Gypsy-Rose Blanchard Feared She'd Relapse on Opioids After Prison: What She Says Saved Her (Exclusive)

When Gypsy-Rose Blanchard walked free from prison last December, she was ready to leave her dark past behind. Still, she carried with her the fear that her past might come back to haunt her.

"I was concerned about relapsing before I got out of prison because that thought did cross my mind," Blanchard, 33, tells PEOPLE, opening up in a wide-ranging exclusive interview amid the release of her new memoir My Time to Stand, available now.

In her book, she discusses abusing opioids for years as a means of coping with being victimized and infantilized by her mother Dee Dee, whose pain medications she would sneak to use.

"Her emotions were a whip that snapped against my self-worth. I found solace and escape in drugs, especially after we began fighting a lot," Blanchard writes in the new book.

"I remember the first time I sought out the painkillers for no pain at all, and it was after Mama and I were yelling at each other for what seemed like over an hour. I just wanted to relax. So I popped one of her pills and exhaled."

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So began Blanchard's addiction, which she says she was struggling with the night ex-boyfriend Nicholas Godejohn took her mother's life at her request. The addiction followed her into prison, but after years behind bars, prison is where she finally got clean.

Now, as she thinks back on using while she was incarcerated, she recalls, "It was like, okay, you have to scrounge. You have to find it, really kind of get into the groove of who has what in prison."

Related: Gypsy Rose Blanchard Opens Up About Her Sobriety: 'I Wanted to Come Out of Prison a New Woman' (Exclusive)

Thus, when it came time to be released, she was worried, thinking about how "in the real world, I'm sure it's more accessible." Thankfully, she says, "I haven't gone looking, so I don't really know how accessible it is."

One thing that she credits with keeping her on the straight and narrow: her family, including dad Rod, stepmom Kristy and her half siblings Mia and Dylan. "When I came out, I was surprised to learn that the family dynamic kept me away from that stuff," she says. "I haven't thought about doing anything. I haven't had any cravings."

Though she's had well-documented ups and downs, including intense public scrutiny and a contentious divorce from Ryan Anderson after a few short months of marriage on the outside, Blanchard, who's currently expecting with boyfriend Ken Urker, has managed to stay clean.

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"I'm very blessed," she says, "that even in the hardest moments of this year with dealing with social media trolls and the self-esteem that could be brought down in all the scrutiny and how hectic that is, I still never considered going back to that."

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.

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