Roe was repealed). We have very open lines of communication, which has made this whole scary time a lot better. It helped me understand why so many people voted for Trump, especially people like my husband, who have never been particularly conservative."

—Anonymous, 28

10."We didn’t even vote differently; he voted for Harris, too. But the enormity of this loss doesn’t strike him at all. He sees this as an 'I’m sorry for you' event, not a 'this is devastating for both of us and our future' event. I cannot connect with him right now."

11."My husband is a jerk. He already knows I want a divorce. We haven't had sex since the last year of Trump's last presidency because he chose to support him despite my history with rape and abortion (and way too many other betrayals to mention even before that). Nothing has been fine since 2016. I finally have the money to pay a divorce lawyer, but inflation is so outrageous now that I can't afford to effing leave with the kids!!!! It's fucking enraging!!!!!"

"So we have not even discussed this election at all. We ignore each other every day. We already live in two separate rooms and have for a long time. I deleted all of my social media apps except for one. And I have been passing my time either with my kids or locked in my room streaming my favorite shows, dissociating from reality. I fucking hate my life and this country!"

—Anonymous, 45

12."It's been really sad for me. He thinks everything I say is a conspiracy and vice versa. There is no winning or compromising. And he said it's annoying that I said I'm worried about my health since we're trying for a second kid. It's making me question everything."

—Anna, 33

13."I do not know for a fact that we voted differently. I actually don't know if he voted since I had to travel to my hometown to vote. I do know that we have some differences, so there is a high likelihood. I told him that I am sad and angry and need time. I told him that I don't want to know because I don't want to look at him differently, but honestly, his silence on everything is louder than just hearing it. I was hoping he would say something, anything to demonstrate that he knows how I feel, to validate my emotions. Instead, he is 'giving me space' and recommended I exercise."

14."I'm angry. I'm an immigrant and a naturalized citizen. He doesn't believe anything will happen to me, even when shown Stephen Miller's tweets about 'denaturalization' and deportation of citizens. We're 'celebrating' our five-year wedding anniversary this weekend, and all that means is that he's buying me dinner, and I'll eat silently while I consider my options."

—A, 36

15."He spends a lot of time trying to tell me how the country will be better off with Trump coming back. What he doesn’t know is I keep my earbuds in and turn them up when he starts."

—Jo, 52

16."He and I do not discuss politics, EVER. We've been married for 24 years, and this is the one topic that is forbidden in our house. I'm very liberal, and he's much more conservative. The only discussion we've had about the election came the morning after. I was crying as I was getting ready to leave for work, and he tried to convince me that the winner of the election was the right choice for our future. I refused to speak to him about it. He apologized later, and we have made a point to avoid the subject altogether."

17."I now question the values and morals of my husband. He says he voted to improve our own lifestyle, while I voted to improve the lives and lifestyle of women and the disabled children I work with. I worry that I will keep thinking about how I now see him and his true character. He’s also worried that I will look at him differently now."

—Polly, 38

18."Well, it’s not her. It’s her family, and apparently, I need to apologize to them for sharing my feelings about Trump voters. If I don’t, and if I don’t go to Thanksgiving at their house in the middle of the South, then we’re apparently getting a divorce. I don’t want to be around them or in red hat country."

—Joe, 40

19."I got engaged two weeks before the election, and now I am struggling. My fiancé rooted for Trump even though he knows I am adamantly against Trump. My fiancé is the son of two immigrants who came here legally and have been very successful. They are pro-Trump for their business and adamantly deny Trump has ever done anything wrong. I am a teacher, a woman, and a survivor of sexual assault."

20."We are on the edge of breaking up. He is a great guy, funny, sweet, thoughtful, generous, and thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world. He voted for Trump and said he liked the economy when Trump was in office. I tried to tell him the facts, that Trump was a terrible president. He just kind of shrugs. I asked how can you separate the man from the job? He says, 'All politicians are corrupt.' I argue, 'That's just not true.' I just don't see him the same way anymore. I am not sure I want his love if his love is not extended to all Americans."

—Allison, 52

21."This hurts. So, so badly. My husband voted for Trump, and I (obviously) did not. We’ve always had different political views that’s never been an issue. But this election was so different that it has changed the way I look at him. When he says, 'I love you,' a little voice in the back of my head says, 'but not enough to vote like you love me.' He is such an amazing partner and father. We’ve always split the load evenly, filled our home with laughter, and truly are (were?) each other's best friends. I’m having such a hard time reconciling the amazing, loving, intelligent man I married with a man who could be willing to vote for an adjudicated rapist who wants to ruin so many American lives."

"What makes it worse is hearing people around me (who also voted for Kamala) tell me to leave him. Or ask me how I can’t stand to be around him. He’s still my husband. Still the father of my child. And I still love him so much. But the love has shifted, and I honestly just don’t know how to handle it."

—Chelsea, 31

22."We have literally not spoken of the election since the election. Furthermore, he knows that I went to vote but has even failed to mention that he voted. For the last three terms, he has supported Trump, and I refuse to. I silently resent our differences and it makes me question everything about the relationship. To his credit, he doesn't gloat or shove his opinions in my face, but at the same time, it's like a rift between us that will never be resolved, and the distance is measurable in many other interactions."

23."My boyfriend voted for Trump, but only because his parents influenced him to. I was worried at first, but I realized I was overthinking and care about it more than he does. He turned nineteen yesterday, so it was his first time voting. He's a very sweet person, and I know that no matter how bad it becomes in the next few years, he'll be there for me no matter what. I guess I just got lucky."

—s012382

24.And finally, "I gave my husband an ultimatum. If the government is going to have control of my body, I want to have control of his. Either he gets a vasectomy, or I will not be physical with him for the next four years. His appointment is in December!"

—bnp2692

How are you talking about the election in your relationship? Have you ever been with someone who held different views than you? Tell us what's on your mind in the comments.