Weaponized Incompetence To The Max: This Mom Dared To Dine Alone After Her Family Refused To Do The Bare Minimum While She Was At Work, And Now Her Husband Is "Pissed"

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·8-min read

Recently, Reddit user u/CardiologistLeast404 (or Cardio, for short) took to the popular "Am I the Asshole?" subreddit to ask, "Am I the asshole for going out to eat without my husband [and] kids because they didn't wash the dishes?" and OMG, her story is a wild ride.

Here's the story, in Cardio's own words: "Both my husband and I work full time," she begins. "I work [in] real estate, and he works at a shipyard. We both collectively work around 50 to 60-hour weeks. We have four kids: 13-year-old twins, [a] 12-year-old, and [an] 8-month-old. My husband has every weekend off. I do not."

A woman with glasses signs a document on a clipboard held by a man's hand while sitting in a car
A woman with glasses signs a document on a clipboard held by a man's hand while sitting in a car
A man sits on a couch in a living room, wearing virtual reality goggles and smiling. A coffee mug is on the table in front of him
A man sits on a couch in a living room, wearing virtual reality goggles and smiling. A coffee mug is on the table in front of him

Aleksandargeorgiev / Getty Images, Punyupa / Getty Images

She continues, "I [established] a chore system from the time my kids were little. But ever since I had the baby and since the kids are older, ALL of them have slacked off tremendously (including [my] husband)."

Person focused on playing a video game, wearing headphones and a dark shirt, in a room with some electronic equipment visible in the background
Person focused on playing a video game, wearing headphones and a dark shirt, in a room with some electronic equipment visible in the background
Portrait of teenage girl with long hairusing phone and listening to music on headphones
Portrait of teenage girl with long hairusing phone and listening to music on headphones

Stockbird / Getty Images, Fcafotodigital / Getty Images

"I pick our baby up from daycare around 5 p.m. and when I get home, I usually find my husband on the couch on his phone and the kids in their rooms playing video games [or] watching make-up tutorials."

"The house is generally a mess and honestly, the only issue I have is the dishes. I couldn't give fuck all about anything else, because the rest of the house generally isn't dirty-dirty, just cluttered. But I have expressed several times that I am tired of having to wash all the dishes in order to cook, and have lashed out in some not-so-nice ways."

A pile of dirty plates with several used forks and knives, resting on a kitchen counter
A pile of dirty plates with several used forks and knives, resting on a kitchen counter
Dan Levy from Schitt's Creek stands outside making a nervous face with his hands drawn up like paws
Dan Levy from Schitt's Creek stands outside making a nervous face with his hands drawn up like paws

Carol Yepes / Getty Images, Pop TV / CBC Television

"[I've] shut off the Internet entirely and [taken] the cord with me to work so no one could use the wifi/watch TV, canceled family trips [and] graduation, [and] gotten into big arguments with my husband. Things will change for a week to a month and then switch right back to them refusing to help. I'm honestly so tired of it that I don't even have the energy to speak up anymore."

Cardio goes on: "As I said, my husband has weekends off, so he and the kids were home yesterday while I worked."

A man is asleep on a gray sofa with one arm dangling off. He is wearing a green T-shirt and blue jeans. The room has modern decor with plants

"Before I took off for the day I told them, 'Your guys' chores had better be completed by the time I get home.' They said, 'Yes ma'am,' and I [left].

"I [texted my] husband around 4:30 p.m. asking what they all wanted for dinner because I had to stop off at the grocery store."

Urbazon / Getty Images

"I [picked] up what he said they all wanted and [walked] into my home to find that not a single dish had been washed and there [were] at least 10 more dishes in the sink than when I left that morning."

"I also noted that only a load of laundry had been washed, and was still sitting in the washer and was never switched to the dryer. [My] husband was on his ass on the couch watching YouTube. Kids [were] off playing video games. Baby in her walker."

"So, I put the groceries on the table, packed a bag for the baby, and told my husband, "Have at it, I'm going to Applebee's." I left. Maybe 20 minutes later he [called] and [said], 'I washed the dishes, sorry. I was super tired today.'"

Elizabeth Olsen smiling, wearing a white chef's coat in a kitchen
Elizabeth Olsen smiling, wearing a white chef's coat in a kitchen
Elizabeth Olsen in a white shirt, smiling in a kitchen setting with a white tile backsplash
Elizabeth Olsen in a white shirt, smiling in a kitchen setting with a white tile backsplash

Bon Appétit / Condé Nast

"I told him that's zero excuse at all. [There are] three older kids who have chores and he couldn't even step up and tell his kids to complete anything either. It's pure laziness at this point.

"He said, 'I know, I'm sorry, I'm trying to work on it. Can you just come home, I don't know how to make this dish.' It's a pretty difficult dish but Google is free.

