Hit Fictional Spy Gary Oldman Gets Real-Life Assignment

Jackson Lamb would have run a mile before agreeing to recite a holiday poem for his spymasters.

Well, he’d have walked reasonably quickly to the nearest bar.

But actor Gary Oldman, who plays the brilliantly flawed agent in the Apple TV+ hit Slow Horses, clearly wasn’t above being recruited by MI5, the domestic British spy agency, for some unexpected festive fare.

Oscar winner Oldman narrates an updated version of Twas the Night Before Christmas – retitled A Christmas Story from MI5 - for the agency’s Instagram account, all in the voice of the shambling Lamb.

Spy bosses are not usually known for a sense of humor, but the success of the Emmy-nominated TV show is rubbing off on the gray men and women in London.

“At MI5 this Christmas we’ve decided to forgo the traditional turkey in favor of some lamb–Jackson Lamb,” MI5 says in a caption introducing the video. “We thought it high time he swapped Slough House for Thames House and while he was briefly away from his Slow Horses, we asked him to record a special Christmas message from all of us to all of you.

“Our staff will be working throughout this festive period to keep the U.K. safe from national security threats. From everyone at MI5, we wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.”

Oldman is then heard narrating over the footage, which doesn’t show any faces. You never know who might be watching.

’Twas the night before Christmas when all through Thames House not a creature was stirring, just the click of a mouse,” he says. “Then footsteps on stairwells, then flickering screens, the clackety keyboards of a hundred machines. The hustle, the bustle, the hive of activity, not the typical scene of your Christmas nativity.”

“So while people at home wrap last-minute gifts, the staff inside Thames will be changing their shifts. From us all at 5, we wish you festive delight. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.”

The Harry Potter actor won a Best Actor Academy Award for his role as Winston Churchill in the 2017 movie Darkest Hour.

The poem, A Visit from St. Nicholas, also known as Twas the Night Before Christmas, because of its first line, was published anonymously in 1823 and later credited to Clement Clarke Moore, who claimed authorship 14 years later.

Perhaps next year we can look forward to Matt Damon reading The First Christmas in the style of Jason Bourne.