"I told him no, I'm sitting at Applebee's and will be enjoying my steak and shrimp with the baby in peace and that [he] and the older kids can fend for themselves because apology or not, I'm not letting him off the hook here."

"He had me on speakerphone, so [he] and all the kids laid right into me," she says. "[They were] asking me to please grab them something from Applebee's. (It's our favorite restaurant.) I said 'absolutely not' and hung up the phone."

Amanda Seyfried, in a shocked expression, holding a cordless phone to her ear. Her eyes are wide open with her mouth agape
Paramount Pictures

"When I returned home," she says, "the groceries had been put away and apparently, [they'd] had grilled cheese and cereal for dinner. My husband and kids are still pissed at me. I told them this is how it will be every single time they don't do chores from now on. Am I the asshole?"

Bryan Cranston sits at a dinner table with a bib, smiling, surrounded by lit candles, glasses, and a plate of food
Bryan Cranston sits at a dinner table with a bib, smiling, surrounded by lit candles, glasses, and a plate of food
Woman wearing a long-sleeve shirt is seen in a mid-conversation. The caption reads,
Woman wearing a long-sleeve shirt is seen in a mid-conversation. The caption reads,

Fox

Commenters on the post came to the overwhelming consensus that Cardio is not the asshole and that her husband has some serious work to do.

"This is how you enforce a boundary in a healthy way," says u/Old-Paleontologist-1, "to make sure you don't get trampled on. [You're] not the asshole, and good for you."

I don't know who is in this image. A man with a beard and mustache in a suit and tie gives a thumbs-up gesture

Says u/JustehGirl, "[They] seriously sound like toddlers. Ask them to do [or] not do something and they'll ignore you. The second you stand up, they fix their behavior. It's understandable when they're little."

Kendall Jenner sits in a kitchen looking down, wearing a white button-up shirt with her hair pulled back
Kendall Jenner sits in a kitchen looking down, wearing a white button-up shirt with her hair pulled back
Kendall Jenner drinks from a white cup while sitting in a kitchen
Kendall Jenner drinks from a white cup while sitting in a kitchen

E!

"I have had MANY children crying about consequences, and [I tell] them THEY made a choice, and if I have to help it's already too late to get out of it.

"I think there's a reason the other commenters are bashing the dad. He's obviously setting a bad example for the kids, and they're doing what they see him doing. I mean, yes, they're teens and responsible for their decisions, but [Cardio] shouldn't have to organize chores, ride them about it, and [also] do her own. [Her] husband really does need to step up."

"Here's my take," says u/mrsedge2009. "Most of the bases have been covered [by other commenters] as far as [your husband's] utter incompetence in being an equal partner and parent. HOWEVER: he put the call on speaker and allowed the older children to lay into you??? Excuse me? He's showing your children that it is totally fine to disrespect you and that they should have no consequences for their actions or lack thereof. In what world is that okay?"

A man and a woman in period costumes stand indoors. The woman has an expression of shock and says, "It's intolerable."

"What I find even worse about the husband putting her on speakerphone is that he’s showing their children that it is him and them versus their mom/his wife," says u/andmewithoutmytowel. "He’s basically the oldest child while she is the only parent."

From u/ZalutPats: "Weaponized incompetence alert."

Young girl with long blonde hair and a pink sweater, likely speaking or singing in a room with patterned wallpaper and framed pictures
20th Century Studios

From u/ObjectiveLength7230: "Did they care how pissed, hurt, disappointed you were EVERY time they chose to disrespect you and disregard your needs and those of the family? Nope, not until it directly affected them, only then they were suddenly 'sorry.'"

Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson, sitting at a desk with arms crossed, wearing a business suit and tie, in an office setting from the TV show
Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson, sitting at a desk with arms crossed, wearing a business suit and tie, in an office setting from the TV show
Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson, sitting at a desk with arms crossed, wearing a business suit and tie, in an office setting from the TV show
Leslie David Baker as Stanley Hudson, sitting at a desk with arms crossed, wearing a business suit and tie, in an office setting from the TV show

NBC / Via giphy.com

They continue: "Which, [in my opinion] is too little too late. At this point, I would definitely ride the momentum and double down on why you took the action you did and why their behavior is an issue.

"And do a separate discussion for the kids and hubs, [because] honestly, he's the biggest asshole here for allowing this to even get close to where it ended up. Serious red flag there, and I would be diligent in making sure you stick to your boundaries on that front."

And finally: "Your kids think it’s fine for them to sit around and do nothing to help out around the house because they see their father doing it," says u/mallionaire7.

Kristen Bell making a humorous, scrunched face. She wears a striped shirt and has shoulder-length hair

This poor woman — good for her! Personally, I would be very embarrassed to be this husband; but I speculate he is not the type of guy to be so self-aware. Please let me know your thoughts on this family. I'm dying to read everybody's comments.

Note: Some comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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